I need help

[jimmy75]

I probably won't get a response to this, I just thought I might as well tell everyone here my story because my situation is desperate. I feel my life is messed up beyond repair. I'm not going to hide anything here, I'm just going to be completely honest and get all this off my chest.

I'm a 19 year old living in the UK and have suffered from severe social anxiety as long as a can remember, at one point it was so severe that it was full-blown selective mutism. I never so******ed with anyone else apart from my parents, not even other family members and as a result I've got no really close family I keep in touch with. My childhood wasn't exactly bad and I didn't have friends but still I played videogames most of the time and things were tolerable. My parents split up when I was young, and I've lived all my life with my mother.

My relationship with my mother was always good but then I did something that messed up my future when I was 16. I'm not sure why I was so stupid or reckless but in my spare time I started downloading child porn, but even more stupidly I didn't have a password on my laptop so within a few months it was discovered while I was on holiday visiting an Uncle. After this incident my life has never been the same, I've been thrown out of home, I've been to court twice and things are still ongoing. My mother made it clear that I wasn't allowed to come back home and I accepted this at first but now a few things have changed. How the hell do you expect a person with very severe social anxiety to live independently? My father paid for a flat for me to live in, and I guess I should be grateful, but I'm not. I just want to go and live with my Mother again.

I begged her to let me back in, she refused quite strongly. I've been drinking alcohol heavily since my 18th birthday and can't cope without it. I can't get a job or go to college with my criminal conviction and I've got no friends. In addition to this, the block of flats I live in is absolutely hellish, I live with very aggressive and noisy neighbours who bang on the wall and scream if I make the slightest sound. All my money goes on alcohol, I don't eat anything, I don't pay my bills. I don't really care anymore unless I can go home.

Last night I got desperate and went back to my Mother's house. I got drunk beforehand and begged her to let me come and live with her again, I know it's pathetic, but it's true. I told her that i'm unable to pay my bills and I'm slowly wasting away with malnutrition and loneliness. She made it clear that she doesn't want me dragging her down with me and asked me to leave, she offered to give me a lift to my flat. I refused, she phoned the police, they arrived and I still didn't leave. I was handcuffed, shoved in the back of a police van and taken to the nearest police station for breach of the peace. I wasn't charged, but I had to spend four hours in a cold cell. I got home at midnight, and I was seriously considering suicide. I've been crying all day, I haven't eaten. I honestly don't know what to do.

I know I must come across as extremely pathetic and that is probably the case. It's just I'm not emotionally equipped to deal with my current situation, there's no way out, and I'm suffering.

 

[Lilly789]

Your mother isnt responsible for you. The end. You alcoholism and self pity isnt going to disappear just because you move in with your mother - youre just going to force her to share in your problems, such a debt, drinking, depression etc etc. Youve shown no effort to change, zero consideration of her. I dont blame her for not wanting you with her - and I think she's done the right thing by saying no - she would only end up enabling you.

I have no idea why you think you cant get a degree or get a job with a criminal conviction - Ive got a criminal conviction and Ive been to 5 universities, including in the U.S. and Australia (the UK is no different) - there's more than one way to skin a cat, as they say, you just haven't bothered finding out how and putting it into action.

This isnt your moms problem, its nothing to do with education or a job or how others wont let you have those things.

Its all about you. It doesnt really sound like youre taking any responsibility for yourself or your actions (since the porn, not just including it). In fact you seem to be doing everything you possibly can to avoid it.

You need to take some responsibility. I mean *actual* responsibility, not just words, actions.

There are thousands of charities and organisations who's whole reason for existing is to help people like you, with your drinking problem, your self pity, with treating depression and anxiety etc. You clearly have an internet connection. Look them up - not just one, a few, and start talking to them. They CAN help you "emotionally equip", but they cant do it all for you. You need to make the calls, and you need to show up.

It has to come from you. If you dont realise that youll just end up in jail or dead.

 

[singing-love]

Hi, let me just start by saying you are not pathetic, at all. Everybody makes mistakes in their lives and unfortunately you've made one that will affect you for the rest of yours. You're current living situation sounds awful and I am so sorry that your mother well kind of disowned you, it must be really difficult for you living on your own like this all of a sudden.

Alcoholism isn't the best answer to your problems, it may dull the pain for a while but life is always right there waiting for you. Perhaps starting to put your life together would be a better thing to do? Sobering up and looking into some options for your future. It sounds as if you need some hope, like perhaps there's not a lot to look forward to in life and that can be so hard. So looking into things you might be able to do could help?

If you would like someone to talk to my "doors always open", so feel free to PM me, I won't judge you. Anyway, if not I wish you the best of luck.

 

[duma]

Hi Jimmy,

I would highly recommend that you talk to a helpline or, if possible, visit a councilor, pyschologist or equivalent. From my experience, they are very helpful and relieve the situation - especially if you are feeling very down and might do something.

I would suggest that you take Lilly789's comments with a grain of salt - or not listen to them at all. As hypocritical as it may sound, Lilly789's comments are not constructive and may make a situation worse. Hard talk, and telling someone (through inference) that their feelings don't matter is not constructive and as said before can make a situation worse (stated from my own experience).

