I'm almost 19 years old and a few months ago it was my 4 year anniversary on this site. I'm still a little timid but at this point I think I might be pretty close to average. It's hard to recognize just how much I've improved when change has been so gradual, but recently I've been trying to think back about the times when I was at my worst.
It's a really bitter feeling to remember how horrible I felt. In high school I would be so mentally and even physically exhausted from dealing with being around so many people the entire day.
I remember one time when I was thinking about talking to a counselor about how horrible I felt I felt so stressed, anxious, and uncomfortable even making the trip to the office after school. I remember how I was too afraid to make any friends in high school because I always assumed I was gross and disgusting and no one wanted to be seen around me. I made very few friends and the ones that I did make weren't very close or good friends at all.
I remember rarely ever speaking in school because I was so damn afraid. I was so damn afraid of people. So afraid because I hated myself. I just wanted some friends but I thought no one would like me. I remember how depressing my weekends and vacations would be. I cried so many times in solitude.
I remember how hard to tried to get out of the hole. All the times I challenged myself to make a change,
To stop asking my parents to order food for me and restaurants because I was too afraid
Took a public speaking class and got over my fear of being in front of people.
Accepted my situation and learned to overcome it.
It hurts me so much to see other people my age who never challenged themselves enough to overcome their shyness. Shyness is never a good trait in someone, it's a sign of low confidence and low self esteem. It's not something anyone should just accept as part of their personality. It's not easy but if anyone around my age range needs help feel free to message me, I didn't have social anxiety disorder but if your shy I know what its like. If you hate yourself trust me I know what it's like. There's a way out.
I haven't overcome my situation completely, I still don't have many friends but I'm working on it. Thanks to a bit of *** kicking from death anxiety a few months ago I got my shit together and realized just how important it is to work on my self esteem. Got new clothes and a haircut, started actually shaving more than once every two weeks
, and learned not to be so negative all the time.
Just thought I'd write this thread haha don't take it too seriously, I'm not editing it much