Having space within a relationship

grapevine

Well-known member
Just wanted to know for those who have been or are in a relationship, how much time should you spend together - is spending just about everyday together normal?

Im 34 and living with my partner kind of. I want to be able to spend time at my home without him - but I feel rude to ask of it.
 

GraybeardGhost

Well-known member
What's normal varies from one relationship to the next, depending on the circumstances and the people involved, but neither partner should be allowed to dictate a schedule to the other. Your time is your time; it doesn't belong to him. You shouldn't have to feel bad about spending some of it by yourself if that's what you need to do.
 

Megaten

Well-known member
Its only normal if thats what both people want. He's going to have to learn to make concessions for you just like you have for him.
 

Fey

Well-known member
Some space is normal and I don't think it's rude to ask for. People still need time to pay attention to their own hobbies and friends, or just to rest without having to talk to anyone.
 

theoutsider

Well-known member
Just wanted to know for those who have been or are in a relationship, how much time should you spend together - is spending just about everyday together normal?

Im 34 and living with my partner kind of. I want to be able to spend time at my home without him - but I feel rude to ask of it.

I don't think there's a set amount of time. It's what you feel comfortable with. Relationships are tricky sometimes, it might not be a good idea to just come out and say you need a day or so away from him and ask if he could please stay away from you at times. Your intentions are good but that type of thing can easily be misinterpreted to mean you are growing tired of him (this may be more common with females than mails...I honestly don't know). You have to gradually make space for yourself, like scheduling things you intend to do alone. Let him know ahead of time what you will be doing so that it doesn't come as a shock. He may ask if you want him to come with you. It's at that point that you can express that you want to go alone. In my relationship, this has worked well. Now when I want space to myself, or my wife wants space to herself, it's not a big deal whereas before we would spend every extra minute of every day together.
 

MollyBeGood

Well-known member
Just wanted to know for those who have been or are in a relationship, how much time should you spend together - is spending just about everyday together normal?

Im 34 and living with my partner kind of. I want to be able to spend time at my home without him - but I feel rude to ask of it.

If you are in a serious relationship and you live together be prepared to spend everyday together, even if you don't want to. ...Unless you have some super-understanding partner who gets you and doesn't take it personally that you need space... That would be the best situation for me, since I am like you in that I need a lot of elbow room to feel good and happy. I need my alone time so much since most relationships exhaust me. Gotta recharge. Probably best for people like me to be alone IDK anymore :idontknow:
 

S_Spartan

Well-known member
Yeah I need my space now. I don't think I could live with someone now.
Best setup for me would be if we both had our own place.
 

Phoenixx

Well-known member
It's good to have space apart and to live in your own little bubbles every so often. How much depends on you and your partner. Mine and my partner's schedules don't match up too frequently, so we always have space apart. Sometimes throughout the year it's more often than others - his job schedule constantly varies and mine does too as I also go to school. Either way, each of us spends every single day doing our own thing (for several hours) without the other around, and being that we're both introverts we don't mind.
 

grapevine

Well-known member
thankyou for responding.

I wrote to him- despite being in the same room. lol.
I told him what I was missing -(doing my own things that make me happy- eg - juicing and cooking at home and exercising etc..) - and that its very hard to try and do those things at his place - as I have tried.
And I told him that part of my identity feels lost because I havent been doing my raw lifestyle stuff as much anymore- that sort of thing.
He was very sympathetic and told me that I can do those things - that it dosent bother him and if I want my independence - just to do what I gotta do. That he will be there at his place doing his thing.

But Im afraid- that after that - this week I feel like he has decided to concentrate on his own hobby now (music) and not on me anymore for a little while. I mean he is still there - but for the last few days - his priorities have changed a little. But that is okay.

Just still hard for me though - as it feels like by asking for that space- it kind of feels like its wrong or something - but he is fine with it.
 
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