Does anyone else find that counselling doesn't work?

[Rosenrot]

Well basically I was made to go and see a councillor a few years ago to try and help with my low self esteem/social anxiety but found it impossible to open up to them as I don't like talking to strangers and it made me so uncomfortable I stopped going after a few sessions. Has anyone else had this happen to them?

 

[KiaKaha]

Perhaps the specific counsellor you saw wasnt the right one - perhaps their personality or style didnt suit you and you didnt feel at ease with them. You so have to keep in mind that counselling is a two way relationship - it only works if the client is willing and agrees to work with the counsellor to help.

It is kind of like going to a gym, you will be given access to all the equipment but it is up to you to make use of it to facilitate change.

 

[EscapeArtist]

^ good reply.

I think counseling doesn't work if you're not willing to make consistent changes. The only kind of counselor that has worked for me was a very action-based counselor, we didn't talk about feelings at all, she basically just worked with me to figure out gradual steps and then held me accountable to them. She also helped me find resources. The kind of counselor that helps a person work through their emotions, is very intimidating to me. Perhaps you need to see a few counselors that all work a bit differently and see which one suits you

 

[Rosenrot]

Okay thanks guys not sure if I'm ready to try it again just yet as the whole being alone in a room with a stranger thing freaked me out, but if and when I do I shall follow your advice

 

[MarionBerry]

^ good reply.

I think counseling doesn't work if you're not willing to make consistent changes. The only kind of counselor that has worked for me was a very action-based counselor, we didn't talk about feelings at all, she basically just worked with me to figure out gradual steps and then held me accountable to them. She also helped me find resources. The kind of counselor that helps a person work through their emotions, is very intimidating to me. Perhaps you need to see a few counselors that all work a bit differently and see which one suits you

I second this advice. I hate hate hate hate the emotional kind of therapy. HATE IT! It just ends up making me feel worse and hating the therapist for making me feel that way. My current one is a bit better in that she's a cognitive behavioral therapist and we're currently working through a book on Anxiety & Phobias together. So I go home and do the homework and then I show her what I did (not a fan of this step either...). Her main use to me is to hold me accountable on actually making progress. Which I am. So it works.

 

[Bustn Justin]

I have a hard time being open to mine as well. I know I have to just be real no matter how embarasssing it is.

 

[KiaKaha]

Counsellors are trained to be as sympathetic as possible. Transcending their own work view and try to see things as objectively as much as they can. Which is a very hard thing to do. It may seem like they are only listening, but in fact what they (or at least should) be doing is allow you to be yourself completely - all the while validating the way you feel and help you faciltate your own change.

If this is not occurring, then either the counsellor is not right for you or they are simply not very good counsellors to begin with.
Most people who benefit from counselling do so because they want to be there....not because they have to be

 

[chibiXphantom]

i went to a day of councelling, forced upon my by my parents, as well as 2 different councelling sessions with the school guidance councellor. neither of them helped, gave me a better understanding of my issues, and just told me all the stuff id been hearing.

ive found im a better councelor to myself than anyone else has been. all they ask is "why do you feel this way?" "what do you think caused this?" "anything bad going on at home?"
im like "no idea, no idea, and family has nothing to do with it". their suggestions were to just do stuff i already have been doing. no help at all

 

[Etbow23]

Like other people said, I think it depends on both the therapist and also your own willingness to change. I've had therapists who I found extremely judgmental, which made me feel very uncomfortable. But also before I mostly would go just to complain about what happened to day to day, (which is therapeutic, yes, but isn't really making progress) rather than trying to sort out the underlying issues and change my own learned thought processes.

Now I've been out of therapy for about a year or so and I think I'm ready to get back into it. I'm not hoping the first therapist i find will necessarily be perfect, but usually i can tell a lot by online profiles and by talking to them on the phone first if i think they will be able to help me at all. And I think that I've matured a lot and I actually want to start working on serious issues holding me back in life, rather than just going to complain (i will complain some obviously lol, but i feel as though i've moved past that stage of my healing process).

I would say don't give up just because one therapist was unable to connect with you. It's important to get the right fit with a therapist, and not all of them are going to be able to do it .

 

[cowboyup]

as others have said here, it is quite true.

My personal experience was when I went for the first time (years ago) and the counselor was a man, and instead of helping me address my problems at hand, he was more interested in if I had an eating disorder, cut myself, etc. A gut feeling told me this was going nowhere and just a waste of money. I finally found a therapist I was comfortable with and was eager, at that point, to help myself and willing to do the work to address my issues.

Right off the top of my head, I would say, if you can, try to find another therapist who you are comfortable with.

Best of luck!

 

[fate12321]

truth is counseling does not work at all, In my school counselor suck instead of helping they end up making you feel like Sh*t

 

[Earthcircle]

Well basically I was made to go and see a councillor a few years ago to try and help with my low self esteem/social anxiety but found it impossible to open up to them as I don't like talking to strangers and it made me so uncomfortable I stopped going after a few sessions. Has anyone else had this happen to them?

I had so many problems with therapists, I don't know where to begin. I'll mention the most shocking one, although some people online think I'm lying when I say this. But it's true, so I'm saying it. When I was 18, I went to an on-campus counsellor who contacted the campus psychiatric division concerning me. He lied to them, telling that I had schizophrenic symptoms. In fact, I did not have any such symptoms. He convinced a psychiatrist to trick me into taking an anti-schizophrenia drug which I took for six months. The drug caused all sorts of really bad problems without relieving anything. I didn't begin to feel normal again until I stopped taking it. I feel really abused, and hate mental health professionals.

 

[Earthcircle]

Perhaps the specific counsellor you saw wasnt the right one - perhaps their personality or style didnt suit you and you didnt feel at ease with them.

It's that sort of talk that keeps a person in therapy forever.

 

[Earthcircle]

I just discovered this. YES!!!

TELL: Therapy Exploitation Link Line

 

[jaim38]

A counselor in high school tried to get me to open up about my issues but I refused to tell her. I lied and said I was gonna tell her later but I never did. On the other hand, I was able to open up to counselors on mental health hotlines.

 

[Srijita52]

Perhaps the specific counsellor you saw wasnt the right one - perhaps their personality or style didnt suit you and you didnt feel at ease with them. You so have to keep in mind that counselling is a two way relationship - it only works if the client is willing and agrees to work with the counsellor to help.

It is kind of like going to a gym, you will be given access to all the equipment but it is up to you to make use of it to facilitate change.

Well said Kia. I saw a counsellor a few months ago but it seemed to me that he was too cold and rigid. So after a few sessions I stopped going there. Guess he just wasn't the type of person I'd normally open up to.

 

[kihira]

I really like the psychologist that I'm seeing, I can talk about anything and she will tune into what I'm saying and reflect back my thoughts from different perspectives, helping me to see my problems from other angles. She is very intuitive, non-judgmental and remembers stuff from previous sessions. I can feel that the counselling is working for me, though it's rather like onions, with layer after layer being exposed.

 

[coyote]

onions always make me cry when i chop them

but when i eat them, they make me fart :idontknow:

 

[THeCARS1979]

Well basically I was made to go and see a councillor a few years ago to try and help with my low self esteem/social anxiety but found it impossible to open up to them as I don't like talking to strangers and it made me so uncomfortable I stopped going after a few sessions. Has anyone else had this happen to them?

Yes in a way it did . I was going for neurofeedback and therapy sessions. I went for 22 of those and was sent home with a machine and made it to about 20 and stopped there too. Now Im looking for another direction and what else to do to break the ice of SA