I don't know why I post this other than the fact that I'm feeling frustrated and lonely. Why is it that I'm so bad with girls? I'm not a wreck to look at, I'm a real nice guy, I only have the best intentions (a lasting relationship) and people tell me that I'm very sweet and charming. And yet, when I meet girls they try to stay away from me as much as possible. They never ever ever start conversations with me and often act very distant when I meet em for the first time. I can't figure it out myself, the only theory I can devise is I haven't put myself in a position to meet women. The only situations where I meet women are at parties, and my voice isn't loud enough (or cocky enough) to have them pay attention. This frustrates me so much because I've had 2 gfs in the past who said I was one of the sweetest guys they've met. Anyway, I guess I was hoping that some girls could give me some advice on how best to talk to yall when Im first meetin ya. I guess this post is written more out of frustration than anything else, but anything you all could give me about what you would want from the first meeting with a guy would be so much appreciated. Thanks guys
girls girls girls
- Thread starter satstrn
- Start date
Ren Koutaisou
Well-known member
I too am in the boat. Sometimes you have to just take your chances, though, and "go" at a girl you like the instant you see her. That may be your only chance.
greenpilgrim
Member
A girl who doesn't appreciate a nice guy isn't a very smart girl. Maybe you should meet them somewhere besides parties. Parties are a bad place to look for lasting relationships. Libraries, grocery stores, restaurants, church, work, message boards, etc. are better places to find more serious girls. My granddaughter works at Starbucks. Co-workers & customers give her their phone numbers all the time while she's at work. Maybe you should get a job at a coffee house.
Flowers-Of-Bloom
Well-known member
A lot of men seem to think they have this problem. Especially on this particular forum; and I'd be lying if I said I didn't roll my eyes every time I came across one.
I could give you some reasons to why girls might be avoiding you.
1) They like you. Girls are naturally shy around men they are attracted to. This is often misinterpreted.
2) Girls - more often than not - can guess very accurately when a guy likes them. If a girl does not have the same feelings for a guy, then she will avoid said guy.
= Girls may avoid guys they like. Girls certainly avoid guys that like them.
3) You're approaching the wrong girls. Do I have to clarify?
I once had a male friend who was very sad and disappointed when he was turned down by a fair number of girls while we were in a gay bar. He was hitting on lesbians. I tried to explain this to him but he still became very depressed.
4) Approaching girls at places like clubs, bars, parties, other, is what you do when you want to get laid. To look for a nice relationship you might try more relaxed environments such as those involving your own personal hobbies (sport, literature, arts). Then you might find a companion who is interested in the same things as you. Always a good place to start and provides for topic of conversation.
I could give you some reasons to why girls might be avoiding you.
1) They like you. Girls are naturally shy around men they are attracted to. This is often misinterpreted.
2) Girls - more often than not - can guess very accurately when a guy likes them. If a girl does not have the same feelings for a guy, then she will avoid said guy.
= Girls may avoid guys they like. Girls certainly avoid guys that like them.
3) You're approaching the wrong girls. Do I have to clarify?
I once had a male friend who was very sad and disappointed when he was turned down by a fair number of girls while we were in a gay bar. He was hitting on lesbians. I tried to explain this to him but he still became very depressed.
4) Approaching girls at places like clubs, bars, parties, other, is what you do when you want to get laid. To look for a nice relationship you might try more relaxed environments such as those involving your own personal hobbies (sport, literature, arts). Then you might find a companion who is interested in the same things as you. Always a good place to start and provides for topic of conversation.
thanks for the advice...i dont think i have this problem, though...i have this problem... but i guess theres nothing i can do but start a conversation...you girls seem to be very on guard and weary of guys in these public places that you mentioned though...girls, what do you think of a random guy that comes up and talks to you in a public place....more than likely a bit creepy, right? 
sorry to be so pessimistic guys im feelin down
sorry to be so pessimistic guys im feelin down
Scrabbl
1
There's a girl I really like.. We've known each other for several months - through our parents. At the beginning, I was so shy I didn't notice anything. But lately I got much better with my SP, and she appears to be really nervous around me (avoids eye contact, tense expression, never says hi first, would rather pretend to read some poster on the wall than talk). Even though I consider myself to have pretty bad SP, I believe I actually have less anxiety around her than she does. So now we mostly talk on msn 'cause we're so awkward face to face.
