nonentity
Member
I am in an interesting quandary. You see, I've been suicidal for many a year, and have attempted it on three separate occasions. If I'd had access to a gun I would be dead. I'm actually trying to urge my mom to buy a gun for "home protection" when really it's so I'd have an easy, painless out. I know everyone will say, think how that would make her feel. I would probably wait until she dies. In any case I'm a burden on her and she'd be better off without me! BELIEVE me, it's true! Anyway I have a point here. You see I'm an atheist. In a way I envy people who have religious/spiritual beliefs that include the conviction of an afterlife. That would be SO comforting. I myself am convinced there is no afterlife, that there's a total ceasing of all consciousness. That's very hard to wrap my head around. I suppose if that's the case then there's nothing to worry about. All pain will end. But so will all pleasure. Granted, in my life pleasure is relative. I'm agoraphobic, bipolar, with a whopping case of OCD that causes me endless torment. I have no friends. Just my mom and my cat. No anti-depressant has yet managed to alleviate my depression to a degree that gives me any sort of quality of life. Granted, it's not as bad as it once was. Anyway, I'm rambling. Just felt like reaching out, thanks for listening.
