I feel I have nothing to offer women

[Argamemnon]

The main reason for me being single (love-shy) is that I feel I have absolutely nothing to offer people. I feel like I don't deserve a relationship, since I'm socially inept. Why on earth would any woman want to marry someone like me? And this also applies to having friends; why would anyone want to be friends with me? Do you feel the same?

 

[steviegerrard489]

Tell me about it. Quite a few girls have said to me: "Why are you still single? You've got so much to offer a woman." I tend not to believe them despite knowing that I'm tall, in good shape, top grades at school and uni, have my own apartment...

People like us need to get it into our thick skulls that there are bigger losers than us with great girlfriends.

I'm gradually trying to change my mindset to believe I have something to offer. The trouble is I tend to lose faith when I hear women talking about their ideal man. "He must make me laugh", "He must be outgoing and confident". Basically I'm neither of those so why would a woman want to go out with me?!

Also, have you ever read ay advrtisments on sites like match.com and yahoo dating? I totally don't fit any of the 'looking for' descriptions! It just makes me feel even more inept..

My biggest problem is that I don't meet any single women. Even when I do it takes me too long to get comfortable in their presence and there never seems to be any chemistry.

 

[Argamemnon]

There is a difference between you and people like me. Unlike you, I'm a real loser. I couldn't finish my education (I was studying to become a teacher), and haven't worked since 2001 due to depression and social phobia...

So, in my case, I really have nothing to offer women. Of course, I'm going to do something about this, but I will be over 35 when/if I reach my goals...

 

[Carol]

Most women don't really care whether their man has all the qualities that an "ideal" man is supposed to have. Maybe in high school the girls are more picky, but once they get into their 20's, they grow up. They might still say that the "ideal" man should be tall and strong and make them laugh or whatever... but reality is, in most cases those things won't make or break a relationship. What a woman wants is somebody who listens to her, cares about her, goes out of his way to make her feel special. It's all about how the girl feels about HERSELF when she's around you.

 

[Argamemnon]

Also, like I mentioned earlier, I can't make friends and I'm socially inept. What would women think of me when they discover that I have practically zero friends and no social life? Please, let's not pretend that there is nothing wrong with people like us. Everything is wrong with us.

 

[Carol]

You aren't the only one with a social phobia! The world is full of social phobics and many of them are women. Don't assume that nobody will ever be able to understand your situation and love you anyway.

 

[Kien]

But what are the chances that 2 social phobia persons meet, getting feelings for each other, and dare to show them?

 

[lazylinepainter]

Pfft. What do you mean by what you have to "offer" someone? Do you mean you wouldn't have lots of money to spend on them, a car, a thriving social life? Because believe me, if a girl would pass you up because you don't have these things then she's not worth your time anyway. And if you did have them, she wouldn't be satisfied with them for very long anyway.

Girls--the worthwhile kind, anyway--are simpler than you think, and a relationship with one doesn't require such superficial things you can "offer" her. As long as you're not completely selfish/arrogant/needy/negative, a nice girl will be happy with a guy who provides a caring ear to listen and soft arms to snuggle with.

My boyfriend is perpetually broke, no car, works at a pizza place, no education past high school, and has dubious hygiene :lol: But god knows I love the crap out of that boy...

 

[IBM]

I'm a social inept too. So i cant relate with anyone and girls are mistery to me .

 

[Rodox]

Well in my case,I am not that good looking,but somehow I had a lot of chances with girls so I dont think looks matter that much,but I feel if they discover the real me they wont like me,I also go blank when I am around them.......

 

[recluse]

I feel exactly the same way! This is the reason i have never had a girlfriend and it also applies to friends aswell.

I have a huge doubt in my mind that girls would not want to be with me. It's not that i feel ugly physically (although sometimes ido get attacks of body dysmorphia) it's more of the fact that i feel boring.....I can't think of anything to say in conversation and i feel like the unfuniest guy in the world. I try my best to be pleasant and i smile at people but i just feel dull and personality less.

I don't know if it's just me but do any of you guys think that girls hate you? I have this obsession that girls hate me, although i know that i respect women.

 

[Kien]

Girls doesn't care very much about appearance. (-,-) They want what people like us do not have.

 

[steviegerrard489]

I feel exactly the same way! This is the reason i have never had a girlfriend and it also applies to friends aswell.

