I am a quitter... :( Can I fix it?

MNM322

Well-known member
For many years of my life I have "quit" things I set out to do, wether out of fear or family making me feel bad. I have a 0 support system which makes things worse. I feel like its pointless to do anything when no one cares or thinks I can.

Right out of HS I went into therapy for bad depression/anxiety due to bullying. I was about 20 when I got out of that and got my first puppy. I got the dog to help me deal with things but also because I was ready to move on my own but didn't want to be "Alone". So I secretly applied to a school near Detriot for film studies and based on my screenplay sample, they accepted me. I remember crying when I read the letter and showing it to my family and no one said a word. My dad agreed to drive me out there to see the school and the area but was "not thrilled" with his daughter being alone in that part of town. He came home and told everyone how bad it was but I still wanted to go. A few nights before I was to move, my grandma, who I was really close to... called me and said "Hey I been having nightmares about you moving. I don't care what you do but don't call me at all if you live there. I don't want to hear from you" and this killed me. I called the school and declined.

A few years later, I tried a film school in NYC and even had grandma and my mom go with me to see it. They thought it was in a decent area but didn't think it was worth going to, because no one gets jobs like that but once again, my stubbornness wanted it anyway.... but then I spent 2 nights alone, while they stayed a bit away and I hated it. I hated the idea of being alone in a massive city where I didn't know anyone and got scared I'd make no friends. Again, I declined.

Then I changed gears and decided maybe film was a waste of time, I'll try music business. I got accepted into a school in Nashville. I love that city as does my family, everyone was finally happy. However, not long before term started, my cat died. I know thats lame but I just could not go, I started panicking about other people or pets dying while I was gone and the fear took over. I again, declined.

I gave up on "going" to school and went with a online program for dog training, which was nice and all but I have found with my SA, unless I am teaching someone one on one, I HATE doing it. I second guess my knowledge and everything with groups staring at me. I got a job offer this past spring at a local pet store for dog training, I did the training program for the job etc but when they put out to do my own class, I flipped out. I was sweating and saying "uh" alot. I hated every second of it and told the woman I could not do that job, and of course, everyone thinks I am a loser because I quit a job.

How do I stop quitting jobs/schools etc and start doing them? I mean my fear of flying is even so bad that if I don't have a ticket in my hand days before my flight, I'll call and cancel. I need to force myself to go on a plane.

I think this is why I can't keep friends either, I don't trust people and I am afraid of getting too close and losing them so somewher along the way, I probably intentionally ruin things. I am tired of this life. I am sooo bored and living with so much regret at 30.

I refuse to do meds and I don't have health insurance to talk to anyone so those are not options right now. Any advice?
 

MNM322

Well-known member
Ya well I know that now, I was obviously someone who wanted to please everyone else. I am tired of that though. I just can't force myself to do anything. I feel like I don't want anything that badly to push through without support.
 

jaim38

Well-known member
How do I stop quitting jobs/schools etc and start doing them? I mean my fear of flying is even so bad that if I don't have a ticket in my hand days before my flight, I'll call and cancel. I need to force myself to go on a plane.

I think this is why I can't keep friends either, I don't trust people and I am afraid of getting too close and losing them so somewher along the way, I probably intentionally ruin things. I am tired of this life. I am sooo bored and living with so much regret at 30.

Like you, I didn't have the guts to do many things. I applied and dropped out of several universities because of bullying, depression, loneliness, etc. But, I am actually GLAD I dropped out because my student loan debt is not so high due to dropping out. If I had continued with my pre-med/pre-health/Biology degree, I would be 30k-40k in the hole! And I'm not even cut out to be in the health care field. Plus, jobs for non-pre-med biology majors are not plenty. College is not for everyone. I've heard of people who graduated from college with 70k or even 100k in debt (scary!). I'm glad I moved back home and started saving money.

In life, you have to know when to quit so that you can stop wasting your time and start doing something better. Let me tell you, I almost got ripped off by some for-profit nursing school in my state. I registered for their vocational nursing program but only attended 2 days of classes; I was harassed and felt threatened during the first 2 days so dropped out afterwards. I thought that was the end of it but 2 years later, they sent me a bill for $3500!!! I only attended 2 days worth of classes there and even deposited a $300 down payment, so how the heck did I owe them $3500?!?! Fortunately, I still had the termination paperwork with me and everything was resolved.

So you see, I quit several higher educational institutes before they had a chance to rip me off and I'm glad I did. Sometimes being a quitter is not bad at all.

On the other hand, I started school at a cheap, accredited college near home and I actually liked my major. This time, I hope I don't quit.
 
