Commitment and making plans

#1
I hate making plans.

I hate when people ask me to do something with them days in advance, even the day before, because it makes me feel trapped. What if the day comes and I don't feel like going?

I hate bringing people along on trips because it means if I'm driving east and in the middle of it I decide I want to go north, I might not be able to do it, because I have to negociate with someone, and this person might be too confused with the change of plan. If I bring more than one person, don't even think about it.

The same way, I've proven the last couple of years that I am unable to commit to a relationship because as soon as I start having responsabilities towards the other person, I feel trapped. I feel like being in a relationship means having to report yourself to each other all the time, and it's deeply annoying to me. I've made a lot of progress lately SA-wise, but I'm not sure how to address this one.

Anyone relate?
 

Ithior

Well-known member
#4
I'm ok with plans made days in advance because I can mentally prepare for them. I hate it when people make plans the day before or even in the same day because it gives me no time to get ready and in the mood to do it, it just puts me in the mood to not do it.
 
#5
Nope, can't relate.

All the unknowns, the chaos, unexpected people and situations--these are a big part of why socializing tends to drain me.

I prefer my spontaneity planned well in advance. :thumbup:
 
#6
I think if I want to be honest with myself I have to admit that one of the reason why I don't like when people ask me to do something with them days in advance is mainly because it's more difficult to find an excuse not to go than if they call at the last minute...
 
#7
I can relate how you feel, especially with the first situation you mentioned. Making a promise about an upcoming event drowns my soul. It is like i always need an open door in case i might feel bad and not feel like going...
 

Izzie

Active member
#8
I do and I don't.

I like to know where I am going, who with etc in advance so I can prepare myself. If it's something short notice I can feel panicked. But I sometimes make plans when I am feeling good only for my mood to change and then I start with the worrying etc. and get angry with myself for having made those plans because I would rather not go.

I guess for me it ends up simply with how I am feeling at the time. I wish I new my moods in advance so I could plan around them!
 

Mokkat

Well-known member
#9
If I make plans, like being invited to something, I always feel obligated and usually glad to attend. However it's incredibly hard for me to commit to taking action or initiating stuff by myself.
 

bsammy

Well-known member
#10
1-i dont like making plans in advance these days either as usually even if the idea sounds good atm, when the time comes to do it, i usually for whatever reason do not feel like following through..

2-when i go places, i prefer to be alone so i can go where i want, when i want..i generally get no enjoyment out of someones company if i go shopping or anywhere else..its the loner in me..

3-the relationship curse..im the same way, as soon as a relationship starts to become somewhat serious, i feel trapped too..i immediately start to withdraw as its not comfortable..i dont like having to keep in close contact with someone all the time..i dunno, anymore i almost dont see the reward in being in a serious relationship tbh..
 

Zaki

Well-known member
#11
Yeah, I totally understand. I don't like the pressure that comes with making plans. I'm most comfortable being alone when I go places. I like the freedom. I've never been in a relationship, but one thing that makes me uneasy about having one is the feeling of being trapped. I feel the closeness would inevitably become suffocating for me.
 

Aylaa

Well-known member
#12
If I make plans, like being invited to something, I always feel obligated and usually glad to attend. However it's incredibly hard for me to commit to taking action or initiating stuff by myself.
This. It is so much harder for me to ask someone else to do something because I'm scared of rejection. But I still want contact, so I'm glad when someone invites me to something! (If it's something I actually want. If it's not, I'll just say no.)
 
#13
I can relate so much to this!
It then becomes more stressful that I have to figure out a good "reason" to get out of going.

On the rare occasion I am asked to do something that is planned ahead of time, I only say "yes" because I am too afraid to say no. :kickingmyself:

I don't know which is worse, the SA stress from actually going to the event or the guilt from making an excuse and lying about it so I don't have to go. :sad:
 
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