The thing is I'm introverted, but for so many years before I became introverted I tried new things and experienced so many different things but none of them actually made me truly happy. I once did enjoy things that made me happy, but since our society has changed so much over the course of time and my high expectations have not lowered I have not been able to get myself interested in the things I once enjoyed. My expectations are very very high for pretty much everything. I mean to give you an example as a kid I used to cry and build high anxiety whenever I received a grade of a B on a test and didn't get the A every time. My friend believe it or not did every time where he got an A on a test. Sure it's understandable not everything in life works perfectly for people and rejection does happen, but surely people do have expectations that get fulfilled with things they do in life and are able to adjust their expectations so they are having a good time with things they do. I just can't seem to ever lower my expectations on anything at all and none of my expectations ever get fulfilled. Therefore I can't seem to feel the need to get out and socialize a ton, because I just don't see the value in making friends when my expectations for fun are always sky high. Sure I did go to a happy hour last night and did socialize with people, but whatever I engage in isn't because I enjoy it but more just for the sake of doing so to satisfy others. I never say to myself oh man my expectations were fulfilled, that was awesome but just it was okay!
Even when I'm watching sports my favorite team winning isn't enough anymore like it used to be unless they build their winning team the way I would enjoy watching them most. So I can't seem to get invested in actually enjoying watching sports even though I do it for my family. And a lot of times even when it appears among people that I'm having a good time doing active things, I'm actually really not I'm just pretending to have a good time so as to not upset other people.
I mean even if my expectations were very very high for everything one would think I would luck into meeting one of those very high expectations provided I worked really really hard at it which I always do. A very very high expectation is never impossible to achieve things, but if it never happens where not even one of my high expectations are achieved then it's like why even bother making friends, having fun, and making something of life to the fullest?
Even when I'm watching sports my favorite team winning isn't enough anymore like it used to be unless they build their winning team the way I would enjoy watching them most. So I can't seem to get invested in actually enjoying watching sports even though I do it for my family. And a lot of times even when it appears among people that I'm having a good time doing active things, I'm actually really not I'm just pretending to have a good time so as to not upset other people.
I mean even if my expectations were very very high for everything one would think I would luck into meeting one of those very high expectations provided I worked really really hard at it which I always do. A very very high expectation is never impossible to achieve things, but if it never happens where not even one of my high expectations are achieved then it's like why even bother making friends, having fun, and making something of life to the fullest?
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