Anxiety/Depression

Due to Anxiety I find myself not wanting to associate with other people. I get sick if I am in a group of more than 5 people.
I want to kill myself.
I hate paying child support for my kids. I hate knowing I can't have my kids. They were taking from me because I drank like a fish.
My sister has custody of two of my kids but i feel bad that she has them. My daughter is in foster care and then I have a son at King Daughter's School in columbia.
My boyfriend pays for everything but he says I have to have a job in a year or he's done with me. So now I have to deal with that

Hi and welcome to the forum! I hope your situation improves soon. For your kids' sake, it might be best to quit alcohol and prove that you can be a good mother.

How's your drinking now ? I'm a recovered alcoholic and been sober 7rears now.

I know exactly how you feel about groups, all though I can handle about 10 people.
And trust me when I say I know how suicidal thoughts can be so consuming... I have gotten over some of my problems by understanding why I thought and felt the way I did, and was able to change myself.

If you ever want to just talk to someone, I'm Daniel.