How do I forgive my mom?

[Minty]

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[miss_amy]

I would try see it as she has problems and issues herself. Maybe she doesnt know what to say or how to handle it. Maybe she feels guilt and responsible for how you are suffering now. Just because someone is older it doesnt make them have all the answers or know how to do the right things. Mom probably is feeling as bad as you are.

I don't really agree with the 'people who let other commit suicide' thing. We all have to be responsible for ourselves. It isnt up to others to save us..we need to find our own way. Try not to lean on people who can't or won't help. A broken crutch is no use to anyone.

 

[Pacific_Loner]

Isn't she the kind of person unable to talk about feelings? So maybe she loves you and would like to help you but she just has no idea how, and this "I read your message by the way" was an ultimate tentative to try to tell you that she cares, but she didn't know how to continue and felt embarrassed so she just said that and left? It doesn't excuse her, but understanding why she acts like this might help you to forgive.

 

[Minty]

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[Minty]

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[DespairSoul]

Mity,

Well, could be to tactically passive acting to you from your mom because she is really worried and she think if she will ignore u will go over it. Everyone is inside diffrent. Maybe she suffer inside and she swallow everything to her soul with out words. This can be manifestation of her pain. I know i understand must be hard if she dont react on your suicidal thoughts and silence between u and your mom create ices wich should be breake it with kind words of her,understanding to you an try calm you. May i ask u she never show you love?How was your growing with your mom from childhood till now?She was always passive to you?Or she start be passive if your problems come out=/?

 

[Minty]

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[kihira]

Isn't she the kind of person unable to talk about feelings? So maybe she loves you and would like to help you but she just has no idea how, and this "I read your message by the way" was an ultimate tentative to try to tell you that she cares, but she didn't know how to continue and felt embarrassed so she just said that and left? It doesn't excuse her, but understanding why she acts like this might help you to forgive.

This was my immediate thought. She acknowledged what you said but didn't know how to effectively respond. You have opened up a communication channel with her, so if you have a particular need or want, then ask for it directly - "Mum, do you love me? I need you to tell me that you love me"

 

[Dronee]

My mom consistently ignores me and I believe this has contributed to my development of AvPD. I even once told her I had been depressed since I was a little girl and had been struggling with thoughts of suicide. She ignored this too. Last night, we had a bit of family drama and I thought I would confront her with my issues on Facebook, because she's a passive introvert and I thought she would be much less overwhelmed if I put my thoughts into text, rather than facing her in person. I was giving her the opportunity to help me out in her own way. I really opened up to her in that message which was hard to do. After reading it, she went into my room and asked how she would explain to her friend the concept of EVPs (she's really into ghosts). I thought, "Oh. She must not have read my message yet. No worries." but as she left, she said, "I read your message, by the way." And that was that.

I guess it really hurts me because I don't understand how someone who claims to love you could not take action when you tell them you're suicidal? Not even give two words of consolation? Like "it's okay, honey"..."I love you"... ANYTHING. I get angry at people who don't help those who are crying out to them...and I hate that my own mom is one of those people.

I don't want to hate her though. I really, really don't. How do I accept my passive mom? How do I forgive her? I can't carry this resentment around. I love her too much and it's hard on me to be angry at those I love. I just want to let go but something is holding me back. I feel like if I accept her, I'm accepting those who let others commit suicide. It's against my own personal morals.

Other than what has been said, it's entirely possible that your mum is just afraid of positive reinforcement... that is, if she consoles you when you're "acting up" (to her at least), then she's rewarding that behavior.

Parents aren't perfect... I think you just need to get through to her that you REALLY are in need of some visible love and attention. Just be aware though, that some parents, even if they REALLY do love you very much, can't do it because of their own upbringing.

Hope it works out for you.

 

[WriterChick3]

Sometimes people don't know how to react to a situation involving suicidal talk; Sometimes they keep it inside or choose not to process it in order to avoid a break down of their own.

This is something stupid I'm gonna ask because I'm sure you have: But have you ever told your mom how much you love her and wish you could get her support, that if you knew she cared it would all make a difference?
Maybe ask her what she thought of it ... Like I said, sometimes people don't know how to handle these kinds of situations. They want to get it, but something prevents it.
Sorry I can't be much help. :/

 

[Minty]

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[Minty]

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[awkwardamanda]

My mom consistently ignores me and I believe this has contributed to my development of AvPD.

Since she seems to have difficulty showing emotions, maybe she has it too??

 

[Falkor]

I found this topic.

Just wanted to share my thoughts on it. My mom can be very passive too, but I know she can't handle this. Because when I suffer, she's suffering. She can't talk about my pain sometimes, just because she get hurt when she hear it. Does your mother show you love and care in other situations, like with no problems involved? My mom shows care in other situations, sometimes she cheers me up by saying positive things. I think my mom would be really different if I'm not isolated anymore, If I make a lot of progress, I did make alot of progress already, but still I think she would be happy when she sees the changement, like I really go face everything I fear.

You know, every child has issues with their parents, some have like you, a very painful childhood, and I just wish you could get the love you are fighting for, but sadly they can't give you that. Or the people like me who have been rough times with my family, which my parents have no energy left for my situation, because they can't see this pain going on. Or the child who gets too much love, that's not good too. You need to stand on your feet, and find the way yourself, and try to fight alone. But of course, love and care is an important thing. because everyone needs that.