Huge family xmas party this year 2019, should i go?

grapevine

Well-known member
#1
I've been having anxiety attacks over a looming Xmas party this year in December.

The whole side of my mums family will be there, and we haven't had all the family get together in a long time. We usually have Xmas over my place with half of the family and those are usually the non-posh ones and non-socialites etc.

Its going to be at my cousins place - he just got a mortgage and has been doing up this house, even tho him and his partner recently travelled the world. His partner's family will be there and his other side of the family will be there too.

I just dont want to go because I went to one hosted by the same cousin and the same people years back and it was torture. Internal torture. I know jealousy is something good, that it can bring determination and show you want in life. But to sit there and feel regretful and lack of things in your own life due to mental illness when it smacks you in the face because of the emphases in the life differences. Or more, the lack of in my life to there's.

Then there is even the subtle things like body image and choice of clothes and things like that. I recently put on a huge amount of weight due to stress and binge eating because of situations in my life with a certain someone. I got adrenal fatigue and completely burnt myself out. Now i am just starting to of recovered after 3 years and getting better but i have to watch my anxiety and stress levels daily.

I just dont want to be in a situation again where i feel entirely inferior and not comfortable and likely to have an anxiety attack. On the other hand if i dont go, my mum will resent me for it and say something that will make me feel bad about myself. And i will miss a family xmas and feel like i did in my teens and 20s - that my illness got the better of me, that because i feel so badly about myself i cant cope going to these things and end up feeling ashamed and by myself.

I really dont know what to do.
 

Phoenixx

Well-known member
#2
I got adrenal fatigue and completely burnt myself out. Now i am just starting to of recovered after 3 years and getting better but i have to watch my anxiety and stress levels daily.
Is this per doctor's orders? Adrenal fatigue and burn out are no joke and if not monitored properly can result in a lot of other health issues.

Honestly if you're stressing this much, it might be best not to go this year and explain to your family why. I wouldn't feel guilty about not going if I had to monitor my health. You say your mom will say something resentful? Sounds to me like she just doesn't get it. If it were me though I'd take the gamble of letting her say what she wants rather than sitting through hours of torture and contributing to the burnout.
 

DeadmanWalking

Well-known member
#4
It really all depends on you and how you feel. One could say that you need to get out and socialize in order to get past social anxiety, but, if the cost is burning yourself out emotionally, then is it really worth it? You don't have to attend every single family gathering, but, on the other hand, people do say that you never know when the last time you saw someone will be the last time you see them. A compromise you could make would be to show up, spend a little time around your family, and then head back home. But, honestly, if you don't feel up to it, then you can stay at home and make sure to visit them later or something if you want. Your family shouldn't judge you for not being up to it.
 

Miserum

Well-known member
#5
I know what it feels like to feel compared to my other successful family members. Though sometimes I think it's all in my head. I can't think of a time where I've ever dealt with a "why can't you be more like [insert family member]" situation. I think a good way to help my anxiety in this situation is to realize that the only person doing the overly-harsh comparing is me.

99% of the time I've just bucked up and attended the event. It's usually not as bad as I've built it up to be in my head. The anticipation is usually the worst part of doing something I don't want to do.
 
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