Feeling angry about OCD...can anyone relate?

yesman

Well-known member
From around November to early December last year, I've been under this crazy delusion that I was a pedophile, and that I molested several kids in the past. I'm all over it now, but still...it wasn't fun. I was feeling suicidal, I felt terrible about myself, I got banned from my old school and got involved with the police, and worst of all, nobody could understand, because they all thought it was funny or something. Only my parents really cared.

And now I'm wondering: who will pay for this? I want someone else to pay for this. I don't care who it is, but I want them to suffer the same way I did. And I'll laugh about it.

But I know this is just wrong! Cancer patients don't have anyone to suffer for them. No, they have to bear the pain themselves. Likewise, I keep telling myself that I'm just a selfish *******, and that I should just accept that there's no one to suffer for me.

Does anyone else go through stuff like this? I sometimes get fantasies about raging at people, and enjoying it...telling my close ones to just get lost, because they probably won't understand the pain that OCD causes...
 

nicole1

Well-known member
I'm not sure what this have to do with OCD but rather unwanted intrusive thoughts. You can't control how people react... You can't be mad at them. You should have seen doctors before you consulted police. Especially if this wasn't real... It sounds like you weren't a pedophile and you didn't do any of those things...

I get mad at people but I don't want them to feel my pain because it feels unique to me and the way I have to deal with it. I just wish they'd leave me alone and quit treating me weird, is all.

Are you sure people laughed at you? Maybe you need to process the why of that and whether or not it actually happened.
 

laure15

Well-known member
I find mindfulness practices to be helpful. Being aware of your thoughts and realizing that you're not your thoughts. The mind and consciousness/being are separate entities. The mind is just a tool for the consciousness to use but sometimes it can backfire and control the consciousness. I recommend reading the Power of Now in your spare time. You don't necessarily have to agree with everything Mr. Tolle says but perhaps you might find some insights in his book.
 

giveitachance

New member
Hello,

Please try looking at it a different way. I understand your feelings because I often found myself yelling at my windshield in my car, or screaming out my window in frustration and anger because of my OCD/intrusive thoughts. I read back in 2007 that having this problem is result of a disconnect with God. Let me tell you, when I read that, I decided that then and there I would offer my problems that I could not control to God. It worked. From that moment, I felt such a sense of relief like a giant stone was lifted off my chest. I say this not as an evangelist, but as a normal guy who was desperate. Since that day, I have had very few relapses, and each time I did have new intrusive thoughts, or old ones that were re-hashed, I felt so much power to say, God, here we go again...please help me, and he did. I laughed a little at how silly my thoughts were and how much out of reality they were because they could no longer control my life as long as I know that the lord will "handle" those horrible thoughts for me. If you count on the lord for any problem you can't control, he will pull you through it. Please, even if you are not religious, give it a try. He has the power to give you an immediate calmness, and then the power to deal with it. Remember, by you simply posting your problem, you are conscious that the problem is the intrusive thoughts, and not that you are truly what your thoughts are telling you. Otherwise, you would not be writing. God Bless you and give you strength!
 
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