Dale Carnegie

[Earthcircle]

In my opinion, I have avoidant personality -- although I have been diagnosed with just about everything. But the only diagnosis that makes much sense is my self-diagnosis of avoidant personality.

Now, I am sick and tired of all the CBT, ACT, psychoanalysis, hypnotherapy, human givens, narrative therapy, meditation, SNRIs, MAOIs, SSRIs, benzodiazepines, and neuroleptics. Nothing has helped me with avoidance, even though I feel some kind of peer pressure to lie and say that something "has helped." No, in fact, nothing has helped. I am so sick of all of it, and so old -- I recently turned 50 -- that I am beginning to wonder why avoidant people can't just do something obvious to correct their condition. I am running out of time, and I want this to stop.

Could we overcome our avoidance by reading Dale Carnegie? This is not a joke or a rhetorical question. I would really like to know from someone who has read Carnegie -- I haven't -- whether they think this would be a good idea or not. I have had enough BS. I want something that works. Might this be the ticket?

 

[MollyBeGood]

I don't think you can over come avoidance by reading that tools writing...sorry he bugs me to no end.

Try just getting out there! Write a journal about your experiences on this forum and we will all sympathize with you.

That is about as much as I can offer. Writing is absolutely helpful/cathartic so try THAT instead of spending hrs listening to therapists who really have no clue and just want your money.

 

[Earthcircle]

I don't think you can over come avoidance by reading that tools writing...sorry he bugs me to no end.

Try just getting out there! Write a journal about your experiences on this forum and we will all sympathize with you.

That is about as much as I can offer. Writing is absolutely helpful/cathartic so try THAT instead of spending hrs listening to therapists who really have no clue and just want your money.

In the past, I have gotten out there. But now I have moved to another country, and feel a bit lost. Not sure exactly how one "gets out there" around here. Frankly, I don't think I learned anything by "getting out there." That too was a failed method.

 

[MollyBeGood]

I hate to see anyone put all their hopes into a book, pill, therapist, religion, job, etc...

Only way through it is through it. No magic you just have to keep trying and failing and trying again. It does get easier the more you try. You develop coping skills.

You need to develop those skills yourself.

Does that make sense?

 

[Earthcircle]

I hate to see anyone put all their hopes into a book, pill, therapist, religion, job, etc...

Only way through it is through it. No magic you just have to keep trying and failing and trying again. It does get easier the more you try. You develop coping skills.

You need to develop those skills yourself.

Does that make sense?

Except that I've been doing this for years, and I really don't change much.

 

[worrywort]

I LOVE Dale Carnegie! His book "How to stop worrying and start living" is absolutely essential reading for me. I have an audiobook version and probably listen to it once a year. There's so much practical wisdom in it, I don't necessarily agree with all of it, but I find most of it really encouraging. It really helps give perspective and it gets my attitude to a more positive place.

His more famous book, "How to win friends and influence people", I also think is very good and has a lot of good advice in it, but you have to be a little careful too. It was written in 1936 and sometimes comes across as being a little manipulative. It basically views money as the main symbol of success in life, and much of the advice is geared to helping you "get ahead" in the world. But if you can see past that, I still think there's tons of really timeless advice on how to get along with other people. Definitely a vital read for anyone with social difficulties.

I would also suggest that you could tackle your problem by coming at it from both sides, and not only trying to overcome your avoidant personality, but also trying to accept parts of it as ok and as who you are. I've recently read a book called "The Loners Manifesto" which has helped me see, to a certain extent, that the desire to be alone and avoid people is not necessarily a bad one.

 

[Earthcircle]

Hmm. Interesting. Thank you. I have recently been living with a fellow INTJ who, it turns out, is more social than I am. He makes me feel like a failure, even though -- in all fairness to myself -- I really don't have as much time to be social as he does.

 

[Pacific_Loner]

I am so sick of all of it, and so old -- I recently turned 50 -- that I am beginning to wonder why avoidant people can't just do something obvious to correct their condition. I am running out of time, and I want this to stop.

In the past, I have gotten out there. But now I have moved to another country, and feel a bit lost. Not sure exactly how one "gets out there" around here. Frankly, I don't think I learned anything by "getting out there." That too was a failed method.

I am sorry if I'm asking stupid questions, or questions that you answered a million times, but would you be able to:

State exactly what you want to change in your current condition and Why
Explain what exactly it is for you to "get out there"
What you mean when you say you "failed" at that method

You don't have to answer if you think it's pointless.

 

[anomicdeer]

I don't think you can over come avoidance by reading that tools writing...sorry he bugs me to no end.

Try just getting out there! Write a journal about your experiences on this forum and we will all sympathize with you.

That is about as much as I can offer. Writing is absolutely helpful/cathartic so try THAT instead of spending hrs listening to therapists who really have no clue and just want your money.

That's why I don't go.
I never have.
It'll have same effect as coming here.

I freak out, post something, get ignored or listened to and still feel shitty. I binge watch stuff and feel slightly better temporarily and then something happens in my life to feel worse than before... The loop

 

[theslowesthand]

Like you, I am also "old", and stuck in a rut.
But i'm starting to realize the importance of how we think, what our beliefs are, etc.
This Dale Carnegie guy seems to be very positive & uplifting, which is good, as people like us need that very much so.
Personally i believe that your best best (as it is for myself) to look at trying to think better (eg turn negatives into positives), fill mind with positive/inspiring words, try to alter some beliefs you have .. that sort of thing.

 

[Earthcircle]

I would like to thank everyone for their feedback. As for what I am looking for, I had a network of friends in another country that I lost when I moved. It was an interesting network, a mix of erotic and non-erotic. Here, I have almost nothing, and am very jealous of people who seem to be more social than I am. (Neither of the two countries I just mentioned is my native country.) I am just not sure how to establish a network of friends here, and am also nervous that my age will make it harder to do so than it was in the past.