Both anxious and excited about dating again

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nightcrawler

Well-known member
I haven't dated for many, many years. In fact I was a teenager the last time I dated someone...I'm now in my mid 40's!!! I've come close a few times, but for one reason or another it just hasn't happened. Tbh I've got used to being alone, though hoped that one day I might meet that special person. Being socially anxious has obviously played a HUGE part in me being single, though for the last 3 years I've been on an anti-depressant (Citalopram) which has slowly but surely helped. I've actually gone to several family gatherings, which I would used to always shun (though I'm still not 100% comfortable).

Anyway, back to my thread topic. A few months ago a woman came into my life. I thought she was very attractive, though well out of my league if I'm to be honest. I always get butterflies when I see her, and she often comes to talk to me. I'm 99% sure she fancies me, not just cos she comes to talk to me but also because the way she looks at me too. I'm always thinking about her now. Even when I'm at home I'm wishing I could be doing something with her, rather than playing videogames or watching tv on my own. It's now got to the point where I really want to ask her out, before she slips through my fingers. I may not get another chance like this again! I'm very anxious about dating again for the first time in ages, but am excited too about getting to know this woman. Anyway, I'm planning/hoping to ask her next week, so please wish me luck :)
 
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morrowrd

morrowrd

Active member
Not to be a wet blanket here, I do wish you luck, however one thing people with social anxiety tend to do, men especially, is misread signals from women. I'd make sure of the signals before you move.
 
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nightcrawler

Well-known member
UPDATE...UPDATE...UPDATE...

Well, I did it! I actually asked her out :) After having increased anxiety and some disturbed sleep for most of the week, today (Friday) I managed to pluck up the courage to finally ask her out. Amazingly, I remained pretty calm when asking her, and even maintained eye contact. I may have blushed, but don't think so.

So, did she say yes? Well ,sort of. I asked if she was single, and she said yes - so that was a good sign. Then I asked if she wanted to go out sometime, but before she really answered I said I didn't want to put her on the spot so then wrote down my number and gave it to her. I said if you're interested call or text me, but if you're not I won't be offended. Obviously I hope to hear from her though.

I have to say, regardless of whether she contacts me or not (I am hopeful), I felt very good about myself for actually asking her out to her face. The few dates I've been on (a long time ago) I asked girls out either through someone else, or a dating site. My confidence gained quite a boost today :)
 
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slimjim119

Well-known member
Good job! Nothing like a confidence boost to make you feel better about yourself. I hope to follow your example if I get any opportunities.:)
 
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nightcrawler

Well-known member
slimjim119 said:
Good job! Nothing like a confidence boost to make you feel better about yourself. I hope to follow your example if I get any opportunities.:)
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Thanks :) Good luck to you too if the opportunity arises - I'll be supporting you. Even if I don't end up dating this girl (the ball is in her court now) I feel that I could definitely ask another girl out (to her face) now I've done it.
 
kilojoule

kilojoule

1
Whatever happens, that took guts and might I add that the way you went about it was very thoughtful, not putting her on the spot -that was a nice touch. :) I look forward to hearing updates
 
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nightcrawler

Well-known member
kilojoule said:
Whatever happens, that took guts and might I add that the way you went about it was very thoughtful, not putting her on the spot -that was a nice touch. :) I look forward to hearing updates
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Thanks :) I'm sure she would have appreciated it more if she knew my social anxiety issues! lol. As yet I haven't heard from her :sad: but I'll see her when I go back to work on Tuesday anyway.

Thanks to everyone that's posted in this thread for your support :blushing:
 
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nightcrawler

Well-known member
Small Update...

After asking this girl out and giving her my number last Friday...I never heard from her :sad: In fact, today - Thursday - was the first time I got to talk to her since asking her out. We chatted briefly, and she said she would text me, but does she actually want to go out with me? I still don't know :sad: I really like this girl and I'm prepared to put myself through the whole anxiety-ridden dating game to get to know her better.
 
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Bronson99

Bronson99

Well-known member
I tend to be a bit of a pessimist, so I would think that if she's been giving *clear* signs of interest for a while and yet, will not reciprocate, then you have to consider that she's doing this for the attention without any real interest.

Yes, unfortunately, there are some women like this. As I've been told, though, it's not very common.. but it still does happen.
 
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nightcrawler

Well-known member
Some progress!...

Well last night she texted me! We've texted each other a few times today as well. Obviously she's ok with me having her number so I'll take that as a good sign! We still actually haven't arranged a date yet but if she wants to take things slowly then I'm ok with that. Unfortunately she's going away on holiday for 2 weeks in a few days time :sad: Obviously I won't see her in this period, but who knows maybe she'll stay in touch. Anyway, I'm gonna text her again later and hopefully try and arrange for us to hook up after she comes back.

PS Thanks for all your replies/support :blushing:
 
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