206Raider
Well-known member
One of those days, but I was having nightmares all night so I wake up like anxious as hell. My car won't start becuase it's freezing but it doesn't matter I was supposed to go follow-up on a job that I probably wasn't going to get I just get tired of everyone saying I need a job, for myself or for presents on christmas atleast and I would probably strand up myself somewhere by running out of gas anyway but I hate being isolated. I'm going to feel like a bum if I can't get any of my nieces and nephews and little brother presents becuase they all try to act like me which bothers me in itself because I don't want them too, they think I'm cool shit but I'm not. I don't want them to be like me! I don't see myself as a role model, I smoke weed sometimes, I don't have a job, I'm depressed a lot.
I do help though, when my sister was fighting with her boyfriend, I took my niece out of there and told them to do whatever they want but she don't need to see this, and she was crying so much (The only time I stand up to someone seems to be for somebody else). The next time I saw her, I was depressed at a house party and you know how kids are they always want to mess with you and get you to play, especially my niece she is 8 but she is almost always obnoxious and never loving but then again so am I (me and my siblings or parents never say we love eachother) but she sat down next time me and hugged me, I laughed but then I went outside and started crying becuase I hate the fact that I'm almost all they got, especially my niece becuase she has no dad. My nephew and little brother are the same, they always want me to play football with them or video games or something becuase nobody else will but they won't ever leave me alone becuase nobody else seems to pay attention and I feel bad for them. Now you know why getting them something for x-mas is important.
Then, I just feel like I got a ton of stress sitting on my shoulders, when I try to go out and do something right it backfires and it feels like I can't win at life. I know you need to fail to succeed but come on.....My life seems like: fail, fail, fail, fail, fail, small success, huge fail. I already feel down in the dumps and you think the only place to go is up but then I sink deeper. I feel like such a failure.
I do help though, when my sister was fighting with her boyfriend, I took my niece out of there and told them to do whatever they want but she don't need to see this, and she was crying so much (The only time I stand up to someone seems to be for somebody else). The next time I saw her, I was depressed at a house party and you know how kids are they always want to mess with you and get you to play, especially my niece she is 8 but she is almost always obnoxious and never loving but then again so am I (me and my siblings or parents never say we love eachother) but she sat down next time me and hugged me, I laughed but then I went outside and started crying becuase I hate the fact that I'm almost all they got, especially my niece becuase she has no dad. My nephew and little brother are the same, they always want me to play football with them or video games or something becuase nobody else will but they won't ever leave me alone becuase nobody else seems to pay attention and I feel bad for them. Now you know why getting them something for x-mas is important.
Then, I just feel like I got a ton of stress sitting on my shoulders, when I try to go out and do something right it backfires and it feels like I can't win at life. I know you need to fail to succeed but come on.....My life seems like: fail, fail, fail, fail, fail, small success, huge fail. I already feel down in the dumps and you think the only place to go is up but then I sink deeper. I feel like such a failure.
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