Happy to hear friends' bad news - am I evil?

[Froggy246]

This is a confession I am very ashamed of, and wish it wasn't the case believe me, but something inside me takes pleasure hearing about things going badly for people, and I can get a bit depressed/envious when I hear about things going well for people. This relates to friends mostly, or acquaintances, maybe cousins a bit as well.

For example if someone gets the sack, or hates their job, or their relationships, and just generally if someone feels bad about their life in some way I feel better myself than if they had some good news to tell me about.
Another example is when someone falls off the wagon, for instance if they gave up smoking or drinking but has started doing it again, or if they were meditating everyday and doing yoga but hadn't done it for ages.
Or weight gain, that's another bit of news I don't mind hearing about.

On some occasions I do feel genuinely happy to hear the good news, and I much much prefer this! But much of the time my initial feeling is a sunken one.

I know I'm not going to win many friends on here admitting this, but that was unlikely anyway, just had to get it out there to see if anyone can relate at all, or if not, to see if I am actually evil! Or just sad. :question::question:

 

[kihira]

Maybe you're usually negatively comparing yourself to these people, and when misfortune happens to them you feel a sense of some sort of balance occurring??

 

[Hellhound]

I stepped on dog poop while barefoot.

I don't mind making you laugh.

 

[LoVe13]

I feel horrible about wishing for bad things on basically good people. For example, my best friend who I have known since I was 4 years old got married 3 years ago and since then I don't feel like I know her anymore. Its to the point we rarely speak. Everyday I wish I would hear she's getting a divorce. How horrible am I? I can't believe I just admitted that...

 

[Hellhound]

Some friends get so into their relationships that they forget they once had friends. Wishing them for a divorce is a selfish thing, but what they do is also selfish. Let's say that both parts are in the wrong.

 

[jc972]

I stepped on dog poop while barefoot.

I don't mind making you laugh.

Got any hookworms yet?

 

[Emerald1]

I definitely relate and feel badly about it, but I feel that good things happen to other people ALL the time and it seems that it's so easy for them. I get jealous of that because it takes me so much effort to do anything and life just seems to offer nothing back. I sounds horrible too. My point is, I understand where you're coming from.

 

[Stressball]

Honestly, I think most people have probably secretly felt like this at some point in their life. I certainly have. I have felt relieved or happy when certain people I know screw up or have something bad go on. Usually it is people I think are self-centered and treated me like crap, but sometimes its people that are good and have never done anything bad to me. I feel shitty about it afterwards, since I know that's a reflection of my own misery and sense of inadequacy. You keep thinking some people just have it so easy; they have the good looks, natural charm and right opportunities come to them and it makes you secretly pissed, but at the same time you know the kind of persona people put on isn't always the reality, everybody has struggles in life. Anyway yeah, I really get it. I think you're brave for admitting it too.

 

[MollyBeGood]

I was watching American Idol when Simon was on it and he said that British people as a whole are rarely happy for others success..thought that was interesting of him to say.

I get genuinely happy for someone I love but I might feel a bit jealous if it's a stranger which is weird.

 

[WeirdyMcGee]

Schadenfreude Lyrics (Avenue Q) - Explict - YouTube

 

[Solo Dolo]

I would think its actually fairly normal. It just kinda helps you feel better about yourself, i'm sure.

 

[MollyBeGood]

Schadenfreude Lyrics (Avenue Q) - Explict - YouTube

great word right? leave it to the Germans to have a word for that!

 

[LoVe13]

LOVE LOVE LOVE that the Germans have a word for this! Thanks for sharing! I feel slightly less guiltynow.

 

[Froggy246]

Maybe you're usually negatively comparing yourself to these people, and when misfortune happens to them you feel a sense of some sort of balance occurring??

Could be some truth in that, I'm not entirely sure, comparing myself is definitely involved.

I can definitely relate.

Cheers, glad it's not just me then.

I stepped on dog poop while barefoot.

I don't mind making you laugh.

Legend, thanks! :bigsmile:

I definitely relate and feel badly about it, but I feel that good things happen to other people ALL the time and it seems that it's so easy for them. I get jealous of that because it takes me so much effort to do anything and life just seems to offer nothing back. I sounds horrible too. My point is, I understand where you're coming from.

Thank you. Who can blame you when you put it like that. Well I always hope that intention is an important factor, there may be dodgy programs at work in our psychology but we do have a conscience at least.

