Constant state of loneliness

Mehh

Mehh

Active member
The thing I hate most about having SA is the loneliness. Sometimes I feel different from other people on this website, because I actually want and crave human contact and human relationships. I don't want to be alone, and I hate being isolated for days without talking to another person. I honestly do not enjoy being alone, or at least do not enjoy being alone for long periods of time. The problem is that my social anxiety keeps me from ever establishing lasting, healthy relationships, and I'm far too shy and awkward to make/keep many friends. I'm never satisfied- whenever I do find someone to spend time with, I usually feel uncomfortable and unsure of myself... and when I'm not with somebody, I feel a crippling loneliness. I hate how this condition makes me fear people, yet my humanity makes me need them at the same time.

Does anybody else feel like this?
 
psych

psych

Well-known member
Yes, what makes you think you're alone in feeling this way? If that was different, there'd be no website to post to, because none of us would crave interaction.
You're in good company, here... As far as I can tell. ;)
 
V

Valhalla

Well-known member
I don't necessarily want to be around friends and knowing a lot of people, I want the option. I would most likely spend my free time by myself, but to have the option to be with friends, to join a group is what I really want. When you're alone, and suddenly feel like you want to spend time with someone, you can't. It's possible to be alone the other way around, if you feel that you are too social.

Somewhere, the wish to be alone, and the loneliness which is forced upon you becomes a blurr. You want to be alone, because you can't get friends. And you don't want friends, because you like being alone. And you can't get friends anyhow because you have a hard, or impossible, time to work in social events. I hope I'm making sense here!

So somewhere down the line, I say that I enjoy being alone. It's a true and false statement at the same time. I've comed to like the idea of being alone because that's how my personality have been shaped, both through my own choises but also through those the conditions that I were given, but at the same time I miss friendship, but I can't have any friends.
 
MoonBoom

MoonBoom

Well-known member
Completely agree Mehh. The loneliness for me is another devastating aspect of my condition. Sometimes you just have to cry one out and continue to be lonely.
 
Kiwong

Kiwong

Well-known member
All my life it has been people who have hurt me, contributed to my ill health. I like to be involved in things that involve people, and I like neutral or positive human contact. I wouldn't say I crave it.

However, what I have learnt is that pain and hurt is an inevitable result of human interaction. How do I develop a thick enough skin to be able to deal with the pain and hurt?

I have become to believe that keeping my own company is better for health and sanity. .
 
razzle dazzle rose

razzle dazzle rose

Well-known member
Mehh said:
Does anybody else feel like this?
Click to expand...

I feel exactly the same way. Everything you have said here, I can relate.

I want more people in my life. Yet, it is a habit of mine to push people away. Those two things just don't go. It is this stupid SA. But just because I have SA and push people away doesn't mean I don't want to be social. I make all sorts of excuses so I can justify avoiding people. While I do crave close relationships, I just can't handle the possibility of rejection or getting hurt--both of which I have experienced way too many times. So to avoid those painful feelings, I isolate myself. It is doing terrible things to me. It is not working out. It never has. But now it is out of control. How do people make friends anyway? *sigh*
 
mikebird

mikebird

Banned
Bewildered in a wilderness of
nothing

Right now, I'm feeling a real gaze of phenytoin, when I take it a bit early in the evening, to get it done, and out of the way. First time I started with these, I tried going to my usual clubby place in town, unable to say much, and embarrassed. It's beyond me to act normal. Can't say no to this dosage. Docs say these keep me away from epilepsy and stroke.

I used to be pretty normal. My condition makes me want do drop the phenytoin, possibly achieving a realistic social life... and employment, without the insurance of protection from epilepsy or stroke. I like risks. By reducing my dosage, long term, during some training and exams, everything was a lot more normal. I should have resumed phenytoin after the exams; but that is a tough decision. I had a siezure a year later. I have a big set of antidressants - nasty name, but to slow down brain activity. Maybe I was born to be alone in my outlook.
 
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Ashiene

Ashiene

Well-known member
Mehh said:
The thing I hate most about having SA is the loneliness. Sometimes I feel different from other people on this website, because I actually want and crave human contact and human relationships. I don't want to be alone, and I hate being isolated for days without talking to another person. I honestly do not enjoy being alone, or at least do not enjoy being alone for long periods of time. The problem is that my social anxiety keeps me from ever establishing lasting, healthy relationships, and I'm far too shy and awkward to make/keep many friends. I'm never satisfied- whenever I do find someone to spend time with, I usually feel uncomfortable and unsure of myself... and when I'm not with somebody, I feel a crippling loneliness. I hate how this condition makes me fear people, yet my humanity makes me need them at the same time.

Does anybody else feel like this?
Click to expand...

Yes. It is very tragic. To crave something so badly and yet it is always out of grasp. Like trying to catch your own tail.
 
D

dyingtolive

Well-known member
i must admit that there are some people here who are lonelier than me...

I crave it... sometimes... so strong... but i have always enjoyed being alone...
I love to do some things alone. I am after all an introvert. (INTP/INFP) Tougher for an extrovert to have SA. Actually i am so surprised ENTP's or was that ENTJ's who in the poll here of personality types had the highest number of posters!
well poor them, extrovert and SA..

Sometimes i do long for intimacy... on the other hand, i am also a bit frightened of commitment lol! So that push and pull maybe lessens the longing...

But its diff. for me.. i believe that im just not ready to not be alone... yet.. but after i fix myself which im working on this year... then maybe things will be different..
 
MrJones

MrJones

Well-known member
I don't like being alone, it makes me feel miserable, and I'm always alone, even if I'm with people....

Maybe I'm just weird, I rarely find someone I'm comfortable with, and when that happens it always turns out the person who I thought was different was in fact just like everyone else. We are all different, but we are all the same? I don't know, but I hope not.

I still dream about finding someone I can feel at ease with. If that dream will ever come true or not, I'll never know until it happens, and I don't have much hope left.

Maybe I'm just made to be lonely. Other people seem to be okay with it. I'm not, and I don't think I'll ever learn how to be happy all alone.
 
I

Inanimate

Member
Mehh said:
whenever I do find someone to spend time with, I usually feel uncomfortable and unsure of myself... and when I'm not with somebody, I feel a crippling loneliness. I hate how this condition makes me fear people, yet my humanity makes me need them at the same time.

Does anybody else feel like this?
Click to expand...

Yes, I do. It's a terrible catch-22.
 
Gidi

Gidi

Well-known member
Your not alone, I can't make friends because of SA and its torture....so your not alone
 
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