How to connect with people?

[StupidWiz]

I'm sorry, I feel i need to vent this a bit. I feel lonely sometimes and it makes me depressed and sad, because I don't have many friends that I can talk to.

I'm having a trouble connecting with other people. Whenever I have a conversation, sometimes I don't know how to respond if that person brings up some issue, like philosophy, entertainment, etc. Like, my mind goes completely blank, and after that, people will find me boring.

I don't blame them , I am boring, I don't know anything about this world. I'm not interested in knowing about it either, I don't know why, maybe something terrible happened in my past, I can't remember what it was, that made me apathetic toward what's happening in this world, or even around me. I'm such a ****ing loser... ::

I really2 want to connect to other people, I want to make people to know me, I wanna tell the whole world that I actually exist. I wanna share my opinions, hopes and dreams to others and let them see that I am human being too, just like them. But all of these are impossible for me. I can't even articulate my post to make it interesting, I don't have a clever mind to actually construct an awesome paragraph. I'm just a stupid person, with a stupid mind, and maybe don't deserve a friend. Maybe I'm destined to be alone for the rest of my life?

I don't even know why I'm posting this, maybe I'm that desperate I guess. I'm trying to reach out, looking for people to teach me how to be a friend, how to make a people attracted to me and be proud to have me as their friend. I guess, this is a long shot, but I'll ask it anyway.

How to connect with other people? ::

 

[NathanielWingatePeaslee]

I don't know anything about this world. I'm not interested in knowing about it either, I don't know why, maybe something terrible happened in my past, I can't remember what it was, that made me apathetic toward what's happening in this world, or even around me. I'm such a ****ing loser... ::

I really2 want to connect to other people

I think there's a bit of a catch-22 to this situation. A lot of the desire to know about things in the world or feeling involved with it stems from your connections to people. Much of the world can seem pretty abstract, unappealing, and irrelevant if there's nothing to connect you to it.

And of course already feeling connections to things in the world makes having a common interest more likely, making it easier to connect with people.

On top of this, depression makes everything less interesting and appealing. It's a complex problem to tackle. I can only suggest starting small and attacking the problem from many angles. By that I mean looking into treating the depression, attempting to find something you find even somewhat interesting, and hopefully finding a way to connect that something to other people.

Sorry if that's not much help. :/

 

[fitftw]

I'm so far gone that my depression sounds better to me than living a "happy" "fulfilling" life. Either way we die.

 

[LazyHermitCrab]

Go to a bar with someone and chat about random stuff? I know what you mean though like if someone makes a joke it's hard to understand due to lack of experiance in any type of conversation....

 

[coyote]

....I really2 want to connect to other people, I want to make people to know me, I wanna tell the whole world that I actually exist. I wanna share my opinions, hopes and dreams to others and let them see that I am human being too, just like them...

i find that i have the most difficulty connecting when i'm trying too hard to express myself or share things about myself

but the more i just forget about myself and concentrate on the other person and work at finding out about them - the easier things become and the more conversation flourishes

things become reciprocal, and eventually, I find myself talking about myself as well - but not because I'm trying to make myself heard - rather because they asked to hear

 

[Pacific_Loner]

i find that i have the most difficulty connecting when i'm trying too hard to express myself or share things about myself

but the more i just forget about myself and concentrate on the other person and work at finding out about them - the easier things become and the more conversation flourishes

things become reciprocal, and eventually, I find myself talking about myself as well - but not because I'm trying to make myself heard - rather because they asked to hear

Agreed
....

 

[Deus_Ex_Lemur]

i find that i have the most difficulty connecting when i'm trying too hard to express myself or share things about myself

but the more i just forget about myself and concentrate on the other person and work at finding out about them - the easier things become and the more conversation flourishes

things become reciprocal, and eventually, I find myself talking about myself as well - but not because I'm trying to make myself heard - rather because they asked to hear

This. Being in the moment, and NOT in your own head in the moment. Letting go and being and doing. If only that could be easy and the norm. One day. =)

 

[WantToHide]

I totally agree with Coyote. When you ask about the other person they do most of the talking (which is good!) and they think you're really nice because you're showing an interest in them (also good!). And because I hate talking about myself, so long as I keep asking questions, I can pretty much deflect any attention away from me (probably not so good - I'll work on that one!)

