Body Composition & social acceptance?

[grapevine]

I'm not sure where to put this so I'll just put it here.

So I weigh 53-55kg and I'm about 156cm tall. According to my doctor I'm in the healthy weight for my height or body mass index.

But despite this, I get people telling me all the how skinny I am and asking me what I eat and what I should or need to eat.

Like this morning at work and I mention it was a little chilly - and 3 of the coworkers reply that it's because I have no fat on me at all. Once again people highlighting that my body is not right.

I will mention I have BDD (Body Dysmorphia) and in my past many years ago I was emotionally abused and told by the guy I lived with that I looked skinny and sickly all the time and unattractive ( that was 9 years ago and I did then have an eating disorder then as it was a horrific time for me).

But I eat lots of protien, calories - I'm vegan and been vegan for a very long time- - I eat variety of foods and eat high raw diet - and loads of fat in my food. I enjoy the way I eat.

Lately through depression my calories have dipped and I'm not that active so my muscle mass has withered a little.

But the thing is it's like obese people can tell me that I'm unhealthy .

Its like I'm not going to say back that they are unhealthy. It's like my body is socially unacceptable - and it's really really hard for me with BDD to have others highlight that to me.
At the start of last year I weighed around 82 kg - I had been overweight for some time because I was an emotional eater and would eat loads and loads of junk foods as my highlight of my days - now since I work that desire has gone and since last year all the weight just went.

People who remember me then get a shock I guess too.

But I get so many people thinking I'm anorexic or something- I'm so not. It's like I wish it was the 70s when being skinny was the norm - now it's like being overweight is the norm and being skinny is wrong or something.
I do t aim for skinny - it's just the way my body is now.

But I feel like hiding, not going out , completely ashamed of my body - it's a little Boney in my shoulders and stuff - and I know I need to build muscle again - it just sux how I'm always pointed out as not right because of my body - with bdd it's like the worst thing in the world!

 

[Hoppy]

Molly Galbraith has got a Love your body challenge thing in her blog.

I am not sure if that will help, but I hope things get better.

 

[Megaten]

I had alway been really skinny myself until just recently. For most of my 20s I hovered around 59-63 kg and Im like 190 cm. So Ive heard the jokes. How I need to eat a sandwich or women telling me they'd break me in half (which is very emasculating btw ladies) or some crap. Other guys frequently compared me to those gray aliens that are tall and lanky with the huge eyes and I wouldnt put it past the women making the same jokes behind my back. So I spent quite a bit of time trying to build up muscle in the gym trying to get huge but my body doesnt hold muscle well. Eventually I just kinda gave up.

I dunno i guess the majority rules. If most people are overweight, then you're going to get singled out for not being that. If most people are skinny, youre gonna get singled out for being overweight. Its stupid to be honest.

 

[Kiwong]

When I was in my twenties, and the fittest I have been in my life, my aunty reckoned I was to skinny, and all that running couldn't be good for me. I wanted to have muscles, I hated my body, but now I see old photos and I can see that I looked alright.

In my thirties when I piled on the weight and started to experience associated health problems, my Dad used to say you look healthy.

They were both wrong.


Now I am running again, and I am still thin for over 50, and I know that this is healthy for me. I get people say running is bad for my knees. I know it is not, running is the best thing that has happened to my physical and mental health right when I needed it.

As long as you are healthy, with the weight you are at, you shouldn't listen to anyone else, other than a medical professional. Walking can be really beneficial, it can tone your body, and to be honest I think improving tone is more important than building muscle.

 

[nodejesque]

I'm not sure where to put this so I'll just put it here.

So I weigh 53-55kg and I'm about 156cm tall. According to my doctor I'm in the healthy weight for my height or body mass index.

But despite this, I get people telling me all the how skinny I am and asking me what I eat and what I should or need to eat.

Like this morning at work and I mention it was a little chilly - and 3 of the coworkers reply that it's because I have no fat on me at all. Once again people highlighting that my body is not right.

