I don't know how to be a girlfriend?

Auburn

Active member
#1
I've been in a relationship with this guy for pretty much two months. But recently we've been getting more intimate. And it freaks me and my anxiety out.

Hand holding and hugs to say goodbye or hello are all we ever did (I was even the one who initiated those things, which is huge). It's actually the most I've ever did with anyone ever in my life. I'm not close with my family, we never hug or heck even say anything nice to each other, and the feeling of touch is pretty alien to me. Just last week I scared my doctor when I jumped when she felt my stomach.

Whenever he's gotten close I just freeze? I completely shut down and don't know what to do with myself. I lose all emotion, I just look away from his direction or just constantly keep talking and talking (I guess it's either me trying to distract myself from the situation, or trying to seem normal and casual about it all).

He tried to kiss me too (would have been my first kiss) and I panicked and completely backed away from him. I can't imagine how that made him feel.

He understands and wants to help, but with every question he asks I can't help but reply with "I don't know" because I don't. I literally don't know the answer. I don't know what I'm feeling or what I'm comfortable with. I just shut down and want to cry. And then after, thoughts of wanting to hurt myself surface.

I've never really been in a relationship before, not one that got this far anyway. I want to get over this and I really really want to be able to understand the thoughts and emotions I'm having. Right now they look and feel incredibly blurry and fuzzy. It's stuff I've never experienced before.

I feel so alien right now and it's not fun.
 

Mikazuki1590

Well-known member
#2
Only thing I can think of is to just try and take things little bits at a time. Like with the kissing issue, maybe just start off with a kiss on the cheek for a while and maybe after you feel comfortable with that, move up to small pecks on the lips and so on. Same thing with other affectionate actions/gestures. Just take it slow until you become comfortable enough with each thing.

My first GF tried to initiate a kiss with me and I backed away too, because I was so nervous/self conscious, so don't feel bad about that. Now a days I can initiate a kiss or whatever no problem. It already helps that your bf is really understanding about it. I'm sure you can overcome it in time.
 

FriendlyShadow

Well-known member
#3
I know I may not be much help in answering this thread, but I can relate with not being physically intimate with another person. I'm not in a relationship, however, there are times when I'm around a guy and I can usually tell when they are interested in me. To be honest, I've never been the flirty/romantic type and it ends up feeling awkward for me when I try to. Like you, I tend to avoid eye contact and anything that might lead to physical intimacy. In fact, I've never even went as far as to touching a guy besides hugging. But if you're not comfortable in your relationship, maybe you should try telling your boyfriend that it may take more time for you to open up. Tell him you don't want to rush things right away. If he understands, he'll be willing to wait.
 

Hot_Tamale

Well-known member
#4
I know I may not be much help in answering this thread, but I can relate with not being physically intimate with another person. I'm not in a relationship, however, there are times when I'm around a guy and I can usually tell when they are interested in me. To be honest, I've never been the flirty/romantic type and it ends up feeling awkward for me when I try to. Like you, I tend to avoid eye contact and anything that might lead to physical intimacy. In fact, I've never even went as far as to touching a guy besides hugging. But if you're not comfortable in your relationship, maybe you should try telling your boyfriend that it may take more time for you to open up. Tell him you don't want to rush things right away. If he understands, he'll be willing to wait.
Pardon my rudeness for bringing this up Shadow but I always pegged you as a man up until now. I didn't know you were a woman.
 

Auburn

Active member
#6
Thankyou for your help guys. I'm going to make sure I let him know it's going to take me a while to open up.

It's just frustrating for me because I really do want to move faster than we already are. The idea of it is easy but when it actually comes to initiating anything I just freeze and panic. Is there anything I can do to feel more comfortable and get over all this?

I need to help him to help me and I really don't know how
 
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