 

[Feathers]

Hey Wiz,

Might wanna rethink your username (and maybe avatar too)?
OR you can revel in your 'stupidity' and be proud of it??

There's a certain dignity and achievement in admitting to be 'stupid' and you should not underestimate yourself for it!! Greatest philosophers admitted 'I know I know nothing' so you're well on your way to philosophy zen!!

Many 'smart' or 'intelligent' people also wish to be more 'stupid' sometimes!! It is a great privilege to not know so much sometimes!!

Also think of your mind as 'blank canvass' - to an artist, writer, teacher, there is nothing more exciting than a blank canvass... Someone already filled with knowledge and unwilling to listen to other people can definitely be more annoying to be with than someone willing to admit they don't know much and willing to learn...

But if you don't want to learn anything they might say, how about doing other activities together: swimming, skating, sports, DIY, building things...?

It depends what kind of people you hang out with also-? Are they 'snobs' and 'intellectuals'? Or more 'hands on' people who like to drink a beer and go bowling?

You may wanna find other people who'll appreciate you for who you are and find pleasure in common interests... If you're not interested in philosophy or entertainment, can you find other people who aren't interested in that either? What *are* you interested in? You can talk to people interested in *that* much more easily!!

You say you're not interesting in learning about this world: by that do you mean current events, biology and science and such?

Well, you ARE interested in how to connect with people better: so this is PSYCHOLOGY or social sciences... COMMUNICATION, NLP, social dynamics... body language and other things.. there's lots of info online and in books and other media...

If you want to learn more about this, you can decide to improve your mind and either read interesting books or websites or listen to podcasts or watch films/documentaries/videos, but you shouldn't be doing it for other people but for you, cause you're interested in things or the world and want to learn more... And if you're not, well, just focus on your real interests...

You got great advice otherwise here already...

If they come up with something that you know nothing about, you could ask eg 'What do you mean?' or 'Can you explain a bit?'

I don't know much about certain topics and people are usually very happy to teach you something they are interested in (or one can Google it up hehe) Some are happy to be 'teachers', some might be too impatient (and 'snobbish') Well, you wanna hang out with the patient and kind ones..

 

[StupidWiz]

Thank you very much for your advices, I didn't know what i was thinking when i made this OP. Maybe the depression got the best of me, haha, I don't usually rant like this, I think my post is childish and pointless, but what's done is done...

And what about my avatar? It's me!! Do I look so ugly and stupid that I've to change it? ::

Anyway, thank you guys for giving positive response, I feel lonely and depressed sometimes. I've once taken Personality disorder test somewhere, and the highest score was Borderline, Avoidant and Bipolar.

So, maybe I was in my depression phase when I wrote my OP, so, sorry about that. ::
And thank you coyote for your advice, I've been doing that but sometimes I don't like it. It feels like, I'm interrogating them or something, I don't know...

I'm always wanting to treat these personality disorder of mines, unfortunately I can't afford it yet. I'm still living with my parents and still financially dependent to them. Asking them to treat my disorder will be futile as they'll see my problem as religious stuff like being possessed by Demon or something, thus they might take me to a religious figure to have it removed from me.

 

[coyote]

^you don't look ugly or stupid

you look like a great guy

 

[StupidWiz]

^you don't look ugly or stupid

you look like a great guy

Aw, thanks coyote, that means a lot.

 

[MollyBeGood]

pick up some magazines and books and try to learn about life. Everyone I don't care who you are or what you look like or where you're from has a story to tell. I think you're probably being way to hard on yourself, like Feathers commented about your user-name, you're just setting yourself up for failure when you label yourself negatively. People pick up on that right away so if your trying to connect-stay positive. Nobody likes a downer, I have been one myself and I know it's very unattractive. Also, ask people questions about themselves because everyone(except social phobics) like to talk about themselves. Become a good listener and people will want to be your friend based on those qualities-positiveness and empathy. I hope this helps you some. Chin-up. depression is a beast and it clouds everything.

