S_Spartan
Well-known member
Wow! I was happy to come across this site! It's the best social phobia site I have found. My only concern is that I'm a bit too old as there seems to be many younger people here. I'm about to turn 39 in a few days and I guess I'm feeling self-conscious about my age.
Anywho, I have been suffering from social phobia/OCD/depression for my entire life. All by myself. No professional help. That's not really by choice but rather a decision that has been guided by finances and not having anybody to hold my hand through the process. Here in America if you don't have money to pay for help then you have to get into "the system" and the whole thing has always looked very daunting, especially when you have social phobia. It's a catch 22.
Another reason has been my unwillingness to accept that the problems are as serious as they really are.
Last year I took a huge risk and moved 400 miles away from my family. Sink or swim. To finance the move I sold many of my belongings. It felt great at first. It was the most frightening thing I have ever done. Very empowering, but then the old feelings started to come back more severe than ever. I've managed to survive a year and two months but now the money is running out and it's down to either find a job or move back home. I've been sending out resumes but I hear nothing back and even if I did, my social anxiety kicks in and I don't know how I would handle going to an interview. I guess I would just sweat it out and probably blow it because I would feel so nervous.
So there it is. My whole pathetic life.
It's tough to get to 39 and realize that you haven't done much in your life. It sucks. Calls back home tell of people from my past who are doing great. Many are successful, sometimes even rich. Families, houses, you know, the American dream and I haven't been able to achieve such things.
Then again, I know that some of those people have had better luck than me. Just not having a mental disorder[like SP, OCD or depression] is what I would consider a stroke of good luck!
Anywho, I have been suffering from social phobia/OCD/depression for my entire life. All by myself. No professional help. That's not really by choice but rather a decision that has been guided by finances and not having anybody to hold my hand through the process. Here in America if you don't have money to pay for help then you have to get into "the system" and the whole thing has always looked very daunting, especially when you have social phobia. It's a catch 22.
Another reason has been my unwillingness to accept that the problems are as serious as they really are.
Last year I took a huge risk and moved 400 miles away from my family. Sink or swim. To finance the move I sold many of my belongings. It felt great at first. It was the most frightening thing I have ever done. Very empowering, but then the old feelings started to come back more severe than ever. I've managed to survive a year and two months but now the money is running out and it's down to either find a job or move back home. I've been sending out resumes but I hear nothing back and even if I did, my social anxiety kicks in and I don't know how I would handle going to an interview. I guess I would just sweat it out and probably blow it because I would feel so nervous.
So there it is. My whole pathetic life.
It's tough to get to 39 and realize that you haven't done much in your life. It sucks. Calls back home tell of people from my past who are doing great. Many are successful, sometimes even rich. Families, houses, you know, the American dream and I haven't been able to achieve such things.
Then again, I know that some of those people have had better luck than me. Just not having a mental disorder[like SP, OCD or depression] is what I would consider a stroke of good luck!