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Dark angel

Well-known member
I may not be in a position where I should tell others what to do, because I have done the same thing over and over and regret a lot of things. BUT, that being said, I agree with the previous post. You should stop listening to what other people COMMANDS you to do. One thing is giving you an advice on wether you should perform a certain action, and another one is being told exactly what to do. You should do what you like and begin to take risks. You are still young, so you have time to retake whatever makes you happy. Sometimes our family do hurtful comments or try to guide us in their best interest but only you know what is best for your future. So, from now on everytime you feel the urge to quit from a situation force yourself to do it. The worst thing that can happen is that you fail in your attempt but at least you can say you tried it. And from what I read, you got the potential to make things happen, but dont cut them up short. If things dont go to the way you planned, oh well. Life always presents us with other options.Do not quit, it can be fixed :)
 

dottie

Well-known member
the long term benefit of sticking-it-out outweighs the short term gratification of quitting. the instant gratification of quitting is short term. you feel relieved when you quit because your anxiety and panic are quickly extinguished. you need to shift your frame of thought to focus on the long term.

if i quit now i will feel a short relief for a day or two but then i will be back to square one. in fact, i won't just be at square one, i will be two steps behind since everyone else is progressing. i will feel really crumby about this later on down the line.

it is not easy being the new person. because you keep quitting, you keep putting yourself at a disadvantage. you will perpetually be new everywhere you go. being new sucks. there is no confidence in being new. it is important to allow yourself to endure the insecurity, humiliation, and panic of being new before you can ever attain confidence.
 
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21NZ

Well-known member
that was a horrible thing for your grandma to say... i can't believe she said that! actually i hate to say this but your whole family is holding you back! there meant to be supportive! sometimes i wish i could steal peoples pain and bad memory's from them so they can get on with there lives! i really wish i could help you some how :(

My painfully brutal advice would be abandon ship, take your dogs and leave the country have a fresh start! come to New Zealand! every second person here has a dog or two! so you could find a dog/animal related job i suspect! or you could go to Spain, France, England (Dorset) somewhere new!

"I just can't force myself" ask yourself what you want more then anything and if it's i want to be "normal" (If there is such a thing) or sa free then ask yourself why? and aim directly for thos goals opposed to becoming "normal" or "sa free"

e.g i want to be sa free! why? so i can go clothes shopping by myself?
so then you would aim to go shopping by yourself opposed to trying to fix your "sa" because you should get more motivation that way and look at it in a more constructive manner?

ok im not sure if any of that make sense, or if it's even good advice? it's 4.36am and my brain mite have turned off

Also planes! ahhh have you tried taking sleeping pills?
 

21NZ

Well-known member
Like you, I didn't have the guts to do many things. I applied and dropped out of several universities because of bullying, depression, loneliness, etc. But, I am actually GLAD I dropped out because my student loan debt is not so high due to dropping out. If I had continued with my pre-med/pre-health/Biology degree, I would be 30k-40k in the hole! And I'm not even cut out to be in the health care field. Plus, jobs for non-pre-med biology majors are not plenty. College is not for everyone. I've heard of people who graduated from college with 70k or even 100k in debt (scary!). I'm glad I moved back home and started saving money.

In life, you have to know when to quit so that you can stop wasting your time and start doing something better. Let me tell you, I almost got ripped off by some for-profit nursing school in my state. I registered for their vocational nursing program but only attended 2 days of classes; I was harassed and felt threatened during the first 2 days so dropped out afterwards. I thought that was the end of it but 2 years later, they sent me a bill for $3500!!! I only attended 2 days worth of classes there and even deposited a $300 down payment, so how the heck did I owe them $3500?!?! Fortunately, I still had the termination paperwork with me and everything was resolved.

So you see, I quit several higher educational institutes before they had a chance to rip me off and I'm glad I did. Sometimes being a quitter is not bad at all.

On the other hand, I started school at a cheap, accredited college near home and I actually liked my major. This time, I hope I don't quit.

^way better advice then mine.
 

neohorizon

Well-known member
I refuse to do meds and I don't have health insurance to talk to anyone so those are not options right now. Any advice?

1)I really dont understand how the most rich country in world doesnt give free Health Care (mental care)! Professional help would be great for you!

2)My parents were always making the things harder for me too! (Still doing, but less).
What i did that helped me a lot, was make the **** hit the fan! I said all my problems to them, but i began slowly, arguing about my anxiety and the difficult to find a job, they began to worry about me, but not enough... So i said about the SA and how i was feeling bad and depressed! They help me find a psychologist and gave me courage to find a job (a **** one), i make few money and work as a slave. They had high expectations on me (they lost more than 15k dollars with my school)
But my father said something that i never thought he would say, he said that everybody has their problems, some people can find jobs or date easier them us... I just have to keep going, no stress, life is to short to worries!

And remember every time you stay in job, face your fears you are getting stronger and learning things... Running away doesnt make the problem disappear, you just delay it!

