Everyone's...having babies

[ScaredToBreathe]

Weird subject but this has been bugging me. Nearly everyone I know who is still a teenager or young adult has a kid or many kids. I understand it's their life and their choice, but I find it annoying that people who are nearly still kids themselves are having babies thoughtlessly and throwing away their chances of a good ongoing education, a professional career, a high income, etc.. Instead they start families at a very young age where they are still immature and financially insecure. Many people I know rely on welfare, baby bonus, or their significant other's income to support themselves. And out of every single young person I know with a kid, none of them have a decent job if any job, and no education-- they stop once high school is over or dropped out of high school. They still get drunk, party, go out with friends, and act immature. My image of a "normal" family would be settling down, cutting back on bad habits (drinking/smoking/swearing/gossip) when around your child, and instead of continuing your social life, put more time into just being with your immediate family, with occasional mature friends over for coffee or play-dates if they have a kid too.

This has bothered me more now that my ex-best friend of over a decade got knocked up by some guy and now has a baby. At first I tried to be supportive, I was there for her when she need someone to talk to, and threw her baby shower. But after she gave birth I just feel really weird around her now and it doesn't feel right because we are at different parts in our lives. This is the girl I grew up with, shared and kept secrets with, the only person I could talk to about anything. We stuck through hard times together, did everything together, called each other sister, even made the friendship work when she moved an hour drive away.
I don't feel she's the same person I grew up with anymore. And it affects my depersonalization experiences (when I get weird feelings and thoughts that reality just feels dream-like and unreal). It's like I never thought this would happen to her like so many others her age, because I'm still imagining her personality as when she was a kid, more innocent, better future plans, not so obsessed with having relationships and friendships like she was as a teen.

Just had to get that out...I always end up writing so much more than I intend aha once I start I could go on forever (wish my verbal skills were like that!)Any thoughts? Advice? Experiences?

 

[WeirdyMcGee]

I think that... people just settle and work with what they're given.

You get pregnant or knock someone up and you don't really have much choice but to become a parent-- I find that many people I knew in highschool take having a baby as a merit badge that automatically made them more mature than me.

I don't (and never have) drink or party - don't have a boyfriend, don't have any children... and because of that, I've felt like a complete outcast since just a few years ago.
People I went to college with are now marrying, buying houses, making babies and I'm left behind once again.
Worse, though-- I know that I'm judged for not being 'normal' like everyone else and doing such things at 26 years old.

But really... it's just different lifestyles.
I'm working with what *I* have; which is severe anxiety and the inability to trust anyone. haha
It would be irresponsible of me to go out and get knocked up just for the sake of being able to call myself an 'adult'.


Honestly-- I think lots of people feel/felt the same as you after highschool.
There is always the majority group of people who hang around their hometown, make babies and work minimum wage jobs and I'm sure some of them are quite happy doing such. If they are unhappy with it, then that's just too bad-- they've got to work with what they have.

... am I even making any sense today?

 

[Hellhound]

Babies after highschool? Eugh...

 

[MikeyC]

I understand it's their life and their choice, but I find it annoying that people who are nearly still kids themselves are having babies thoughtlessly and throwing away their chances of a good ongoing education, a professional career, a high income, etc.. Instead they start families at a very young age where they are still immature and financially insecure.

It's hard to speak for everyone, but my neighbour had her first child at 19 and she's a great parent. She's young herself (22 or so now), but she and her husband are making it work.

Of course, a lot of teenage pregnancies are unplanned and shocking, so it's probably not the pregnancies that are the problem, rather no education about unprotected sex.

This is a tough situation for women. The maternal instincts come in, but there's also the need to do well professionally. But then again, pregnant women become scorned and are deemed unreliable (at least in Australian workplaces). So what do you do? Men have it easy in this regard. They can have a child and still go back to work like nothing happened, but for women, there's more involvement. Eventually, if a woman wants a baby, and it feels right, then it happens.

I hope I'm not rambling, haha.

put more time into just being with your immediate family, with occasional mature friends over for coffee or play-dates if they have a kid too.

That doesn't work for everyone, but I see what you're saying.

I think that once people get to a certain age, procreation becomes more of a priority, but I think it's a higher problem for women than it is for men. The ability to juggle kids and job is tougher, and that time to do it differs from person to person.

 

[AGR]

Yeah,right now I just turned 27 and people keep asking me why I am not married and have a kid,I dont even know if I want to have a kid,its not just because so and so are my age and already have kids that I need to aswell,anyway if it were to compare me with everyone else,specially people at my work I think I am much better off,basically everyone is a cheater there,if they are so much better than me why arent they happy with their partners and their kids?

 

[Section_31]

im about to turn 31 in a month, im about to get divorced in a month, and im still living at home.

