do you feel invisible?

[onehandclapping]

I feel like everywhere I go i'm forgotten, overlooked, not considered ,that I am never asked to be part of things... its gotten to point where I have tried everything yet it still feels like I don't exist to people. I used to make a lot of effort, I did all the following stuff in the past despite having social anxiety. I am here to tell you that it doesn't make a difference if you have social anxiety and can't go out, to if you really try and push through it to make good friends (the ends justify the means) sometimes you are forgotten or left out no matter what you do.

I was always the person ringing others up to get together, going over to see them, it was through no lack of effort on my part. I remember when I met some new friends at a bar, I had known them for a while, I was friends with the manager, or at least I thought I was? I would conversate with them every time I was there, listen to her problems, talk to the bar staff and be on friendly first name terms with them, even stayed over at one of their flats one night, invited them to parties I had organised. yet when it came to them doing something I was never considered, even when I expressed interest. I remember the real insult was when they made collage of all their "friends" that they knew who came to the bar out of photos taken of the people they knew, I was there every week, sometimes I would dj for them, and yet people who hardly ever went there or didn't even care about the place were included in their "friends" collage and I wasn't... what a slap in the face that was! they all were organising a day out I said I would like to come along, they all went without me.

I got to know other "friends" at parties, people who I formed a great bond with.. who I tought things to, who I helped get his career started and who I helped get a job, I put in good words for him to loads of other people.I considered him one of my best friends, yet when he tried to commit suicide I was never informed. people who were nowhere near as supportive and helpful were told about it and I wasn't. I was there for him through thick and thin, I was the best friend a friend could be to both him and his family. yet nobody considered to even tell me. that is how little I mean to people... I was there for him and his family week in week out, I remember spending hours in that kitchen talking through and being a sympathetic ear to his family who were going through tough times and problems, I offered loads of help and support and when I fell on hard times I never even heard from them.

I could bring up countless other examples of times when I have tried to make friends with people and I am always the person left out, forgotten, not considered. through no lack of effort or care on my part. I feel like I don't want to make any effort anymore. it even extends to my presence online (not here but other websites I have tried my luck and different approaches), I have been friendly, supportive, welcoming to people online and yet when I leave those places no one remembers me or even gives much of a shit at all. I even tried drawing more attention to myself, being really attention seeking, that didn't help either. I just don't know what the **** to do anymore, I have run out of ideas. I make effort with peopkle, nothing. I try and play it cool and sort of hard to get, nothing. I make less effort, nothing. I draw attention to myself , nothing. I feel like I have been cursed or something!

 

[FriendlyShadow]

Hello there, I actually want to say that I've experienced similar feelings of lonliness/depression at times, even when I was around people, my depression seems to worsen because I feel as if I've had such bad luck with being around people who make me feel self concious and treat me like a slave. Although, it's okay because I know none of that matters in the end. I felt like you, I have also tried in every way possible to make the best effort in making others feel good about themselves. Some are usually very accceptive and pleased by everything I do for them, but then there's most of them that either expect a lot more from me or there's overly critical people who like to put me under pressure and think it's amusing to watch me doing all these favors they ask of me. It's almost as if they are intentionally begging for me to fail, they like to watch me crumble in pieces. And yes, I have been trying to overcome and push myself out of being shy, but since I'm such an uninteresting, bland person, I actually have very little to talk about now that I realized. It's because pretty much all my life has been nothing but revolving around problems and drama. That's why I'm keep those things to myself private. I don't think not even one person would be willing to take up all their time and listen to me complain about how crappy my life is. It's rare that good things ever happen to me anyways. There's probably only a few occasions in my whole life where there was something I felt truly happy about, but the rest of the things I went through were like trying to survive through some holocaust. Not only that, but since there is no kind of support in my house, I now finally understand that this is going to be a long battle I need to deal with alone.

Another thing I always hate admitting to people, is when I tell them I don't have any friends. I feel like I regret saying it, because I don't want my own problems to be the center of everything and I don't expect anyone to fix them. This is something I have to deal with alone. It's not anyone else's responsibility to make things better for me. I know that people would like me to be happy and would like to pair me up with friends, but as I said, I'm the only person that can learn to endure this myself. There's even times when someone who thinks they are trying to "help" me, are actually demoralizing me without know it and tries to deny they're not. It's the fact that they don't see anything wrong in what they do that scares me. I feel like telling others that I don't really need anyone to help me, I can find ways to deal with my own problems without expecting others to fix them for me. The truth is, is that nobody can do anything about this particular situation I'm in and I've had a fear that it would only drive people away because they are too tired to waste their energy encouraging me while I'm wallowing in my self pity. I mean come on, I know that no one wants to constantly be around someone who is too needy/too dependent/ and unable to take care of themselves, I just know people can't handle being around anyone like that. I can't depend and rely on people to assist me everytime I fall. But I guess it is what it is. I also have felt too, that I've done my best to be supportive and give people helpful advice, talk them out of suicidal thoughts/depression, but I don't remember there being a time where someone was there to comfort me. Even when I did break down in front of people, their so called "helpful advice'" was simply "Be strong" "Don't cry, you're too old for that." "Get over it." Heh, yeah I wonder why I bother trying anymore. People will usually see my kindness as something they can take for granted, and it's impossible to escape from them. There's nothing I hate more than people making a mug out of me and it happens way too often. In my situation, I think the reason why people don't understand what I'm going through, is the fact that they're not around certain people that make them feel the way how I feel. But it's okay, I guess I shouldn't expect anything from people anymore because I know I'm just really making a fool of myself. Sorry I know the rant seemed off topic related to your thread, but at least this can be as a writing practice to vent out my frustrations.