She never initiate anything with me that might show any interest on her part - and I think she's being very careful about that. There's even one time - it was nearing my birthday, and she said she'll go to the movies with me but then she'd always add the phrase "for your birthday", as if she's just fulfilling some sort of responsibility as a friend. Then when she got to the theatre she was like, should I call your dad to let them know when to pick us up? As if she wanted to get out from there ASAP.
Some days she actually doesn't avoid me. She'd confuse me with all sorts of ambiguous signals.. But all in all some days I think I must look like a gigantic idiot because I'm trying so hard to appear interested in getting to know her and being nice etc but she doesn't seem to be interested at all.
So Flowers (and other girls on SPW) please help me with this. I need to know which one it is? Does she like me but is too shy to do anything? Or does she know that I like her, and is just trying to push me away in the gentlest way possible to make it hurt a little less?
Is there something, like some sort of test, I could do to her to find out?
Skald
Well-known member
I have the same problem, I generally go for body language and other little clues before I try and chat, but yeah it's very very hard for people in our situation. but on the bright side as Flowers of bloom said, alot I MEAN alot of girls are naturally shy and expect the first move to be made by the guy. So work on yourself and push yourself to make that move. If I get round to it I'll tell you how it goes
Flowers-Of-Bloom
Well-known member
thanks for the advice...i dont think i have this problem, though...i have this problem... but i guess theres nothing i can do but start a conversation...you girls seem to be very on guard and weary of guys in these public places that you mentioned though...girls, what do you think of a random guy that comes up and talks to you in a public place....more than likely a bit creepy, right?
The thing that I really don't understand about men is that... How can you just see a girl and suddenly be interested in her? I've never come across a guy I am immediately drawn to, so I can never approach a guy in a public place with certain intentions in mind.
Girls have been told, over and over again by parents, friends, teachers, etc, to be careful around men. And with good reason. Girls usually know why they're being approached by a man (see number 2 in my previous post), unless he is asking for directions which we all know is very unlikely.
But how do they know you're not a rapist, a murderer, a theft? We all must keep these things in mind, at a healthy level.
Girls need to be cautious. If they are not, then they haven't been taught properly or they are terribly naive.
They will only enjoy your company if they feel safe.
That feeling does not apply to someone they just met.
Well, is she like this around other people? Other men? Or is it exclusively for you?
Is it possible that she also suffers from SA or some other mental health issue?
BlackKids
Well-known member
I lost count of how many times girls say I'm the sweetest guy. So you'd think thats a good thing. However the guys who act like pricks, cheat on their girlfriends never seem to have a problem picking up girls.
There's properly no point in trying to figure them out , the're just a complete mystery lol
There's properly no point in trying to figure them out , the're just a complete mystery lol
Most, if not all, are just being nice, without any deeper thought. A girl would only very seldom give overt compliments, were she to feel genuinely attracted to you.
Is that not obvious? If a girl looks good, it is natural to ask yourself what this particular girl might be like on the inside. That's enough for being interested and wanting to talk to her. Only very seldom can there be other situations, where the looks don't play the initiative role. However, they always play the decisive role, and that, too, for a good reason. (While the media may influence people's conceptions of good looks, there is a more subtle reason why some, or many, individuals are subjectively most unattractive.)
I am not ugly, but I am almost prototypically unattractive. The unfortunate part is that both my personality and my life are unattractive, too, and cannot compensate for insufficient looks. It is clear to me why women don't want to be with me, and I don't question it further. They are right, and they should do whatever makes their lives better. If that involves not being in a relationship with me - so be it.
