Do you worry you're not good enough?

SilverLiner

Well-known member
Maybe I'm just getting paranoid with something that I shan't explain on a message board but do you ever feel what you offer isn't good enough? I'm with my girlfriend of just over 3 months and to this day I'm still panicking and worrying that she's going to leave me for someone more out going and someone much closer (it's a long distance thing). I'm just so worried that she'll never see the best of me, particularly when we're out in public. I'm trying to do all these gestures like love letters, flowers etc but sometimes I think it's just not enough. I know I'm not her ideal guy (as much as I want to be). I'm getting so paranoid that I'm getting absurd ideas in my head that she's cheating on me because I'm so boring and she's getting her kicks from somewhere else. I absolutely hate feeling this way.
 

Yossarian

Well-known member
All the time.

The thing is the more you stress about your relationship the worse it will be. The more stressed and paranoid you are, the less fun you will be anyway. You have to accept she has chosen you for her reasons not yours. You have to trust her. Just be yourself. Or else you're not even in a relationship, it's her and your projection. Most relationships don't last. That's life. Try and relax, be yourself and just enjoy it, for however long it may last.
 

blubs

Well-known member
I've been in a relationship for the past 6 years...and I STILL feel like that all the time :(
 

Carina33

Well-known member
I do feel like that.... even though I have never had a real boyfriend.

My cousin broke up with her boyfriend only a couple of weeks after they started dating. Him and I became very good friends, we would talk all through the night. He is one of the very few people I could talk to like that, ever. In fact, I have never been able to talk to anyone the way that I talked to him.. you know the story. Too much happened to ever tell. But the point is, he is still obsessed with my cousin, no matter what she does. It doesn't matter..... but it doesn't help to think about when I am struggling with my feelings of worthlessness.
 

IcanDoIt

Well-known member
yeah. i also worry that i am not good enough for ym friends, work etc..

i feel i need to be perfect, which is not possible living on earth.

thaT is why right now i need to change that thought..
 

Carina33

Well-known member
I agree with you entirely Cryptolysergick..... and, if that person must trust you entirely back.
 

kattness

Well-known member
i also feel like that.... its always in the back of my head and its horrible.
only way to deal with it is say to myself whoever is with me is with me because they like me for who i am. nim mainly just scared they cant deal with my s/p and depression cos it does get in the way of relationships.
 

black_mamba

Well-known member
I'm trying to do all these gestures like love letters, flowers etc but sometimes I think it's just not enough.

Do you think these are irrational thoughts? I mean it's a different matter if you had genuine suspiciouns that your partner is cheating but my bets are on irrationality (and yes, I feel this way too).

Now lets weigh up the irrational with the rational:

SP (evil SP, bad SP!!) tells us that our partners find us inadequate and would rather be with someone else.

Reality tells us that this person is actually choosing to spend a large proportion of their time with us; therefore we must be worthwhile enough.

...seriously, why would any decent person waste their life with someone unless they were totally mad about them? [other than the uber-dependant people who are scared of the image of being single]
 

Cryptolysergick

Well-known member
kattness said:
i also feel like that.... its always in the back of my head and its horrible.
only way to deal with it is say to myself whoever is with me is with me because they like me for who i am. nim mainly just scared they cant deal with my s/p and depression cos it does get in the way of relationships.

Love the lamb chop! :D
 
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