feel so low

[JosephG]

why can't I get close to people? I find it so hard. I can't build loving and caring relationships with people. All I want is someone to care about and who actually cares about me. If I'm upset they will be my counsel and if I'm happy they will share it with me.
It seem the friends I do have are artificial or at least aren't really my friends. And it seems when I'm happy they become jealous and when I'm sad they are happy for it.
Life can be so **** sometimes.
I think I need to make some new friends. But I don't think I have the skills. Sigh.

 

[Phoenixx]

Lately I've been in sorta the same position as you. I don't have as many friends as I used to have, and it seems like some of the ones I do have left are quite artificial. Like, they don't even act like my friends anymore. And getting close to people has always been a huge challenge for me. Only a few that I could really count as friends only know about half of who I really am. I feel like I have to hide certain things about me, or else they'll probably reject me in some way or another.

 

[JosephG]

Lately I've been in sorta the same position as you. I don't have as many friends as I used to have, and it seems like some of the ones I do have left are quite artificial. Like, they don't even act like my friends anymore. And getting close to people has always been a huge challenge for me. Only a few that I could really count as friends only know about half of who I really am. I feel like I have to hide certain things about me, or else they'll probably reject me in some way or another.

Yeah I feel this. I've pushed my friends away over time due to my moods. And now its not so easy to build those relationships again. Especially as some days I am so self-conscious I can barely rouse a proper conversation.
Yeah its a big challenge for me too as I said. I find that other people have this thing where they "click". I think it's called rapport. They can joke so easily and have a lot of fun together. I just don't seem to be able to do that.

And I've told a few of my friends about my problems - I think they think I am a weirdo

I just want someone to hug me and tell me everything is going to be okay... And I think my family would do that - But I can't bare to go downstairs and tell them the sadness I feel right now.

 

[Phoenixx]

And I've told a few of my friends about my problems - I think they think I am a weirdo

^ I've only told one friend about my problem, and, thankfully, doesn't treat me any different. But I still can't bring myself to tell anyone else. I guess I figure, I just got lucky with this friend. No one else will probably understand and will think I'm just a "weirdo".

I just want someone to hug me and tell me everything is going to be okay... And I think my family would do that - But I can't bare to go downstairs and tell them the sadness I feel right now.

^ I long for that feeling, as depressing as that sounds. I'm even too afraid to tell my family about my problems. I just feel like they'll either a) not believe me and think I'm just being overdramatic or b) tease me for it.

 

[JosephG]

I imagine they'd be very supportive, maybe you should try it? Mind you that's hypocritical me saying that...

I told my parents a little bit about my social problems but not about how I get depressed and anxious. When I told them about my social problems they kinda just shrugged it off. Like "You'll get past it", "It's just your age". And my mum discouraged me from counselling.

That hurt so much. It was like they didn't believe me

Sorry for the sob story..

 

[Phoenixx]

^ Aw, that's sad to hear. Yeah I'm not sure if my mom would care or not. I always have mixed feelings about her. I remember a few years back (I was about 13), when I was first starting with SA and depression, kids were constantly teasing me and just basically making me feel worse. I told my mom about the teasing and how bad I felt and she basically told me "Just get over it." I hardly got any sympathy whatsoever. So, that's basically what's stopping me from telling her everything in the first place. I'm afraid she's just going to reply with the same thing, not care at all and think I'm just being overdramatic or something...

 

[JosephG]

Aw I can relate to being teased/bullied also very greatly. I feel it is a big part of what has made me this way. I spent a lot of time isolated during my early teenage years. Definitely not a good thing when you're at the peak of social development :/
I think if you told your mum how you really feel - if you showed her yourself at your worst. She would definitely not shrug it off. I know my parents wouldn't.
But I don't think I could actually do that. I feel kind of embarrassed by the way I feel. And I know it's not right that I should feel that way. I support mental health campaigns that say that you shouldn't feel that way but I still do. :/
I have recently sorted out my counselling - so I hope maybe they can help me sort this stuff out...

 

[lunarla]

Reading the title of this thread, immediately started playing this song in my head:

YouTube - porcupine tree- feel so low

I've felt that way a lot though. Most of the friendships I make are very light and kept at a distance. I don't know how to do otherwise.

 

[Phoenixx]

Aw I can relate to being teased/bullied also very greatly. I feel it is a big part of what has made me this way. I spent a lot of time isolated during my early teenage years. Definitely not a good thing when you're at the peak of social development :/
I think if you told your mum how you really feel - if you showed her yourself at your worst. She would definitely not shrug it off. I know my parents wouldn't.
But I don't think I could actually do that. I feel kind of embarrassed by the way I feel. And I know it's not right that I should feel that way. I support mental health campaigns that say that you shouldn't feel that way but I still do. :/
I have recently sorted out my counselling - so I hope maybe they can help me sort this stuff out...

^ Yeah I'm a bit embarrassed about it too. And that's probably another reason why I don't say anything about it. Showing myself at my worst, I think that would probably work... Just the thought of telling her scares me though. :X I think I might just go ahead and give it a shot. Good luck with the counseling.