That depends a lot on the person they 'just met'.
Last edited:
CPA23
Well-known member
I very much admire the ladies, but I never know what to say to them. I get so nervous and I wouldn't know the first thing to say to them. I have been told in the past that I must be gay because I don't approach every woman I see. If only they know how extremely nervous and anxious I get just thinking about what to say when I see a girl that I am interested in. I am now 24 and have never had a girlfriend, never been out on a date and, of course, never had sex. I get compliments that I am handsome but that does not seem to help with my confidence. I am worried because people may be suspicious of me being this old and never having a girlfriend!!
Flowers-Of-Bloom
Well-known member
I know the why but not the how.
I can be attracted to someone but to be "interested" is whole other thing in question. Yes, a good-looking man is kind on the eyes. Well, good for him and the on-lookers.
Now, I'm getting off topic here.
I wouldn't say a lot, but it certainly plays a particular role. As the setting does.
I'm just suggesting that a girl is probably not going to feel very comfortable if you approach her and say... after a brief conversation, ask her for her means of contact. Out of a club or bar, that's just ridiculous, isn't it? The guy might only have the sincerest intentions in mind, for he may never see her again without a number to fall back on. But the girl is left to wonder. That system does not work well within any other setting than a club or bar. Girls are very much aware or perhaps even expecting of it in such a place. But any other grounds and you might... 'startle' her.
While out with my friends, on a completely innocent endeavour, a man who I had never met before approached me and tried to 'pick up.' I was so taken-aback and put-off, regardless of how attractive he was. He wasn't coming on to me like a slobbering drunk and he wasn't even pushing it. He was relatively normal. By my rejection of him I might've hurt him, but that was purely out of concern for my own safety. So were a number of my (girl)friends who were also approached. We avoided him and his friends thereafter, because we did not feel safe.
If you know how to talk to people then you know how to girls/women/ladies, whatever have you. Of course... seeing as we are on a SA forum, you might already have difficulty in that general area.
I find a lot of the problems with 'not being able to talk to women' is the thinking that women need to be talked to differently. Sure, avoid certain topics you might discuss with male friends, but in theory your end of the coversation stays very much the same. "Hello" is a nice place to start.
Noca
Banned
its also a crappy Jay-Z song lol
ApRiLGeTsAngry77
Well-known member
I don't know much about girls, but ladies like to be in the company of a man that makes her feel special and treats her respectfully.
JCS008
Well-known member
I mean, let's get real here. Looks do matter, whether men or women want to admit it or not. People say men only care about looks, but I think the same holds for women also. It's the looks that gives someone the opportunity, but the personality that helps them hold on to the chance.
The good looking guy gets more opportunities, but the nice guy has a higher success rate when given the chance. But of course, if the good looking guy has both, well then he's just so damn lucky ain't he?!?!
The good looking guy gets more opportunities, but the nice guy has a higher success rate when given the chance. But of course, if the good looking guy has both, well then he's just so damn lucky ain't he?!?!
Sinar_Matahari
Well-known member
thanks for the advice...i dont think i have this problem, though...i have this problem... but i guess theres nothing i can do but start a conversation...you girls seem to be very on guard and weary of guys in these public places that you mentioned though...girls, what do you think of a random guy that comes up and talks to you in a public place....more than likely a bit creepy, right?
Flowers-of-Bloom made some really good points. You also have to remember that women are taught to not be forward with men lest they come across as "sluts". There have been pleny of times where I have tried making the first move or being more forward with guys whom I liked and I knew liked me back. All that did was scare them off or led them to believe that I was some big whore. Not to mention it will give a girl a bad reputation. I've had to learn that the hard way so I would not be forward with men. I wouldn't be quick to show my interest or that I am pleased that a guy is interested in me.
