"Eye candy"

Moonie

Well-known member
I have been with my BF for 9 months. We met online and talked 3 months before actually meeting last summer. I was a bit tipsy and had invited him out to a club. We had fun, I was drunk, and we didn't really hang out again because I was too shy. A month later, we met again at a bar, and THEN finally went on some sober dates. He's quite the opposite of me- outgoing, confident, sociable, quick-witted. Online, we talked for hours and it was great. I mean, I am beocming comfortable with him, but not completely my true self. I just feel as though that he would find me perfect if I were more like my online-self/ more sociable/ more spotaneous. He says to me that I am "eye candy" rather jokingly, but still it feels that it might just be the case at times... Can a relationship like this work? I don't just want to be eye candy..
 

Bexi

Well-known member
ooooo ok! so u dont want to b with a fella who just thinks ur hot? well, i doubt a guy would b with u for 9 MONTHS if it was just ur looks?? If he just liked ur looks, im sure it'd be just a sexual thing, and last a few weeks at most, is this ur worry? Sorry if i got it wrong x
 

Kalima

Well-known member
Moonie said:
I have been with my BF for 9 months. We met online and talked 3 months before actually meeting last summer. I was a bit tipsy and had invited him out to a club. We had fun, I was drunk, and we didn't really hang out again because I was too shy. A month later, we met again at a bar, and THEN finally went on some sober dates. He's quite the opposite of me- outgoing, confident, sociable, quick-witted. Online, we talked for hours and it was great. I mean, I am beocming comfortable with him, but not completely my true self. I just feel as though that he would find me perfect if I were more like my online-self/ more sociable/ more spotaneous. He says to me that I am "eye candy" rather jokingly, but still it feels that it might just be the case at times... Can a relationship like this work? I don't just want to be eye candy..

Think about it. What guy would really stick around for nine months without forcing himself on you, making sexual advances. That's assuming that he hasn't already done so. I think he must be kind of quality, you know. Just try to take things slow, tell him that it'll take you a little while to open up completely and maybe see what's he says. Besides, where did you meet him online?

Good luck with everything :D
 

Moonie

Well-known member
reply

I didn't really think of that point- of him being around for 9 months. I read that being with someone just for looks usually doesn't last long- probably 3 mo. at most. I met him on one of those online dating sites. I found his profile and IMed him. I didn't ever think that I would actually meet someone online in real life.. It just happened! Though, I do think it helped a lot that we talked for 3 months online before even meeting. It gave us a bit of a history/ things to discuss.
 

Bexi

Well-known member
awwwwwwwww :lol: does he make u laugh? and smile and content? does he help with ur SP/SA?
 

nerdgirl178

Well-known member
Does he know you have SP?? I am never my "true-self" when I am around guys!!! And guess? It never works out. But then again I never had a guy stick around with me for nine 9 months, so you are lucky. I think if you got this far it may be a good relationship :)
 

MadCat

Well-known member
Sorry for short reply I'm not feeling well physically.

I just want to say it amazes me how all you people with social phobia are all different. There's like tons of different variations and some it seems to make it hard for me to figure out.

A club is perhaps one o fthe most social events a person can goto. It's designed to be social, even if there is no talking. It's a social gathering.

I never understand that. I think more research needs to be done into SP because it seems to be choosey on what is social and what is not. Once again this just goes to prove that it's all in the mind.

If a person's mind beliefs XX is social then social phobia kicks in.
IF a person;s mind doesn't think XX is social then it won't. I know it's a very primative way to look at it but I guess I may have answered my own question. Now I understand why social phobia has the highest cure rate through changing a persons thinking and thoughts.

Anyway on a personal note I'd never go to club and drink alcohol. Clubs = Social

Alcohol = Social (people who drink alcohol alone are mostly alcoholics and that's a fact).

So there's my thoughts on the matter. Sorry it wasn't actually helping anything.
 

Carina33

Well-known member
I wouldn't worry about being called "eye candy" if it has lasted that long. It is probably only a bit of joking. One time I warned a guy that I would probably be very quiet and it would look like I was just following him around if we went to this party. He told me that it was alright and that I had to go, and he told me that I could just be his "arm candy"... and that's what even gave me the courage to go in the end.
 

Angie_05

Well-known member
I used to date a guy who I felt was treating me like plain ol' eye candy. Whenever we hung out, he would have all these plans for us to go out and see all of his friends, like at their jobs, school, homes, wherever. At first I thought he was just really proud of me, but then I realized we didn't communicate well and we had little in common. he seemed to be stuck on himself and I got more annoyed with him. It was after several months I realized our relationship wasn't true.

You can usually tell if a guy really cares about you if he seems to genuinely enjoy being with you either alone or in public and if the two of you communicate well.

My current boyfriend and I met online. It worked out great. I think people open up more on the internet than in real life.
 

believesomething

Active member
MadCat said:
I disagree. 9 months is nothing.

Respectfully, I disagree with your disagreement. 9 months is something. 1 month is something. 1 minute is something, if there's a second minute, etc etc.

That said, I'm not suggesting time is a reliable determinant of the strength of a relationship. I know of people who've been together for years, and broken up only when they've decided to get engaged, I know of people who've met for a few days and said they knew they'd be together forever.

Moonie said:
I just feel as though that he would find me perfect if I were more like my online-self/ more sociable/ more spotaneous. He says to me that I am "eye candy" rather jokingly, but still it feels that it might just be the case at times... Can a relationship like this work? I don't just want to be eye candy..

All sorts of relationships can work, all sorts can fail. My only advice, and as hard as it can be, is to talk to him about your fears, and what you want from the relationship too. I think the reason most relationships fail is that people don't really communicate, and often by the time they do, it's all too late.

Oh - and don't worry about him finding you imperfect, in the nicest possible way, no-one's perfect. Absolutely no-one.

Believe.
 

Jack7

Well-known member
He's probably trying to compliment you by saying you're eye candy, that you'll make him look good by being there! :D It's cool that someone would think that of you.
 

Fredscars

Well-known member
i'd take it as a compliment, because hes calling you hot..like others say..he wouldnt be there after 9 months if he didnt like you in other ways.

9 months is a long time, becuase it takes effort. It doesnt mean its going to last, but it takes alot of effort, time and thought to make it to 9 months. So well odne for getting that far. I hope you can have more fun in the future.
 

Moonie

Well-known member
I love going to clubs and drinking...lol it's the only time I really feel comfortable with myself-- and am fun and get attention -- unfortunately. And yeah, I drink alone, too, but I all ready knew that was wrong.
 
Top