Following the crowd

slimjim119

Well-known member
I wish I could be more assertive in life. I'm always giving in and afraid of offending or hurting someone's feelings. After a while you feel like a doormat that gets stepped on constantly. I have to remember "you can please some of the people some of the time,But you can't please all of the people all of the time."

My insecurities make me feel like I have to impress or please people. I have to be myself and work on changing these negative thoughts. I want to be more of a leader, not a follower.
 

Tab

Well-known member
I feel exactly the same way. I'm always trying to accommodate the needs of others over my own and it adds more anxiety and stress to my life. When I do do what others want, I think they might return the favour, but rarely do and it really pisses me off :evil:
 

slicenrice

Well-known member
I like to be nice to others because I want to be someone that brings them pleasure in life (at least a little). I feel like being selfless makes me feel better about everything, and it helps me feel less depressed. However, most people are selfish and will take what you have to give and then never return the favor. For example, I was really nice to one of my friends and offered to let him stay at my house for the weekend. He never really thanked me for it, which I thought nothing of. But then when I asked him for a small favor, he started arguing with me, and I revoked the invitation.

What I try to do is give good people good things, and not give bad people anything, because they do not deserve it.
 

alex29

Well-known member
im the same way. i am so insecure that i feel i have to do everything for everyone and that just hurts me more because then i have to live up to expectations that i set for myself that i know i cant meet sometimes.

i worry nonstop about how this person thinks of me and whether im doing/saying the "right thing"

i just have such a hard time finding people im comfortable with that when i do i cling on and try so hard to make them keep liking me instead of letting go and hoping they care enough to keep up with me
 
I can relate to everything you're saying. I am often too nice to people, and if I am not I feel like I am being way too selfish. It's never just right, it's always way far on one side of the scale.
 

Zarrix

Well-known member
Psychedelicious said:
I can relate to everything you're saying. I am often too nice to people, and if I am not I feel like I am being way too selfish. It's never just right, it's always way far on one side of the scale.

Exactly. Saying no feels like you are slapping them on the face sometimes. You tend to worry that if you don't follow their ideals or commands, they will think of you negatively, which is a bit exaggerated, most people (not all, just most) would probably give you the benefit of the doubt provided there is a sufficient reason for it.

Example, If I get called into work, but am too busy, it takes a bit to actually say no, but I have had to a few times recently and it doesn't feel as bad anymore. If someone wants to swap a shift with you that you don't want, saying no will feel like you are being selfish and not considerate, despite your situation.
 

Broken_Memory

Well-known member
When I'm down about social phobia, I think "ugh, I hate being such a wimp at standing up for myself". Other times, like today, I think "I'm learning to stand up for myself, and as a bonus I have more tact than others might". In general though, especially with new people... yeah.. I definitely have trouble giving my true opinions. Like somebody already typed, I'd feel bad about hurting their feelings or perhaps starting off a potential relationship on the wrong foot.

Over the summer (something I think about whenever I think of an example of when I expressed my own opinion) when the latest and last harry potter book came out, a Vet at the Veterinary Clinic I help out at and I were talking about the book briefly. (All my conversations with "new" people are brief lol). I said "I'm loving it so far. I just find that its weird, how certain people read it so fast. A friend of mine is almost finished. I just don't see the point of waiting for a book to come out for 2 years and then reading it all in a day or two!". Right after I said this, she said "I finished it last night" (which was the day it came out). She had been heading towards another room which made things easier for the conversation to end, and I said "you're crazy!" in a friendly way. I then thought "oh my gosh, I hope she doesn't think I'm being critical towards her". I realize that she probably doesn't remember this, but even so. I guess all in all I have to like that having social phobia has made me more sensitive to others' feelings.
 

CPA23

Well-known member
Psychedelicious said:
I can relate to everything you're saying. I am often too nice to people, and if I am not I feel like I am being way too selfish. It's never just right, it's always way far on one side of the scale.

I can totally relate!! For example, a person could do something for me and I just always feel like I owe that person even though I have done many things for this person before.

I completely go out of my way to do things for people, even though I know if the tables were turned, then more than likely, the same would not have been done for me.

I truly believe that kindness and generosity does not go unnoticed and one will receive their blessings for doing good acts. But there is a fine line between being nice and being a total pushover. Sometimes I do feel like a pushover. People will take advantage of you if they see you are vulnerable.
 
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