Has anyone else tried to compensate for SA like this?

[DanielLewis]

Like many of you I'm sure, I've become very frustrated over SA and shyness. Every single day, I feel that I fail when it comes to socializing and connecting with others around me. Many times I just feel socially retarded not knowing how to start conversations, keep them going, or even how to respond to other people. It leaves me feeling angry with myself and frustrated every day because it sucks to live like this.

In order to compensate for feeling like a complete failure socially, I try to improve myself drastically in other areas of my life. In particular, I study, read, and workout a lot. I don't attend college, but I still study and practice mathematics and music in my free time just to try to get smarter and become more skilled. It does make me feel better and takes the focus more off of failing socially.

Do you also dedicate your time to working hard at something in order to compensate for social failure? Do you sometimes think "Oh, if I become really good at this, or I achieve this, I will succeed socially in the future?" So, in the case of working out, do you think having a fit body will draw more people to you, and so that's part of the reason you do it?

 

[nikki94]

Like many of you I'm sure, I've become very frustrated over SA and shyness. Every single day, I feel that I fail when it comes to socializing and connecting with others around me. Many times I just feel socially retarded not knowing how to start conversations, keep them going, or even how to respond to other people. It leaves me feeling angry with myself and frustrated every day because it sucks to live like this.

In order to compensate for feeling like a complete failure socially, I try to improve myself drastically in other areas of my life. In particular, I study, read, and workout a lot. I don't attend college, but I still study and practice mathematics and music in my free time just to try to get smarter and become more skilled. It does make me feel better and takes the focus more off of failing socially.

Do you also dedicate your time to working hard at something in order to compensate for social failure? Do you sometimes think "Oh, if I become really good at this, or I achieve this, I will succeed socially in the future?" So, in the case of working out, do you think having a fit body will draw more people to you, and so that's part of the reason you do it?

This is me exactly! I have been working out a lot in the hopes that people will like me because the way I look and somehow will be more popular ha... but yes it does help improve my self esteem I guess

 

[bsammy]

Ehh kinda...i started working out because I thought being bigger and stronger would help me be more popular, well liked by peers..it doesn't work like that.. Oh and adding a lot of muscle and strength has done nothing for my SA or avoidance..well, I might be worse if I didn't do it ..

No amount of money or an abundance of anything else will fix your SA or especially avoidant traits

 

[Earthcircle]

Like many of you I'm sure, I've become very frustrated over SA and shyness. Every single day, I feel that I fail when it comes to socializing and connecting with others around me. Many times I just feel socially retarded not knowing how to start conversations, keep them going, or even how to respond to other people. It leaves me feeling angry with myself and frustrated every day because it sucks to live like this.

In order to compensate for feeling like a complete failure socially, I try to improve myself drastically in other areas of my life. In particular, I study, read, and workout a lot. I don't attend college, but I still study and practice mathematics and music in my free time just to try to get smarter and become more skilled. It does make me feel better and takes the focus more off of failing socially.

Do you also dedicate your time to working hard at something in order to compensate for social failure? Do you sometimes think "Oh, if I become really good at this, or I achieve this, I will succeed socially in the future?" So, in the case of working out, do you think having a fit body will draw more people to you, and so that's part of the reason you do it?

I am 51 years old, and I can say that this is what I have been doing since I was a teenager. Unfortunately though, I don't feel that I have ever become really properly accomplished at anything. I suppose I am some sort of intellectual, but I see people who are far more accomplished than I am who are also very social. They really make me feel like a failure.

 

[bsammy]

I am 51 years old, and I can say that this is what I have been doing since I was a teenager. Unfortunately though, I don't feel that I have ever become really properly accomplished at anything. I suppose I am some sort of intellectual, but I see people who are far more accomplished than I am who are also very social. They really make me feel like a failure.

yes its strange the importance many of us or society puts on social status..i have peers that dont work, owe tons in child support, drug habits yet they have many friends, constantly have girlfriends and seem to be enjoying life much more than me ..this makes me feel like a failure big time or very much beneath them yet im a much higher functioning member of society..social status means a lot though..ugh

 

[SCP-087-1]

Yeah I get that. I started working out a while ago and it has helped me. I've bulked up quite a bit and even have abs. It's given me confidence. Also other people seem to have noticed and women talk to me more than they use to. It doesn't seem to matter to them that I'm weird and awkward now that I have a fit body

 

[vj288]

I used to do this all the time, put extra effort in the aspects of my life I felt I could control to make up for my downfall, notably my social abilities. It was sort of like adding a new coat of paint to a car with no tires though. You can make it really nice, but it's never going to leave the garage without tires. My thinking was always that, when I finally DO put tires on the car, it'll be really awesome in a way that cars that've been on the road this whole time can't be. Or that was my thinking at least.

 

[Lonely_Writer]

I can definitely relate to this. I spend a lot of free time reading or learning new hobbies. In some way I hope these superficial things will fill that void of not having people around. I think if I just open up, that feeling will go away. Too bad my SA gets in the way of that all the time. So I am really just stuck at home alone left to my own devices.