I will mention I have BDD (Body Dysmorphia) and in my past many years ago I was emotionally abused and told by the guy I lived with that I looked skinny and sickly all the time and unattractive ( that was 9 years ago and I did then have an eating disorder then as it was a horrific time for me).

But I eat lots of protien, calories - I'm vegan and been vegan for a very long time- - I eat variety of foods and eat high raw diet - and loads of fat in my food. I enjoy the way I eat.

Lately through depression my calories have dipped and I'm not that active so my muscle mass has withered a little.

But the thing is it's like obese people can tell me that I'm unhealthy .

Its like I'm not going to say back that they are unhealthy. It's like my body is socially unacceptable - and it's really really hard for me with BDD to have others highlight that to me.
At the start of last year I weighed around 82 kg - I had been overweight for some time because I was an emotional eater and would eat loads and loads of junk foods as my highlight of my days - now since I work that desire has gone and since last year all the weight just went.

People who remember me then get a shock I guess too.

But I get so many people thinking I'm anorexic or something- I'm so not. It's like I wish it was the 70s when being skinny was the norm - now it's like being overweight is the norm and being skinny is wrong or something.
I do t aim for skinny - it's just the way my body is now.

But I feel like hiding, not going out , completely ashamed of my body - it's a little Boney in my shoulders and stuff - and I know I need to build muscle again - it just sux how I'm always pointed out as not right because of my body - with bdd it's like the worst thing in the world!

My sister is similar to you in that she is very small. That is just how she is and always has been. At 42 with four kids, she is still a size 4.

People will always have something to say and critique. I too have BDD, and body weight has been one of my biggest issues. I have always been thicker, and no matter how small I get... I have big thighs and a big ***. Growing up with four older sisters that are very attractive, I always felt less. Grotesque in comparison.

Even at my lowest weight of 130, I felt like a beast. It doesn't help that my family bonds over big dinners and cake. Yet, everyone is thin, but me. Well, and my brother.... But he's build like a linebacker.

Mentally I feel really fat, ugly, with all these things that are in dire need of improvement. My doctor says my weight is fine, my mom says I'm too skinny, and my best friend says I have a good figure. BUT, none of that matters.., because I'm the worst critic of myself.

I don't wear shorts or dresses, because if its not my weight that my mom comments on... Its my skin that everyone points out. I'm way too white.

My point in all this is that I understand how you feel, in wanting to avoid everyone. Especially with BDD. I know how painful it can be.

Some things that have helped me are deleting my Facebook. I also avoid having mirrors at home. Except the one over the restroom sink, and a compact for my makeup. I do things that help me feel better... Like facials, running, and visiting the gym.

Also, there are online support groups for people whom have BDD. I often frequent those sites and they have really helped.

People are ****s. I tend to try and ignore all the shit. But sometimes, I'll do something drastic with my appearance.... I feel like if I have something drastic, it keeps the attention away from all else. Or so I hope.

Currently, I have pink brows.

Anyway. If you ever want to talk about it... You can send me a pm.

 

[nodejesque]

I had alway been really skinny myself until just recently. For most of my 20s I hovered around 59-63 kg and Im like 190 cm. So Ive heard the jokes. How I need to eat a sandwich or women telling me they'd break me in half (which is very emasculating btw ladies) or some crap. Other guys frequently compared me to those gray aliens that are tall and lanky with the huge eyes and I wouldnt put it past the women making the same jokes behind my back. So I spent quite a bit of time trying to build up muscle in the gym trying to get huge but my body doesnt hold muscle well. Eventually I just kinda gave up.

I dunno i guess the majority rules. If most people are overweight, then you're going to get singled out for not being that. If most people are skinny, youre gonna get singled out for being overweight. Its stupid to be honest.

Megaten, reading this.. Had me really thinking about how I was with my ex. He is tall and slim, and I'd always tell him that I was going to kill him if I accidentally rolled over on him. I'd sometimes tell him that I know I'd probably break him in half.

