Being ashamed. (and agoraphobic)

WeirdyMcGee

Well-known member
As a woman with agoraphobia, I've done alot of things I'd be embarrassed to try explaining to someone/anyone, really.

My therapist once asked why I felt embarrassed, since I'd often use that word.
Apart from being embarrassed about hating how I look and about being such a whimp-- I've gone days, weeks, months at times without proper nourishment, without taking a shower, without leaving my bedroom.

I remember one time, I had been in my bed for a few days and I had to pee- but I was too scared to leave my room because I could hear people out in the hallway; so I went in a bottle.
Yes.
I'm ashamed.
I feel pathetic and useless all the time and SO stupid.
I've heard similar stories from some more 'famous' agoraphobics-- and some similar stories from my father who was a hermit in the mountains for 8 years... so I know I'm not alone, but it's embarrassing to talk about.

Does being ashamed ever help you to push yourself to do the things you're afraid of?
Share your stories if you'd like.

I hate to say it... but it rarely does for me.
I just hate myself more and more and don't bother to push myself-- then hate myself even more for not pushing and doing my best.
I'm very critical of myself. I'd like to think I have some amount of pride left but there's probably close to zero in reality. hah.
 

Silatuyok

Well-known member
Today I was too ashamed not to go to my working interview, so I decided to go. I didn't want my bf to think badly of me. So yes, being ashamed helped me to do something I didn't feel like doing.
 

this_portrait

Well-known member
If I feel any kind of embarrassment or shame in regards to opening up more in social situations, that doesn't really push me to overcome my fears. It just makes me retreat back into a the shell I've been trying to get out of in the first place. You're definitely not alone in that regard, and really, I fail to see how shame and embarrassment could motivate anyone to improve themselves. Really, it all boils down to changing your thought patterns from negative to positive, which is easier said than done, I know.
 

DeadmanWalking

Well-known member
Being ashamed has added to the already miserable view I have of myself. I can't approach people because I feel ashamed of myself, then I feel bad, then I don't feel up to approaching another person, then I feel worse, and it's a vicious cycle. I don't ever try my best because I don't want to feel embarrassed and I don't want others to feel ashamed of me when I eventually fail. I'm ashamed of myself, my attraction to women, and my abilities (or lack thereof).

On another note, I think you've got some pride in you Weirdy:). If you didn't, then you wouldn't feel ashamed of yourself..
 

MikeyC

Well-known member
I feel pathetic and useless all the time and SO stupid.
I just hate myself more and more and don't bother to push myself-- then hate myself even more for not pushing and doing my best.
I have no stories at the moment but I am so sorry you feel this way. I like you and that will never change.
 

Bustn Justin

Well-known member
I feel so ashamed of myself that I don't bother trying anymore. I feel that I have to be a different person.

I feel that I need to be this macho dude who is cocky, has a few tattoos, muscular, likes sports, digs rap and rock, be able to get women, be outdoorsy, have guy buddies to hang with, and have a big truck or bike.

I am none of those things and feel until I am that guy I described, my anxiety will never go away.
 

MrJones

Well-known member
I'm agoraphobic as well, I can relate to some things and no, being ashamed doesn't help me push through life. It just makes me feel worse, until the point where nothing seems to be worth doing anymore.

The thing is, what helps me is external help. Online friends have helped me a lot (including you). Maybe you could try that? Maybe it won't work, but you can try.
 

ohheybbyitscorixx

Well-known member
Being ashamed usually just makes me hide in my bed more. I've done the same thing (gone a while without eating/peeing/bathing/everything). And don't feel too bad here....I almost peed in a bucket once in my room because I didn't feel like having a panic attack when I walked out of it. I pretty much locked myself in my room for 2 years except going to the bathroom and eating (sometimes)...and it was at night when everyone slept. I lived in a very dirty room for that whole time...and every time someone would walk in I could break down in tears because I felt so disgusted with myself.





I feel so ashamed of myself that I don't bother trying anymore. I feel that I have to be a different person.

I feel that I need to be this macho dude who is cocky, has a few tattoos, muscular, likes sports, digs rap and rock, be able to get women, be outdoorsy, have guy buddies to hang with, and have a big truck or bike.

I am none of those things and feel until I am that guy I described, my anxiety will never go away.

I do the same thing. I feel a need to be trendy and wear all of this makeup. But then I get manic and my "look of choice" changes. I kind of gave up and wear sweats all of the time and just don't care. Well, I care...but...no motivation...If I could be ANYONE but me, I feel like my anxiety would go away (but probably only for a while..)
 

ohheybbyitscorixx

Well-known member
If I feel any kind of embarrassment or shame in regards to opening up more in social situations, that doesn't really push me to overcome my fears. It just makes me retreat back into a the shell I've been trying to get out of in the first place. You're definitely not alone in that regard, and really, I fail to see how shame and embarrassment could motivate anyone to improve themselves. Really, it all boils down to changing your thought patterns from negative to positive, which is easier said than done, I know.

But..but...negative thoughts are a symptom, not a cause. Changing a symptom won't change the outcome. Well, at least not for everyone. If it helps someone out there, I wish I was them.
 

montejocarlo

Well-known member
Does being ashamed ever help you to push yourself to do the things you're afraid of?

a lot of times. for example, i'm scared of plugging in things to electrical outlets. but in the office, i can't exactly summon people to do things for me, especially not something that simple.

truth is, i can ask for help. but just the thought of approaching someone and tell him/her that i'm scared of connecting appliances to electricity is stressful enough, let alone drag the person to my table and give instructions on what to do with all the wires. so i try my best to do it myself everyday.

another example: i'm scared of roaches. but when i'm with other people, i magically gain enough strength and discipline to stay where i'm sitting and keep the scream inside my throat when a cockroach flies to my direction.
 

hidwell

Well-known member
when a cockroach flies to my direction.[/QUOTE]

That is creepy, I say call the pestman and nuke the roaches ::p:
 
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