Do I have a good career?. Well...yes and no. Good in that it makes me a decent amount sure. But because of choices I made, I have so much debt to pay off that I cant afford to live on my own now. And because im in my 30s and living at home, im judged for not being in the norm.

In regards to people having babies, that kind of thing has been happening since cells learned how to propagate. You can educate people until the cows come home. And some will resist the mindless urge for sex. But at the same note its hard to ignore nature. Im not at all saying its good or bad or right or wrong, while maybe not necessarily the smartest thing to do, but nature wants us to breed. Artificial, societal rules, while making sense and being practical, tell us otherwise. You should wait for x reason. But before all that, when we were living in caves, it was pretty normal for us to be having babies around this age because the lifespan was a lot shorter....so looking at it from that perspective, I cant say this is anything new, or anything that will go away in the foreseeable future.

Unless your single like me >.< lol

 

[TreeBones]

I know exactly what you mean!!!
I personally know three people under 17 to have babies.
Children aren't children to them, they're accessories.. My old best friend (whom I also grew up with) has a daughter now and can't even take care of herself much less that child. She treats her daughter like a pet hamster and only cares about shopping for new clothes and tiny shoes, I know for a fact she only got pregnant to keep her loser boyfriend. She smokes weed and parties all the time (even when she was pregnant) and complains when she can't have free time because of her daughter. I also felt weird when I saw how pregnant she was getting and that she's really going to have a baby... really.. it took a while to sink it for me.
I wish I had advice to give but I avoid my old best friend.. I still love her but, I avoid her.
My sister was watching Dr. Phil the other day and he said something like "Parents write on the slate of who their children will be", I really believe that. My point is, I don't think teen parents know how much their every action and every word leaves such a huge impression on their child and I'm just wondering if they're mature enough to make good choices and be good examples. I hope so.

 

[ScaredToBreathe]

Thanks for all your replies!!
TreeBones, I feel the same way. I've been avoiding my best friend too, she still wants to hang out with me but when I do it just doesn't feel right, I don't hate her and don't wish her wrong, but I've been drifting away from her more and more and keep contact to a minimum.

Also, everyone, I know it's normal for people to reproduce, even at a young age. But this society works a little different. Where I live there are very few jobs and unemployment rates are high. When all those kids grow up, very few will likely be able to find a job and unemployment rates will rise with population increase.
It has been proven that educated people have less children, and have them later in life, than uneducated people. It's also proven that educated people have higher functioning brains and are smarter than uneducated people and hs dropouts, even when they started out with the same IQ. Educated people may also have an advantage of reasoning better, having good common sense and great logic, raising and teaching their kids with appropriate morals and values, and providing an overall better life for themselves and their kids.
Most uneducated people I know (many with kids) like to start drama or arguments all the time and can not see past their point of view. They are extremely ignorant, irrational, and unreasonable. The educated people I know (with kids) are older, calmer, more pragmatic, and more successful in life.
It's hard to find new friends now that everyone I knew around my age has kids and no postsecondary education, while im just kinda sitting here reading books and going to school and learning (which I love). I don't think I'm better than them if that's what it sounds like, I just think I'm making a better life decision and find it hard to relate to others who aren't at that level. I make my own living, support myself working two jobs, go to university full time, and have my own place. While others sit at home all day having babies (with multiple guys/girls) and partying and living off of welfare. yea.. I LOVE children but want to have them when I'm ready...in like a decade if I have a good job and house. I've had sex 100s of times (same guy) but practice it safely and have never gotten pregnant. It seems others don't mind getting prego. Oh yea and most people I know who have kids have miserable or unstable relationships and don't stay with the first person they had babies with...hmm yea that's probably going to psychologically mess with their kids when they find out their mom slept with a bunch of guys and they'll never know who their real father is (or have 2 or 3 different dads in their life).

 

[AriAbs]

I know what you mean. It's kind of the same for my high school class, even college. I'm not a baby-basher, but I don't want to have them. People like my grandmother say that'll change my mind. I'm in my early twenties, and my answer is still no. I think that I'd like to get marry, but never kids under any circumstance. I don't have the patience for my uncle's brat child, and I'm not the most loving person. I just find them an inconvience. Maybe I'll start a thread on this.

 

[Metal_isthe_Answer]

Babies after highschool? Eugh...

Gotta admit though, its better than babies in high school

 

[worrywort]

That's an interesting question. Ideally I don't think children should be bought into the world unless there is a solid, secure and stable home for them to be raised in. But on the other hand, can we really prevent people from having sex before they're in a stable situation? As a start I think there should at least be more education on the subject, so that people are aware of just how big a commitment it is to bring a child into the world.