We are both tall, but he was very thin. It was never in a way to put him down... At least not intentionally. I would say it in a more self deprecating way. And never in front of people. I only shared my insecurities with him at the time.

I hope I never made him feel bad for that. Sometimes you get so caught up in your own self hatred, you don't see who you are hurting along the way.

I'm sorry that you've been subjected to that, and thank you for bringing that to awareness for me.

 

[nodejesque]

I'm not 130 anymore. Not at all. That was my lowest weight, which was far too low for my height.

I'm bigger now.

My point is that no matter what size, you can't please anyone. Especially when you don't even like yourself.

 

[Psychedelicious]

gjhgjhfdjhf

I've been looking in the mirror way too much lately, it's the worst. I pick apart ever little imperfection and feel grossly insecure after the fact. I don't know if I'd ever feel accepted or okay with myself. The thing is people are always going to make comments for some reason or another, no matter what size/shape you are. It doesn't mean you're imperfect at all. People tell me I'm skinny too sometimes but I look at them like they're crazy, I don't feel thin. I feel like my weight sounds ideal for my height, but it doesn't fit me. My insecurity is more based off how I see myself in the mirror and not what others say. I do notice though that if someone makes a comment about something I otherwise didn't notice too much or care about, I suddenly bring it to the front of my mind and feel insure about it. It sucks to have such low confidence though. I hope you can find a way to feel better about yourself.

 

[planemo]

Re: gjhgjhfdjhf

I've been looking in the mirror way too much lately, it's the worst. I pick apart ever little imperfection and feel grossly insecure after the fact. I don't know if I'd ever feel accepted or okay with myself. The thing is people are always going to make comments for some reason or another, no matter what size/shape you are. It doesn't mean you're imperfect at all. People tell me I'm skinny too sometimes but I look at them like they're crazy, I don't feel thin. I feel like my weight sounds ideal for my height, but it doesn't fit me. My insecurity is more based off how I see myself in the mirror and not what others say. I do notice though that if someone makes a comment about something I otherwise didn't notice too much or care about, I suddenly bring it to the front of my mind and feel insure about it. It sucks to have such low confidence though. I hope you can find a way to feel better about yourself.

We bring negative comments to the front of our minds, to make ourselves realise that here is a possible threat to our already low self worth. We're terrified of it being trampled on further. We obsess as a form of control. We think that if we eliminate the threat, we won't need to worry anymore. Which is ironic since obsessing is worrying in the first place.

Low self esteem is essentially judging yourself harshly and judging yourself only on negative traits. The only way I think to get over bdd, is to eliminate low self esteem. Perhaps we have adopted this way of judging ourselves because we're convinced others judge us this way. The reality is usually quite different.

 

[Megaten]

Megaten, reading this.. Had me really thinking about how I was with my ex. He is tall and slim, and I'd always tell him that I was going to kill him if I accidentally rolled over on him. I'd sometimes tell him that I know I'd probably break him in half.

We are both tall, but he was very thin. It was never in a way to put him down... At least not intentionally. I would say it in a more self deprecating way. And never in front of people. I only shared my insecurities with him at the time.

I hope I never made him feel bad for that. Sometimes you get so caught up in your own self hatred, you don't see who you are hurting along the way.

I'm sorry that you've been subjected to that, and thank you for bringing that to awareness for me.

Oh no probably not. Im talking about women I wasnt in a relationship with and it came up in casual conversation when talking with me. They might have just been joking around, but I took that as rejection. To me it translated as "Youre too weak and tiny to handle me" so it sent me right back to the gym to pump iron. But he was already your boyfriend so that would be odd for him to think that.

 

[Louco]

I don't wear shorts or dresses, because if its not my weight that my mom comments on... Its my skin that everyone points out. I'm way too white.

I LOVE white tall chicks, just saying. :inlove:

 

[mantishugo]

Don't listen to others who make you feel bad about your weight/appearance. You have already got professional advice from your doctor that according to your height your weight is acceptable. Focus on more positive things about yourself.