Appearing confident when youre not

Megaten

Well-known member
#1
Hey peeps, I've been away for a while but I came across an article that was too interesting to keep to myself. I've had my therapist tell me time and time again to not talk to people with my arms crossed, as it comes off as defensive and makes others uneasy. But I will still do it as I dont know what to do with my hands. Will probably try some of these as I try to get a job. But I never knew that making too much eye contact was a sign of aggression. It would explain why I scare people off so easily from just talking. Hope this is helpful.

How to Fake Being More Confident When You’re Just Not Feeling It
 

chibiXphantom

Well-known member
#2
very informative article.
i have the opposite issue with eye contact, as people always go "Oh my god! Eye contact!" for the rare, brief moments when i do make eye contact. so i think the tip about noticing eye color is helpful
definitely bookmarking this
 

mantishugo

Well-known member
#4
It is a very useful article. I believe that a person who is less confident should try to look confident. It goes like this - Fake it till you make it.
 
#5
Yea I've learned too much eye contact makes people uneasy. Too little and they feel like you're avoiding them. I've learned to make brief eye contact but often. Maybe about 1-2 seconds then look slightly away. Maybe at other people or just something else. But then return to make brief eye contact again. Rinse and repeat.

With the folded arms, it is in fact a defensive posture. It's putting a 'barrier' between you and the next person.
If you find yourself not knowing what to do with your hands, stick em in your pockets and appear relaxed.

One key thing I've learned with my fight against SA, is to focus on what the other person is saying, and picture the things they're saying in your mind - AS THEY'RE SAYING IT. This is what socially successful people (or at least those who seem more comfortable socially) do. You'll become less focused on your own SA as a result. It takes time and practice but it actually does work.
 

mantishugo

Well-known member
#6
Yea I've learned too much eye contact makes people uneasy. Too little and they feel like you're avoiding them. I've learned to make brief eye contact but often. Maybe about 1-2 seconds then look slightly away. Maybe at other people or just something else. But then return to make brief eye contact again. Rinse and repeat.

With the folded arms, it is in fact a defensive posture. It's putting a 'barrier' between you and the next person.
If you find yourself not knowing what to do with your hands, stick em in your pockets and appear relaxed.

One key thing I've learned with my fight against SA, is to focus on what the other person is saying, and picture the things they're saying in your mind - AS THEY'RE SAYING IT. This is what socially successful people (or at least those who seem more comfortable socially) do. You'll become less focused on your own SA as a result. It takes time and practice but it actually does work.
That's a great tip! The main objective is to become less self aware while handling social situations - for gaining confident at the basic level. I want to add that whatever it is that a person is ashamed of (making him less confidence), he should work on it and improve that area which is stopping him face the social situations. Eat healthy food, exercise, wear good clothes, learn talking mannerisms and guess what - you'll come out to be a highly confident guy! :applause:
 
#7
i don't think it is good to "appear" to be anything. you simply must "be" confident. confident in your abilities and your strength. if you do not get the position, congratulate the person who does. it is not so much a competition as it is to find the perfect person for the position. do your best, stand tall and make sure you know what you are doing and do it well. That is CONFIDENCE. not the appearance of same.
 

Megaten

Well-known member
#8
Thats all well and good, but telling a person with a sundry list of mental issues to "just be confident" would be like me telling a homeless person to be rich. If you can find true confidence then you win. But if you're lacking in that department, you can at least try to make life less difficult by not letting the world see that. Confidence is so highly valued in our society that you can literally get shot down out of a lot of things simply because you dont appear confident while someone else did. You might be a more skilled worker but much more apprehensive than the guy that gets that job. Or you might make a better lover, but not get picked over the bolder one.
 

SilentAndShy

Well-known member
#9
One key thing I've learned with my fight against SA, is to focus on what the other person is saying, and picture the things they're saying in your mind - AS THEY'RE SAYING IT. This is what socially successful people (or at least those who seem more comfortable socially) do. You'll become less focused on your own SA as a result. It takes time and practice but it actually does work.
Thanks for this practical tip. It might come in handy for me at work when short-term concentration/memory/understanding of a complex query baffles me at times and I panic and just want the person to go and disappear because I'm struggling. Mainly because I'm more concerned about my two work colleagues in close view, listening to how I'm handling it and me thinking I'm giving the wrong info and they'll have to come and save me!
 
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