chrisWouldliketobeNormal
New member
Hi everyone,
im new to this forum and i just wanted to say hi, maybe ask some questions, maybe vent(depending on how much time i have).
im 20, living in new jersey, full time student.
I have social anxiety and probably a lot of other things but than agian who doesn't on this site? It's been at its extreme(or what i consider it to be extreme at the moment) for the past 5 months. Ive been on and off xanax, and it didn't do what i thought a drug for SA should do... so i just stopped taking it.
I smoke marawanna occasionally but i'm starting to notice the pattern between anxiety attacks, and the weed. I used to be find smoking it a year ago to be an amazing experience, one i couldn't wait for everyday, but for the last 3 months, ever since school has started it's become the most hatred thing in my life. (well marijuana + school to be specific).
I have friends, my own clique, a girlfriend who is with me because of who i am, and she's someone i can vent to.
but when i'm not around a certain crowd of people i trust, i close up.
than the anxiety attacks: extreme paranoia of the world, and the people around me, shaking, racing thoughts at the speed of light... and these only happen when i'm around certain people that just like to poke fun at me so they can feel Superior in their own little crowd of friends, which is ridiculously dumb, and i'd love to 'shut these fools down' but i can't muster up any courage, no matter where i look.
In my group of friends, i can say what ever i want, and not think much about it... i will criticize them, get criticized and not really care.
i think i might have an OCD of diagnosing my self with symptoms i fit... like... Asperger's symptom of having an interest in "part of something, instead of the whole thing", example: i like lyrics, not too much the background music...or the person singing/rapping those lyrics. idk...
I'm a super confused person right now, and so much has happened that its almost impossible for me to explain it to anyone, so no one understands at all... people who just meet me or look at me in class, think im just another weird person.
I'm really sweet inside, and i hate lying, i hate hurting people, i hate judging people based upon their physical appearance, or physical nature. the last time i lied was like a week ago, to someone on omegle.com which is stupid because it's a stranger who doesn't know im lying at all, but i still feel bad about it...
i'm depressed, stressed out from so much in my life,unmotivated, emotionless...towards others(not in the sense im cruel to them, i just don't feel anything towards them..idk how to explain it)
I've done acid once... which completely changed me... for the worst(where i am right now)/ and for the better...
it made me listen to my inside voice more, instead of just taking orders from the outside world like my parents, teachers, friends, what i heard and followed because of others.
but i hate it now, because i think TOO much. :[ sorry this is so long, and if anyone really has read it i thank you lots... i guess i did have time to vent, lol.
-much love to everyone
im new to this forum and i just wanted to say hi, maybe ask some questions, maybe vent(depending on how much time i have).
im 20, living in new jersey, full time student.
I have social anxiety and probably a lot of other things but than agian who doesn't on this site? It's been at its extreme(or what i consider it to be extreme at the moment) for the past 5 months. Ive been on and off xanax, and it didn't do what i thought a drug for SA should do... so i just stopped taking it.
I smoke marawanna occasionally but i'm starting to notice the pattern between anxiety attacks, and the weed. I used to be find smoking it a year ago to be an amazing experience, one i couldn't wait for everyday, but for the last 3 months, ever since school has started it's become the most hatred thing in my life. (well marijuana + school to be specific).
I have friends, my own clique, a girlfriend who is with me because of who i am, and she's someone i can vent to.
but when i'm not around a certain crowd of people i trust, i close up.
than the anxiety attacks: extreme paranoia of the world, and the people around me, shaking, racing thoughts at the speed of light... and these only happen when i'm around certain people that just like to poke fun at me so they can feel Superior in their own little crowd of friends, which is ridiculously dumb, and i'd love to 'shut these fools down' but i can't muster up any courage, no matter where i look.
In my group of friends, i can say what ever i want, and not think much about it... i will criticize them, get criticized and not really care.
i think i might have an OCD of diagnosing my self with symptoms i fit... like... Asperger's symptom of having an interest in "part of something, instead of the whole thing", example: i like lyrics, not too much the background music...or the person singing/rapping those lyrics. idk...
I'm a super confused person right now, and so much has happened that its almost impossible for me to explain it to anyone, so no one understands at all... people who just meet me or look at me in class, think im just another weird person.
I'm really sweet inside, and i hate lying, i hate hurting people, i hate judging people based upon their physical appearance, or physical nature. the last time i lied was like a week ago, to someone on omegle.com which is stupid because it's a stranger who doesn't know im lying at all, but i still feel bad about it...
i'm depressed, stressed out from so much in my life,unmotivated, emotionless...towards others(not in the sense im cruel to them, i just don't feel anything towards them..idk how to explain it)
I've done acid once... which completely changed me... for the worst(where i am right now)/ and for the better...
it made me listen to my inside voice more, instead of just taking orders from the outside world like my parents, teachers, friends, what i heard and followed because of others.
but i hate it now, because i think TOO much. :[ sorry this is so long, and if anyone really has read it i thank you lots... i guess i did have time to vent, lol.
-much love to everyone