I have a huge doubt in my mind that girls would not want to be with me. It's not that i feel ugly physically (although sometimes ido get attacks of body dysmorphia) it's more of the fact that i feel boring.....I can't think of anything to say in conversation and i feel like the unfuniest guy in the world. I try my best to be pleasant and i smile at people but i just feel dull and personality less.

I don't know if it's just me but do any of you guys think that girls hate you? I have this obsession that girls hate me, although i know that i respect women.

I've been through that whole 'hate' thing too, and still have those thoughts from time to time. Usually when I see a woman laughing and talking to other people but never making an effort to converse with me...

I think that in reality they are probably thinking the same, ie that I hate them and that's why I don't talk to them.

To make myself funnier I've learnt quite a few jokes off a well known comedian here in the uk.

 

[Rodox]

I don't know if it's just me but do any of you guys think that girls hate you? I have this obsession that girls hate me, although i know that i respect women.

I have this weird thing,that I think every girl who likes me is out there just to hurt me emotionally,the prettier the girl the stronger the feeling.

 

[strawberrybrunette]

I feel I have absolutely nothing to offer people. I feel like I don't deserve a relationship, since I'm socially inept.

I feel exactly the same. And not just love, but friendships too. The few friends i do have are the most beautiful, caring and sensitive people one could wish to meet - but when i'm with them, i often feel like i'm just taking advantage of their kindness. Also, i sometimes feel they just maintain contact with me out of pity, because i'm not a great friend, i'm extremely unreliable, i'm suspicious of people, and i feel i have nothing to offer people - no desirable traits, or anything. I haven't always been so shy and miserable - years ago i was quite a jolly, up-beat person. Sometimes i feel like they are just staying friends with me because they liked the person i used to be.

I feel that even if someone did like me, i'd just avoid them because a relationship with me would be very disappointing and boring for them - i don't enjoying going out and getting pissed, i don't enjoy going to restaurants and movies. Mostly, the things i enjoy are solitary activities. And i'm not a very warm person - it takes me ages to warm-up to people.

Also, i feel like if i did get into a relationship with someone, all their friends and relatives would dislike me. Does anyone else fear that?

 

[coriander1992]

Also, have you ever read ay advrtisments on sites like match.com and yahoo dating? I totally don't fit any of the 'looking for' descriptions! It just makes me feel even more inept..

.

Most women don't know what they want until they get it! :lol:

 

[Argamemnon]

As long as you're not completely selfish/arrogant/needy/negative.

I'm extremely negative, depressed and anxious most of the time. I often feel so anxious when talking to people that I honestly want to die right there. Today a distant relative came to visit me (doesn't happen often), and I feel extremely depressed now.

I could see that he saw how anxious and awkward I felt. He also told me to have more confidence and that I should be more social. I feel so incredibly miserable now that I want to die. Even my stomach hurts because of the emotional pain.

 

[Argamemnon]

I feel exactly the same. And not just love, but friendships too. The few friends i do have are the most beautiful, caring and sensitive people one could wish to meet - but when i'm with them, i often feel like i'm just taking advantage of their kindness. Also, i sometimes feel they just maintain contact with me out of pity, because i'm not a great friend, i'm extremely unreliable, i'm suspicious of people, and i feel i have nothing to offer people - no desirable traits, or anything. I haven't always been so shy and miserable - years ago i was quite a jolly, up-beat person. Sometimes i feel like they are just staying friends with me because they liked the person i used to be.

I feel that even if someone did like me, i'd just avoid them because a relationship with me would be very disappointing and boring for them - i don't enjoying going out and getting pissed, i don't enjoy going to restaurants and movies. Mostly, the things i enjoy are solitary activities. And i'm not a very warm person - it takes me ages to warm-up to people.

Also, i feel like if i did get into a relationship with someone, all their friends and relatives would dislike me. Does anyone else fear that?

I totally agree with everything.

 

[Argamemnon]

I guess the thing to hope for is a girl that's the same. There would instantly be something in common, even if it is a negative thing like SA.

I agree. I know I can't be with a "normal" woman.

 

[sketchy24]

This is something that never bothered me much.... if it happens it happens but try not to worry about it. Just gets you down stressing over it. While I don't think any girl would care for my looks (I get a number of complements on my lips though... I hate my lips though... and usually its the girl going man I wish I had those lips... so as a guy I don't think thats a good thing), I'm to afraid to ask anyone out. Maybe when I grow out of my social rabbit hole, I'll think about it more. But at the moment, its hard to do anything where you're putting yourself forward and you know people are going to judge you as soon as you step out (like job interviews, asking a girl out etc).