Honestly, I think most people have probably secretly felt like this at some point in their life. I certainly have. I have felt relieved or happy when certain people I know screw up or have something bad go on. Usually it is people I think are self-centered and treated me like crap, but sometimes its people that are good and have never done anything bad to me. I feel shitty about it afterwards, since I know that's a reflection of my own misery and sense of inadequacy. You keep thinking some people just have it so easy; they have the good looks, natural charm and right opportunities come to them and it makes you secretly pissed, but at the same time you know the kind of persona people put on isn't always the reality, everybody has struggles in life. Anyway yeah, I really get it. I think you're brave for admitting it too.

Thanks and good point! Good to remember that, we are taught to present a certain persona in order to be accepted, so then we only know what's really going on with ourselves, creating an unrealistic and unfair comparison to others.

LOVE LOVE LOVE that the Germans have a word for this! Thanks for sharing! I feel slightly less guiltynow.

I second that, good share, the elevator one made me giggle, I also enjoy seeing people run for the bus unsuccessfully.

 

[jc972]

I've read obituaries with a smile on my face a few times.

One former friend couldn't stop talking about how perfect his girlfriend was. Every chance he got. She stopped being perfect the day he got home from work and she was in their bed with two other guys. And they wasn't sleeping! I laughed until i almost puked. When he told me he threw them all out of his house i asked him why he didn't just wait his turn like he had manners ... we're not friends anymore.

 

[MotherWolff]

This is a confession I am very ashamed of, and wish it wasn't the case believe me, but something inside me takes pleasure hearing about things going badly for people, and I can get a bit depressed/envious when I hear about things going well for people. This relates to friends mostly, or acquaintances, maybe cousins a bit as well.

For example if someone gets the sack, or hates their job, or their relationships, and just generally if someone feels bad about their life in some way I feel better myself than if they had some good news to tell me about.
Another example is when someone falls off the wagon, for instance if they gave up smoking or drinking but has started doing it again, or if they were meditating everyday and doing yoga but hadn't done it for ages.
Or weight gain, that's another bit of news I don't mind hearing about.

On some occasions I do feel genuinely happy to hear the good news, and I much much prefer this! But much of the time my initial feeling is a sunken one.


I know I'm not going to win many friends on here admitting this, but that was unlikely anyway, just had to get it out there to see if anyone can relate at all, or if not, to see if I am actually evil! Or just sad. :question::question:

No, you are not evil. But it is very sinful to be covetous that way. You need to learn to bless people, meaning that you are happy for them when things are going good for them and show sympathy for people when things aren't going for them because we all reap what we sow. You aren't evil, but just jealous. Everyone gets jealous from time to time. But you need to change that before it gets out of hand. :/

 

[shyflower]

I wouldn't say I have ever been happy to hear someones bad news.. but I sure have been treated that way.. In fact, they all must have been so happy to hear all the bad luck I have had over the past few months that they all just deserted me and said the hell with me!

 

[YukoNishi]

Yes, when I only had online friends that spent most of their time lamenting their misfortunes to me.
It's so so sad but I basically felt that my only good quality was being a good, nice human shoulder to cry on...Being all nice and understanding to people being in a bad situation made me feel good about myself, so when they started to actually feel better I started to worry and feel sad that they were just going to forget me. And quite jealous too.
Yes this is so pathetic and not going to win me any friends and yada yada

 

[Stig23]

I can totally relate, just yesterday I heard one of my cousins who is the same age as me (and who I had troubles with as a kid) and in a really good job was given the push. I must admit I got a bit of pleasure in this. I felt instantly ashamed and desgusted with myself.

I think it is a way of making ourselves feel better with our lives. I think 'well, atleast it aint just my life going down the shitter'. How awful is that.

 

[Froggy246]

Yes, when I only had online friends that spent most of their time lamenting their misfortunes to me.
It's so so sad but I basically felt that my only good quality was being a good, nice human shoulder to cry on...Being all nice and understanding to people being in a bad situation made me feel good about myself, so when they started to actually feel better I started to worry and feel sad that they were just going to forget me. And quite jealous too.
Yes this is so pathetic and not going to win me any friends and yada yada

I know what you mean the times when I feel the sunken feeling the most (yes a mixture of sadness, worry, and jealousy) is with people who have needed me quite a bit in the past, I suppose it's fear of losing the energy or sense of value or something.

I can totally relate, just yesterday I heard one of my cousins who is the same age as me (and who I had troubles with as a kid) and in a really good job was given the push. I must admit I got a bit of pleasure in this. I felt instantly ashamed and desgusted with myself.

I think it is a way of making ourselves feel better with our lives. I think 'well, atleast it aint just my life going down the shitter'. How awful is that.

Nicely put.