Regarding the men who approach me at bars and parties (or other public places), everyone assumes that girls one meets at parties, bars and clubs are not serious or are not to be taken serious. Most of the men who do approach me at bars, clubs or parties hold this belief so it's no wonder why they behave like creeps. I know that they think I'm going to be easy or that I'm there looking for penis so I'm going to avoid them when they approach me.
Just last weekend, my friend and I were at a pub catching up on some lost time. Two guys walked up to us and the bolder one asked if they could sit down. The bold one claimed that he just wanted a place to sit since it was crowded. The quiet friend stood by the bar scowling at us. We decided to be polite and let them sit down at our table since we had plenty of room. My friend and I went on talking and then one of the guy starts behaving like a complete douche bag.
He asked us if we were single, to which we replied, "No", and then he went on to say that women who go out to bars are out looking for sex. So he automatically assumed that we're two married women sitting at the bar waiting for dick to come along. Then the talkative guy turns to my friend and says, "My friend here thinks you're a cunt". His pride was hurt because we weren't paying attention to him so he decided to turn the notch up a bit. We weren't about to let him upset us so we laughed it off.
Now, I understand that he may have been upset because we weren't paying attention to him, but how does he expect us to react when he basically starts insinuating that my friend and I are complete whores?
This sort of thing happens quite often so this is why I automatically think that men who approach me are going to be assholes. The bold ones are often times insecure, misogynystic assholes, and I don't know what to make of the shy ones. Forunately, I am married and don't have to worry about dating anyone. If only people would f*** off as soon as they find out that I'm married.
It's the assholes out there that ruin it for all the decent guys out there.
Sinar_Matahari
Well-known member
Guys who approach every woman they see are behaving completely desperate. One might be inclined to believe that they are the ones who are secretly gay and are trying to cover it up by hititng on every woman that walks by.
Take advantage of your looks because they do help. My husband says that you should never introduce yourself to begin with so as to avoid a possible awkward moment after. If you're going to introduce yourself, do it once you and the woman have been chatting for a few minutes. Rushing things won't help.
You might want to practice talking to women who you aren't attracted to. Once you feel comfortable with them, you can progress to the women who you do find attractive. It's not like a man can only strike up a conversation with a woman if he's romantically interested in her.
Maybe you can strike up a friendship with interesting women. Have you ever noticed that men who have female friends tend to understand women more and they eventually tend to get more women? I have two male friends who started off not getting any girls. Being friends with girls gave them a chance to understand women and become comfortable around them. It also helped that all of my female friends were attractive. Our male friends came to learn that women are human beings and nothing to be afraid of (we poo and have to wipe just the same). They are not intimidated by good looking women as many men tend to be. They went from thinking that they'd never get laid to getting laid quite a lot.
DaaaBulls
Well-known member
FlowersofBloom-
To answer your question on why men can see a girl and immediatly be attracted, while woman do not get this immediate attraction is this.
Nature made the male and female sexual organs about the same, except the womans went inside while the males outside. Nature also made the female sex organ special in the sense that she will only derive pleasure from males that they are attracted to as potential mates. Basicly the female will not want to have sex with just any guy she finds attractive, instead only those who she feels will be good mates. Nature did this so woman did not just mate with males with larger sex organs.
Men on the other hand do not have this special effect and thus will look around in a room of 30 people and pick out 8 girls he would have sex with with no hesitation.
I read this some where.
To answer your question on why men can see a girl and immediatly be attracted, while woman do not get this immediate attraction is this.
Nature made the male and female sexual organs about the same, except the womans went inside while the males outside. Nature also made the female sex organ special in the sense that she will only derive pleasure from males that they are attracted to as potential mates. Basicly the female will not want to have sex with just any guy she finds attractive, instead only those who she feels will be good mates. Nature did this so woman did not just mate with males with larger sex organs.
Men on the other hand do not have this special effect and thus will look around in a room of 30 people and pick out 8 girls he would have sex with with no hesitation.
I read this some where.