External locus of identity?

Mehh

Active member
Recently, a friend told me about what's called an external locus of identity. Having an external locus of identity means that one values oneself only as much as he/she is valued by others around them. This manifests itself in constantly seeking the approval of others.

I've been thinking about it and I've realized that this really defines my life and the way that I see myself. Feeling criticized/disliked/unwanted tends to lower my self-worth, making me ashamed of my personality and hate the way that I am. When I feel accepted and liked -- even loved-- by others, however, I see myself in a more positive light, enjoying and being proud of my unique, albeit awkward, personality. This notion often causes me to lose sight of myself- I can feel confident about who I am one day, and then disgusted with myself the next. Clearly, my sense of self-worth should be based on my pride in personality/strength of character, and not by what others around me think. I know that this is unhealthy, but I also know that I can't be the only person who feels this way. What do you guys think about this? Does this apply to anyone else?
 

EscapeArtist

Well-known member
Interesting, yes. Do you find that the times when you have more passions or hobbies you have more of an internal locus of identity? Do you find that when you are alone, you know who you are, whereas when in a group you do not?
 

Moa

Well-known member
I suffer from this to some extent too. I worry soooo much about what others think of me, even though I know I shouldn't. I'm still working on overcoming it.
 
I definitely suffer from this. I feel like I've never figured out who I really am- when I was younger I think I just defined myself by my family- the girl with 6 younger siblings. Now that I'm an adult and don't live too near any of my family, I just feel like a meaningless blob. I know I need to find myself and not define myself in terms of other people, but I think I don't do this because I don't like myself (the little I have been able to figure out), and I'm afraid no one else will like me either.
 

vse2008

Member
I was searching for answers to why I need to feel important and came across this thread. Do you suppose the need to feel important and approval-seeking are about the same thing? I find myself doing things and saying things so that I sound important in the hopes that others will acknowledge that I am important.
 
Top