frustrated, better off dead

I'm so sick of the government telling me that I am capable of working so I can't get food stamps and disability benefits while the rest of the world acts like I don't belong out in public.

After numerous applications and failed interviews (I'm sure you know what I'm talking about) I finally FINALLY got a job. One I hated, at Walmart, but it was a chance to make enough money to get out on my own again. But everyone was always asking me "are you all right?" because my face generally looks sad when it's relaxed (anyone else have this problem?) and two supervisors were constantly on my case to smile and talk more. One asked me a lot of personal questions and then stared at me disbelievingly when I answered. Fine, I get it. It's part of the job. I did my best. But the other day a manager took me to the backroom to admonish me for working too slowly. I try not to get into confrontations because I cry easily, and this was no exception. One of the above mentioned supervisors was on hand to witness the scene and she told me I must have something bad wrong with me to cry over that and that I was grown and must have severe problems. I walked out. I didn't see any other alternative because I couldn't have stood to work with her again even if I had had the guts to sit there and be talked to like that.

I got a letter from food stamps the next day saying that because I had no dependent children (another side effect of social phobia) and was "capable of working" I was not eligible. What the hell am I supposed to do!!? I can't get a behind-the-scenes desk job because those kinds of employers are looking to just hire one or two people and they are NOT going to choose me. They would rather hire someone friendly and personable, someone they could like. I've tried everything! I even went to court with a lawyer and the judge said I wasn't disabled. I will never be independent. I'm better off dead. And please don't reply if you're going to judge me for crying, being depressed, giving up on making my own money or anything else. I can't take that right now.
 
I can understand your frustrations. most people don't know what sa is and lack general courtesy and sensitivity. do you have a diagnosis from an md? I know it's a hard fight to try to get disability for mental illness but I know of someone young and otherwise physically healthy that got disability for anxiety. but it did take a long time. My face looks angry when I'm relaxed and I have people comment on it too. I hate being told to smile from strangers!!!
 

PugofCrydee

You want to know how I got these scars?
I guess at the end of the day when you're at your wits end you have to ask yourself some questions.
Am I happy this way? - no.
Can I continue this way? - no.
Do I want to make my life better (for my own satisfaction)? -.......
What real options do I have for self help/improvement? - .......

I know its tough. I'm more alone than ever.
My AvPD is like a frikken demon on my back with it's claws digging in further everyday.
But I refuse to give up. You shouldn't give up either.
 
Hell crap! I have exactly the same problem. I feel literally guilty applying for work, even though I think I have good working morals. I know everyone wants someone bubbly and I feel guilty for impossimg MYSELF on them. But I don t quality for proper benefits either.
 

Metal_isthe_Answer

Well-known member
everyone was always asking me "are you all right?" because my face generally looks sad when it's relaxed (anyone else have this problem?)

Yes, I call it the "Ice Cube Effect"
http://www.bet.com/content/betcom/t...200x675x20.dimg/2011-topic-music-ice-cube.jpg

I get a lot of what you're saying, I've been unemployed for just over a year and just using student loans, it wouldnt be so bad if I didnt have to make car payments. When I did have a job I tired to take myself out of my body and replace it with an imaginary version of myself, like an actor, that was the only way I could do it.
 

Sacrament

Well-known member
Fake it 'til you make it. Be what your potential employer wants you to be, and use that mask to get by. Eventually, with some luck and persistence, that mask will help you become a better person.
 

Whoopdeedoo

Well-known member
Im so sorry & I identify
I used to work overnights @ an anwering service
On weekends to work alone
30 hours in three days and it helped me stop drinking
So much
Maybe overnight stock @ a market may workfor you
If you feel suicidal go to the ER
Please dont hurt yourself
Maybe they can help you with insurance , medication
And outpatient care
And if you still cant cope stick with the outpatient drs than get a lawyer
And file for social security
These lawyers. take a percentage of SS award when granted
 
Hello all, thanks for replying. I do have a diagnosis of social phobia but it wasn't good enough for the judge. I would really rather work, but I also don't wish to be shamed for my disability.

About the facial thing. My job counselor says it has to do with connections in the brain not fully functioning and it ties in with our social problems. So it's really unfair to have people on our case all the time to smile when for some people it really cannot be easily helped.

Don't worry...I'm too chicken to suicide. I'm too scared to live and too scared to die.
 
Top