The one choice you wish you never made

endless8

Member
I moved away from home when I turned 23 to another state and I must say that it was the most productive fun filled five years of my life. My social phobia was almost non-existent and there was a beam of confidence in my eyes most of the time. I met a beautiful gf, had steady income, and just felt great about myself.

I moved back last year to start a restaurant business alongside my parents and It got to be the worst decison of my life. Dont get me wrong, my parents loved me to death and would do anything in the world for me but since coming home i felt like Im no longer in control and I must act a certain way in front because I have this thought in my head that I must be a certain way. To make things worst my gf of four years broke off the relationship after being away from her for a year. My orginal plan was for her to join me after I get the ball rolling but she decided that moving wasnt a option for her and to make matters worst she linked up with her co-worker.

My life is now turned upside down becase I decided to move back. Lost my gf, lost a sizable amount of money, lost my confidence, lost my dream of settling down to start a family. im 28 now and it seems like the end of the world because of one bad decision. Depression has really taken over as I find myself constantly waking up in the middle of the night regretting the one decision I made a year ago. I feel inferior to others and my sa has returned like never before. I am no longer able to feel relaxed or at ease with my surrounding anymore. Any advice on taking back control would be very much appreciated.
 
Hi Endless8,

I guess being human is about making mistakes. After months of unemployment I finally got a decent job only to quit it after four weeks. I've made this mistake before too. But I think my SAD was partially to blame, so I can't or shouldn't be hard on myself. All I can do now is try to learn from my mistake(s) and keep trying to get better.

SAD lies to us all the time. It told me that everyone at my new job was against me. It told me that I wouldn't be able to handle it. Fear got the best of me and prevented me from thinking straight.

I feel I'm in no position to give advice because my life is such a mess. But I can say this: Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) has helped me. It helped go to interviews and get the job. It kinda let me down but I'm going to give it another chance.

I hope we get better soon and life improves for us.
 

endless8

Member
sabbath92001,

Thx a million for taking the time to listen. Is ACT something you can do on your own? I'm considering Dr. Richards CBT audio session but at $400 I'm a bit skeptical.
 

jauggy

Well-known member
Well hopefully your restaurant business turns out well, and you make enough money so that you can move away from your parents. I'd hate to work with my parents. I'd want to be as far away as possible from them.
 
Yeah ACT is something you can try on your own. There are a couple of books out that you can use. Even though we don't have chronic pain (at least not physical) I recommend "Living beyond your pain - using acceptance and commitment therapy to ease chronic pain". It's a little easier to read and understand then the other books. Just substitute social anxiety disorder for pain while reading it. The other books are "Get out of your mind and into your life" and "ACT on life not on anger". These books are cheap, about $20 each at your local Borders or other bookstore.

I paid for and tried Dr. Richards tapes and ended up worse than when I started. It seems that CBT is flawed because it tries to get us to change our thoughts instead of just noticing them like ACT does.

Also there's a free tutorial on relational frame theory (RFT) at
http://www.contextualpsychology.org/rft_tutorial
RFT is the basis of ACT, the tutorial explains how our minds can relate anything to anything else. It's long and full of jargon but I think it's worth the effort.
 

alieno

Member
Im kinda in the same boat myself. I was living in the U.S and everything was going well for me untill my girlfriend of three years broke up with me for another guy she met at her work, then I moved back to Canada where my parents are and it feels like everything is falling apart. I had things going well for me in the U.S as well, I had goals and my life was on tract It's been only 6 months, but I have gotten worse, not better. Coming back to Canada where my old life was has not helped me at all. My SA feels like it's getting worse too. I don't really have any advice to give other than to say I feel like I understand what your going through. Im personally going to try to put myself on the same track that got me to my recent life I had. Try to recreate what I lost, just not to make the same mistakes. Anyways, hope that helps you some what.
 
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