I have to rant.

Social_Monstrosity

Social_Monstrosity

Well-known member
I NEVER leave my apartment.

Well, my mom's apartment I should say. I haven't earned a penny in my entire lousy life.

I also...

-Don't work due to SAD.
-Don't go to school (I NEARLY dropped out of high school. Only by a shred of a miracle did I manage to graduate. I skipped SO many days.)
-Don't drive in a city where driving is almost a necessity (I get rides from my mother to some places, it makes me feel handicapped or just a waste of space, even if she does it out of love.)
-Don't have ANY friends and haven't since middle school. (I was completely alienated in high school, sure I was "friendly" with some other students but no relationships past the classroom ever came to fruition. I just wasn't liked for being "the quiet one".)
-Don't have any worthwhile interests. (In fact, nothing holds my interest anymore. Nothing "Wows" me anymore like when I was a child. I'm about as dull as it gets. I'm not exactly cultured, I rarely read. I don't care for television. I play World of Warcraft, but that's frowned upon. Music and film are the only mediums that I invest some degree of interest in, and even there I'm untalented when it comes to music, and with film I have some ideas, but I know they will NEVER see the light of day as long as my anxiety holds me back.)
-Don't have an attractive appearance. (Yes, as shallow as this complaint may be, I am very concerned with how I look. The irony is that I put in ZERO effort and yet I expect to look handsome. I just can't be assed in maintaining myself when I never set foot outside the apartment. I will never be satisfied with my appearance, especially if I persist in being a total fatass.)


So, minding my whininess in this post, it's blatant how ****ty my situation is. I've contemplated suicide multiple times but would NEVER go through with it. It would devastate my mother, and she's the only person I have in my life. The rest of my "family" essentially disowned me for lack of communication. Well **** them...I don't want to talk to them either, they never showed me true love and we have nothing in common anyway.

Depression, apathy, and anxiety are chokeholding my life, the tension sinking deeper and deeper until I cannot bare to live any longer. My very existence is miserable and I would not wish my life upon anybody. I realize that compared to people in certain third world countries, that my life is a ****in' BLAST. But, that is a moot point and doesn't hold a candle to my anxiety. I have NOTHING going for me.

I need to wake up. I need to reinvent myself. I need to tap into my old self. My anxiety-free self. But how can one perform such a task when there is nothing to see but misery? I'm not asking for PITY or anything...just ADVICE. ANYTHING.

It's like everybody was given a manual on how to live their lives...except me.
 
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planemo

planemo

Well-known member
Hah, when I read that I thought: "wow, you are exactly like me." A few minor differences though, is that I can drive (but hardly do so) and I do go out (though nowhere near as much as ordinary folks). All I can really say is that, I was in a much, much worse state then you are in now. I don't mean to say that, to minimize your situation and to make it seem as if I have a legitimate reason to be unhappy about my life, and you don't. I wish I could share some of my terrible experiences during the last few years, but I can't. I only say this so that you can know that even I have made progress, and so can you. It takes time, for me it basically took 2 years to get where I am now, and progress is slow.

You have to find a way to treat and overcome your anxiety. I guess what worked for me might not work for you, and I guess in time you will figure out where and what you need to do and go in order to improve. But despite how hard it may be you have to put yourself outside your comfort zone. It may be hell at first but in the long run, it is better. Trust me I know. If I didn't drag myself out into the terrifying open, I wouldn't have made any progress.

Your mum is there, and I'm sure she'll help and assist with what you need to do. My advice would be to see someone professional and start a plan to get to grips with trying to reduce your anxiety. If that goes away, you will in time feel more confident. Remember these things take time. So don't be upset if you can't go to a party tomorrow night.
 
Falkor

Falkor

1
I feel the same, my anxiety takes over my whole freaking life..
Hope I can wake up .. and be anxiety free... Live a great life full of chances...
 
kihira

kihira

1
Some positives

  • You write really well
  • You have a good grasp of where you are at
  • You are young with many years of potential ahead
  • You are better looking than you realize
  • You are intelligent enough to pass high school with low attendance
  • What else? There's sure to be more

Some suggestions

  • Limit world of warcraft and have regular breaks from it. I often see people messed up from over playing this
  • See a good therapist about your anxiety, once you have this under control, depression and apathy will fade
  • Have a shower every day
  • Help around the house, do stuff without being asked
  • Realize that you have to take control, it wont happen by itself
  • Stretch your boundaries every day, it doesn't have to be much, or take a great effort
  • Look for positive things around you and about yourself; don't waste thought space on negativities

:)
 
Dronee

Dronee

1
Maybe you can earn an income online... I've heard people that get income from playing WoW and Second Life somehow... If you write well or have any kind of ability... or even just know how to do surveys, there's possibilities on the web.
 
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