The stupid post about Girlfriends that i made and regret :)

SORRY I CANT STAND READING THIS! IT'S TOO EMBARASSING

I can definitely relate. I want a girlfriend, but I know that I don't socialize enough to make this possible. Whatever you do, don't date someone out of desperation. It's never good to "settle."

Well you can try online dating sites. shypassions.com and nolongerlonely.com are 2 that seem good. Just sign up on them and add me on them and I can help you out with the sites. ericisme is my username. Don't get your hopes up though.

I understand the desire to want a girlfriend, but I do hope you don't at this stage. You should look for a girlfriend when you are stronger and aren't desperate. Really, that is what I have learned. See, I used to get crushes very easily and I really wanted a girlfriend, so I asked this girl out; but instead of accepting me, she started ignoring me, which hurt me greatly. It basically screwed me up for a few months. I seriously could not shake off that feeling of rejection, it just followed me from morning to night and everytime I thought of or was reminded of that girl, I could feel a lot of painful feelings and thoughts of worthlessness. After several months, I just couldn't take all the burden, and the hurt turned to anger and hate. To be honest, I enjoyed the anger because I finally felt that I got the opportunity to turn the pain into anger every chance I got, but thankfully, that soon subsided and I became much more calm.

Now, I really do not feel the need to be in a relationship, even if it is for a long time. I know who I'am, and I found out that there is an unexplainable complexity in relationships that I didn't really like. I mean, what if she accepted me? I would have been so happy! But the thing is, my feelings would have been totally dependent on how she responded and that to me is slavery, not freedom. I need to be able to have freedom, freedom not only to make mistakes, but freedom to do right too. Looking back, the reason all of this happened was because the girl didn't understand me, but more importantly, I didn't understand myself either. What you need is not a girlfriend, but peace; peace from within about yourself. To me, life is not doing this or that, or getting this or that, but life is about always learning because that is the greatest virtue in my opinion.

Now, I really do not feel the need to be in a relationship, even if it is for a long time. I know who I'am, and I found out that there is an unexplainable complexity in relationships that I didn't really like. I mean, what if she accepted me? I would have been so happy! But the thing is, my feelings would have been totally dependent on how she responded and that to me is slavery, not freedom. I need to be able to have freedom, freedom not only to make mistakes, but freedom to do right too. Looking back, the reason all of this happened was because the girl didn't understand me, but more importantly, I didn't understand myself either. What you need is not a girlfriend, but peace; peace from within about yourself. To me, life is not doing this or that, or getting this or that, but life is about always learning because that is the greatest virtue in my opinion.

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beatiful words there.
every guy who feels they need a girlfriend, should read this.

The desire to find a partner is totally understandable.

Over the years I've actually had quite a few girlfriends and have even been married (I am now separated) but I have also spent long periods of time being single. Because of this, I can see both sides.

When I've gotten together with someone it's often been unexpected, not really planned. If you specifically go out "looking for someone" it's quite easy to come across as being a little desperate, which people can find unappealing. You just have to relax, find peace within yourself and try to find some enjoyment and pleasure in your life as it is, as a single person. Along the way you may meet someone who'll want to join you and "come into your world" for want of a better phrase, because you will seem like someone worth getting to know and spending time with.

In the meantime, look after yourself...do plenty of exercise (it helps to look good, but it also helps you feel good too), maybe spend some time working on what clothes and hairstyles suit you (again, looking good makes you feel good too) and find some activities that are likely to bring you into contact with people who share similar interests (even if it's just online at first).

Learn to enjoy life, to like yourself and your world first...the rest will eventually follow!

i'm probably going to regret posting this here next morning!

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OH! shit, (sorry) i just woke up and remembered it, it's so awkward! now i'm going to fight the feeling of avoiding this website because of this sole post... but well, i'll keep my promisse and won't delete the post.

I greatly appreciate all the advice you're giving.

I don't deny i single word of i wrote... but i posted in a moment where i couldn't think of another options... i was that way because all the problems i have are affecting people around me in a way i never thought before, and the fact i totally lack any relationship for my whole life is the main factor.

I also think that it wouldn't be fair to engage any relationship just for the sake of "solving my problems", it would be a totally selfish choice of mine. and will lead for a totally miserable life.

This post even helped me to find out how i can be unstable in a moment of strong emotion, it just proves to me how i'm not able to fight it by myself

Don't take me wrong when i say that, i believe this is totally beyond my control and it's not really helpful simplilly putting this on a forum, i really like to came here and it really helped me to find out about my problems and i really like trying to help people.

please don't stop telling what you think, maybe others with related problems will get some light with this post - and i will feel less embarassed

Why are so much more males shouting for partners than vice verca?

ohh...thats because men are so weak!!

cannotbefound said:

ohh...thats because men are so weak!!

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I will admit I probably am, weaker mentally and emotionally, I hate it. People in a damn chatroom insulting me for no reason can really get to me. It's both because of that and because most men can't live without a partner, the partner is always in control. :lol:

Quote:
i'm probably going to regret posting this here next morning!

I thought that myself with several posts I was gonna make, but I was to scared to post it, so I didn't. I always think what I write is stupid and then I will be a loser\outcast on this forum, which actually it still feels like that. (I have a feeling their is atleast 1 of you agreeing with me)

Kien said:

Why are so much more males shouting for partners than vice verca?

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I was also wondering that....I"m not so sure its because "men are weak" though.

You have to think about it first. Having a girlfriend/boyfriend is not as easy as people think. I think they just like the idea of calling someone girlfriend/bf, and its not only about the hugs and kisses and all that. If you get in a relationship just because you want someone to love you. Sooner or later they're going to leave you, and that's gonna hurt you more. In my opinion, i think until you understand and is content with yourself, you are not ready for a intimate relationship.

Kien said:

Why are so much more males shouting for partners than vice verca?

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<anthropology>
I haven't done a formal survey, but I think you'd find a larger percentage of the females already have partners, or have had one in the past, or at least had interest shown in them. Traditional gender roles have men doing the harder social tasks of initiating interest, asking out on a date, etc. This isn't as true now, but there are enough vestiges of tradition left to make it more probable for a socially anxious woman to be able to date than a socially anxious man.

Given that we've had a few threads from females warning about offensive males on this site, it's also possible that females feel less safe expressing their desire here.
</anthropology>