Whilst at some point it may be helpful to take a look inward and ask 'what do I need to change' and 'what have I done wrong', when you are feeling at your lowest it is counter constructive. At all times your feelings are legitimate (feeling you have been wronged, feeling alone in the world) but keep in mind that these feelings are not evidence that the situation really is so bad or terrible as it feels. This is all from very recent experience.

Your mother isnt responsible for you. The end. You alcoholism and self pity isnt going to disappear just because you move in with your mother - youre just going to force her to share in your problems, such a debt, drinking, depression etc etc. Youve shown no effort to change, zero consideration of her. I dont blame her for not wanting you with her - and I think she's done the right thing by saying no - she would only end up enabling you.

I have no idea why you think you cant get a degree or get a job with a criminal conviction - Ive got a criminal conviction and Ive been to 5 universities, including in the U.S. and Australia (the UK is no different) - there's more than one way to skin a cat, as they say, you just haven't bothered finding out how and putting it into action.

This isnt your moms problem, its nothing to do with education or a job or how others wont let you have those things.

Its all about you. It doesnt really sound like youre taking any responsibility for yourself or your actions (since the porn, not just including it). In fact you seem to be doing everything you possibly can to avoid it.

You need to take some responsibility. I mean *actual* responsibility, not just words, actions.

There are thousands of charities and organisations who's whole reason for existing is to help people like you, with your drinking problem, your self pity, with treating depression and anxiety etc. You clearly have an internet connection. Look them up - not just one, a few, and start talking to them. They CAN help you "emotionally equip", but they cant do it all for you. You need to make the calls, and you need to show up.

It has to come from you. If you dont realise that youll just end up in jail or dead.

Please consider how you comments may affect others and if you are really qualified to give such harsh advice. If you are on this site reading posts and taking the time to answer posts when people are at their lowest you are most likely not as healthy and 'cured' as your 'holier than thou' posts imply.

 

[Lilly789]

Please consider how you comments may affect others and if you are really qualified to give such harsh advice. If you are on this site reading posts and taking the time to answer posts when people are at their lowest you are most likely not as healthy and 'cured' as your 'holier than thou' posts imply.

You think someone has to be "qualified" in anything at all to reason that a mother is not responsible for looking after and/or fixing an adult son's chosen reponse to a situation he brought on himself and has the ability to change himself? (not that "brought on himself" part is relevant, but its true and he posted that admittance himself, its not purely my opinion - he already knows it).

Or do you actually disagree and believe it is in fact his mothers responsibility and his inability to get a job or a degree is someones elses fault? (not that thats relevant either, because a childporn record does NOT stop one from getting a degree, although maybe stop one from being on campus).

The only "advice" I gave was to take responsibility for his life and find a therapist via one of the many organisations that are here to help him.

Lastly, I have no idea what you're talking about in regards to me trying to imply being healthy or "cured' of anything lol.. apart from me detailing the opposite in multiple posts on this forum, its pretty blatantly obvious from my posts that that is far from the truth.. I assume you're really incompetent or confusing me with someone else.

Having SA, or depression, or a personality disorder, does not always mean the person is unable to critically analyse a situation appropriately using logic and reason.

And, the only way he is going to get better at this point is by helping himself and reaching out to people who can appropriately help him - that is a professional organisation / people. This effort needs to come from him. No one is going to schedule him at this point (as demonstrated by his recent arrest at his mothers) and it would be VERY bad for him if it did get to that point when it just doesnt need to.

If that offends you... guess what... tough luck.

 

[Pacific_Loner]

I think you got some good advice up there, including Lilly789.

You are paying an expensive price for one mistake. You hit rock bottom. Now if you feel like you've been down long enough, no one is going to get you out of your mess, you have to get up on your feet, stop drinking, and start looking for solutions to get back on track.

It will be long and difficult, no miracles. But you'll get there if you make yourself a plan and some back-up plans, and you don't give up at the first obstacle.

 

[Kiwong]

You need some help Jimmy, you can't do this alone.

It is shame your family will not help you at all, but that is your mother's choice in this. You have to accept. I know of one recent case where the family of a murderer, rallied around him to help him get through to adapt to this life on the outside.

You've got to try and stop drinking, by finding people who will help you achieve that goal. There are people who may employ you with a criminal conviction, but you need to seek that out.

Take the first steps to fin people who can help.

 

[Kiwong]

The original poster has been feeling suicidal, suffers from severe anxiety and depression.

I don't think to provide the snap out of it, pull you socks up kind of advice is at all helpful. I don't think that is helpful for any sufferer of aclhoholism, depression or anxiety. Jimmy needs to find people to help is something that is agreed. I think there are better ways of trying to communicate that.

 

[Section_31]

The original poster has been feeling suicidal, suffers from severe anxiety and depression.

I don't think to provide the snap out of it, pull you socks up kind of advice is at all helpful. I don't think that is helpful for any sufferer of aclhoholism, depression or anxiety. Jimmy needs to find people to help is something that is agreed. I think there are better ways of trying to communicate that.

im inclined to agree