Can you ever get used to loneliness?

#2
One can search the web, read a book, write, paint, game, etc. but I don't think you can ever totally escape. I wish it weren't so but everyone wants to relate to someone and more importantly, have them relate to you.
 
#3
I'm sure you can, and I don't think it's a bad thing.

If you continue to look at your solitude as a failure, then you will never be happy with it... but it isn't actually the solitude that is hurting you, it's the sense of failure. And you can let go of that.

If you look at most of the posts on this forum where people are expressing despair, they're not actually upset because they're alone, they're upset because they don't have things that they believe they want, or that they think would make them happy, or feel more accepted or understood by others. Longing for these things is hurting them far more than being alone.

Most of what we consider to be success or failure is social pressure and nothing more-- we respond to it because our instincts tell us to be social, but your mind can temper that... and if you actually embrace it, there is a clarity and perspective in being alone that people with a lot of friends/relationships don't have.

One of the hardest things to do is content yourself with who you are and what you have, no matter what happens. You can't always control your life, but you can control how you feel about it. Maybe not all of the time, but probably enough to make you feel like you're worth it.
 

FriendlyShadow

Well-known member
#4
And it's a bad thing if you do?
I hope that I can manage to have most of the solitude to myself. I'll be happy when I move out and can live in a house more quiet where nothing can disturb me. If I'd ever did feel bad about being lonely, i'd buy a pet to make me cheer up a bit.
 
#5
I'm sure you can, and I don't think it's a bad thing.

If you continue to look at your solitude as a failure, then you will never be happy with it... but it isn't actually the solitude that is hurting you, it's the sense of failure. And you can let go of that.

If you look at most of the posts on this forum where people are expressing despair, they're not actually upset because they're alone, they're upset because they don't have things that they believe they want, or that they think would make them happy, or feel more accepted or understood by others. Longing for these things is hurting them far more than being alone.

Most of what we consider to be success or failure is social pressure and nothing more-- we respond to it because our instincts tell us to be social, but your mind can temper that... and if you actually embrace it, there is a clarity and perspective in being alone that people with a lot of friends/relationships don't have.

One of the hardest things to do is content yourself with who you are and what you have, no matter what happens. You can't always control your life, but you can control how you feel about it. Maybe not all of the time, but probably enough to make you feel like you're worth it.
this for sure, spot on
 
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Kiwong

Well-known member
#6
Loneliness is not a good thing, it is being alone not by choice. Being alone by choice which is solitude can be a good thing.
 

Ransfordrowe

Well-known member
#7
Some people like their own company and thats fine.Others can not be alone due to maybe not liking their own thoughts much or they are easily bored and need others to enterain them.

Your never really alone since you have yourself .If someone feels lonely they need to ask tgemselves the reasons behind the feeling.If its due to not having enough friends then that can be changed.People do need to learn though I think,to be more comfortable with spending time alone.

Friends are fine but being by yourself can be entertaining and relaxing too.
 
#9
I hurt because i cant communicate or engage with others very well and feel lonely because of this, but i also need alot of time alone and can feel agitated by others invading my space. This unfortunately confuses others. X
 
#11
I'm very lonely person who only has few friend but most of the time stays at home (I hate going out to parties etc) therefore I'm nearly a completely lonely. I regret this because I would want to have a normal relationship but I can't simply because of my SocialAnxiety as well as minimal contact with people.
 
#12
I need to be alone a lot of the time. I think being alone sometimes is a privilege. When I am alone I feel accepted but when I am with others the opposite. A lot of the time I am happier alone.
 

Aylaa

Well-known member
#14
I think being alone is not the same as loneliness. Loneliness is being alone but craving contact. If you're fine being alone, you don't feel lonely.
just being alone doesn't have to be a bad thing.
 

dany

Active member
#15
It depends... Some people enjoy being lonely, for example me. But, there is a limit to this and I mean I don't like being alone all the time, just occasionally. We need people around to feel good despite the fact that some people might deny it.
 
#16
I think it depends.
My brother has always preferred loneliness but I can't tolerate it.
If I feel lonely for too long it affects me in a bad way, mood and energy wise.
 

Sacrament

Well-known member
#17
I'm sure you can, and I don't think it's a bad thing.

If you continue to look at your solitude as a failure, then you will never be happy with it... but it isn't actually the solitude that is hurting you, it's the sense of failure. And you can let go of that.

If you look at most of the posts on this forum where people are expressing despair, they're not actually upset because they're alone, they're upset because they don't have things that they believe they want, or that they think would make them happy, or feel more accepted or understood by others. Longing for these things is hurting them far more than being alone.

Most of what we consider to be success or failure is social pressure and nothing more-- we respond to it because our instincts tell us to be social, but your mind can temper that... and if you actually embrace it, there is a clarity and perspective in being alone that people with a lot of friends/relationships don't have.

One of the hardest things to do is content yourself with who you are and what you have, no matter what happens. You can't always control your life, but you can control how you feel about it. Maybe not all of the time, but probably enough to make you feel like you're worth it.
Well said. There's a difference between being alone and being lonely. Being alone stems from being by yourself (regardless of period of time), whereas being lonely stems from a lack of ability to be okay by yourself and with the things you enjoy doing (if you can find the joy in doing them). I'm still learning how to be alone without being lonely. It's not that I don't have people I can hang with, but more of a matter of starting to get bummed out and lacking motivation/energy when I spend too much time by myself, probably because my relationship with my own thoughts lacks coordination.

Here's a very insightful video on the subject: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y75OSMbud3c
 
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#18
It depends... Some people enjoy being lonely, for example me. But, there is a limit to this and I mean I don't like being alone all the time, just occasionally. We need people around to feel good despite the fact that some people might deny it.
I would say that kind of behaviour is normal for most of the people.

I think it depends.
My brother has always preferred loneliness but I can't tolerate it.
If I feel lonely for too long it affects me in a bad way, mood and energy wise.
Welcome to the one who's in the same situation. Just to say I'm the one who is lonely not because I choose it, it's because of SA and lack of skills to communicate properly with people. My brother is completely opposite of me so yeah, that's how it goes in my case.
 

sorrow1

Well-known member
#19
I used to feel lonelier in a crowded room. When I felt I was being ignored or judged being alone was a relief. People or human contact dont always cure loneliness, being cared about and being around the right people does. Some people think they prefer being alone and thats probably because of bad experiences, If you can learn to accept this and love yourself then fairenough but there are nice people out there that will care for you back and finding them I think is the only real cure for loneliness. Its not always easy I know but Don't waste time on people who make you feel inferior and bring you down.
 
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