 

[Feathers]

lol Wiz I just meant it's better to be smiling in a pic!! Or look.. umm, neutral? You look allright, just seemed... umm, maybe frowning a bit? dunno... But on second thought maybe I just thought it because of the OP lol.. (and maybe I need better glasses yup)

Also, you do look kinda intelligent/intellectual as if maybe being an engineer or something? Maybe it's the glasses... So if you don't want to look so intellectual and have people mistake you for someone who likes discussing intelectual things, might wanna try a different 'look'?

About living with parents - I hear you on that one.. Try to be as financially independent as possible anyway.. check also any free help available locally, there may be support groups or such?
Or check for meetups of people interested in the same things that you're interested in...

As for being a 'downer', partly this is right.. it's good to be upbeat and cheerful, especially if you don't know people that well.. then when you get to know some better and 'click' with them you can tell some 'not so happy' things too, especially if they've been going through similar things too.. but it has to be give'n'take, not just one person 'unloading'; they say something, you say something etc.

As for 'interrogating' people, try to use the 'nonverbal' cues too, and maybe things like 'aha', 'hmm', 'oh, allright' etc. It helps to make it more 'natural' lol.. Maybe sometimes sum up what they've told you but with your own words... 'So the XYZ celebrity is actually dating FBC celebrity and there was a horrible scandal - how come I know nothing about this?' You can make fun of your own 'not knowing things' that way... (actually most of these things are too stupid to know anyway, most of the time!! )

Again, there are many articles and books on good communication and social intelligence, emotional intelligence etc. So you can learn a lot about all this... Good luck!!

 

[StupidWiz]

lol Wiz I just meant it's better to be smiling in a pic!! Or look.. umm, neutral? You look allright, just seemed... umm, maybe frowning a bit? dunno... But on second thought maybe I just thought it because of the OP lol.. (and maybe I need better glasses yup)

Also, you do look kinda intelligent/intellectual as if maybe being an engineer or something? Maybe it's the glasses... So if you don't want to look so intellectual and have people mistake you for someone who likes discussing intelectual things, might wanna try a different 'look'?

About living with parents - I hear you on that one.. Try to be as financially independent as possible anyway.. check also any free help available locally, there may be support groups or such?
Or check for meetups of people interested in the same things that you're interested in...

As for being a 'downer', partly this is right.. it's good to be upbeat and cheerful, especially if you don't know people that well.. then when you get to know some better and 'click' with them you can tell some 'not so happy' things too, especially if they've been going through similar things too.. but it has to be give'n'take, not just one person 'unloading'; they say something, you say something etc.

As for 'interrogating' people, try to use the 'nonverbal' cues too, and maybe things like 'aha', 'hmm', 'oh, allright' etc. It helps to make it more 'natural' lol.. Maybe sometimes sum up what they've told you but with your own words... 'So the XYZ celebrity is actually dating FBC celebrity and there was a horrible scandal - how come I know nothing about this?' You can make fun of your own 'not knowing things' that way... (actually most of these things are too stupid to know anyway, most of the time!! )

Again, there are many articles and books on good communication and social intelligence, emotional intelligence etc. So you can learn a lot about all this... Good luck!!

Thank you mountaingirl and feathers and everyone else for your advices. Hm, probably it's indeed my username that keeps me from connecting with people, I've been using this username in many forums I joined so I'm kinda stuck with it. But from now, I'll consider changing it, see if it makes any difference.

Thanks again, I feel great after hearing your advices, I guess I'm entering my Manic phase now, haha. I <3 you guys and gals.

 

[Beatmetrics]

I really2 want to connect to other people, I want to make people to know me, I wanna tell the whole world that I actually exist. I wanna share my opinions, hopes and dreams to others and let them see that I am human being too, just like them.

I don't know but maybe the question should be how can I show others that they can connect with me?! Like, how can you have fun with being yourself and showing others that these are your acceptable (because they are)ways of expression. Like it or not its a way of life for you and could be for them if they see it fits them. There is people out there that views things in the same way you do. The matter is letting opinions and expressions out. Once you've pushed through a couple of clicks/groups of people you just may find someone who actually finds what you say or do appealing.