*Working its really a huge step for us with SA, dont worry you are not different

*srry my english *
 
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MNM322

Well-known member
Thanks everyone... first off, remember, my grandma only influenced the first listed issue, the rest, I decided.... but they never support me. I think they all have SA too so its always been "normal" to me to be this way. Mom always thinks "you need to be happy" as if its gonna happen by snapping my fingers.
They do hold me back... not that I am complaining, I love my PAY in my job and can't survive without it but I care for my brother (their son) who is disabled, Fulltime... and they wont help at all. If I go on a trip, I have to ASK the company to ask them to cover for me.... they assume "its your job, you care for him" so I have had this burden hovering over me for years too

I'd love a fresh start... but my dogs are quite old, a huge move would not be good for them. When they pass away, I may move to England and never look back. I miss it there. Although I have no idea what the hell I'd do for work, I am only good with animals. Everything else I see myself as "not good enough" for
 

Newtype

Well-known member
I used to be a quitter too or I would tell myself that I wasn't good like others at certain things and didn't bother trying to do them. I was scared of doing things because I would tell myself that I couldn't do them, that I was inferior to others. However, one day I realized that you shouldn't do things based on other people or do things because they are easier for you. You should do things to prove to yourself that you can do them and you should never accept that other people are better than you at something. This is good for anything in life. Do what you want to do, do what you feel, go at your own pace, your own way, and stop letting people get in your way, no matter who they are, and prove to yourself that you can accomplish things.
 

xDreamseller

Well-known member
"How do I stop quitting jobs/schools etc and start doing them? I mean my fear of flying is even so bad that if I don't have a ticket in my hand days before my flight, I'll call and cancel. I need to force myself to go on a plane."

Not really sure if this will make you more or less scared of flying...it makes me a lot less scared though. Just remember that, statistically, you're more likely to die traveling TO the airport, rather than actually on the flight. :D

That reassures me, as I love driving, sorry if it made you more scared to even go to an airport.
 

1BlackSheep

Well-known member
I mean my fear of flying is even so bad that if I don't have a ticket in my hand days before my flight, I'll call and cancel. I need to force myself to go on a plane.
I know the feeling! I had a bad panic attack on a plane one time and ever since then I get huge amounts of anxiety even thinking about flying. Fortunately, I've been able to handle it with the help of some Ativan!

Since you love animals, have you considered going to school to be a vet tech, or maybe working at a vet clinic in some other capacity? I thought about it myself but I just get too emotional being around animals that have to be put down. I'm fine working in a people clinic with all kinds of bad situations though - go figure! ::eek::
 
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21NZ

Well-known member
my brother once said the lamest joke to this woman, see was talking about her daughter always quitting her job because she wasn't happy with what she was doing and then was this massive awkward silence and my brother's like, "she must be pretty good at quittage" (the game from harry potter) i'm not sure if it is actually funny... sorry this hasn't got anything to do with your problem...

where in England would you go? that sounds like a good plan aside for waiting for the dogs... they might live a lot longer then you think, they looked pretty healthy in that picture to :) and they would probably hate the flight a lot less then you?
 

xDreamseller

Well-known member
Being a vet/vet nurse probably isn't a good idea BlackSheep. I've always loved animals (More than people) and always wanted to be a vet since I was young. My mum made me decide against it.

I thought it would be all nice, helping the sick animals get better. In reality it's not like that, it can be quite a depressing job, as vets have to put down a lot of animals (because people don't think it's worth the price to save them or because the animals wouldn't be able to cope with the after-treatment, such as horses with broken legs)

Also, seeing animals on a daily basis that are all damaged in some way would be horrible. It's not like working as a dog walker, where the dogs are usually in good health.
 

1BlackSheep

Well-known member
Being a vet/vet nurse probably isn't a good idea BlackSheep. I've always loved animals (More than people) and always wanted to be a vet since I was young. My mum made me decide against it.

I thought it would be all nice, helping the sick animals get better. In reality it's not like that, it can be quite a depressing job, as vets have to put down a lot of animals (because people don't think it's worth the price to save them or because the animals wouldn't be able to cope with the after-treatment, such as horses with broken legs)

Also, seeing animals on a daily basis that are all damaged in some way would be horrible. It's not like working as a dog walker, where the dogs are usually in good health.
I agree, and that's why I couldn't do it (and I've dealt with a lot of crappy stuff having done dog rescue for many years now), but that's not to say that MNM322 wouldn't be able to. Not everyone is the same! The vets and techs at the clinic I go to love their jobs and find it very rewarding, despite the negative aspects.
 
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Richey

Well-known member
personally speaking, i was always told i'd be the least likely to succeed back in early high school, then there was a fair bit of bullying going on for a few years which made me not want to even attend school, i mean if i can barely study because i'm being targeted then what good is that. i was made to feel guilty by very agressive personalities over the years that prey on my quietness.

so i was sort of conditioned into having low self esteem. i feel.

so in my 20s i usually last in a job for about 2 years then move on and they are all in different industries, not the one career. so ....for me its not looking great. unless i really change overnight i will be the dissapointment of the family, i mean, i already am anyway, i am seen as weak male for not having a career, not being a manager, not lasting longer than 2 years in jobs. never having a girlfriend etc.

at least you are trying though, i am always up for trying and working hard, it just hasnt worked out, i don't have the ego or the blind arrogance to be successful in a career, thats how i see it.

my persona is very placid which just isn't a great fit for alot of places such as fast-paced work places where gossipy egos usually shine through.
 
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