The dreaded weekend

Agent_Violet

Well-known member
I love the weekend...and i hate it.

I deleted the original content of the thread bc i wanted to just use this space to vent stuff...i don't want it to be focused on one topic. kinda dumb but whatever. im just going to type...
 
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I understand how you love and hate the weekends.

For me, I feel the same thing every week. I'm happy it's the weekend and that i'm somewhat free for the next two days, yet i dread it at the same time because i know i'll want to do certain things like attend social events/outings and i'll end up avoiding them, and then regret it later.

In your situation, I think it's good that you want to do the best job you can. I would take things a step at a time and put all your energy/effort into whichever task you are working on. At least you know you will have done your best and hopefully it will give you a sense of accomplishment, instead of a rushed or overwhelmed feeling.

Like you've said before, take things a step at a time and don't over load yourself with tasks. As long as you keep doing things with purpose and what you feel is right, then you have a good chance of feeling good about its.

Hope you guys have a great weekend!
 

razzle dazzle rose

Well-known member
... i dread it at the same time because i know i'll want to do certain things like attend social events/outings and i'll end up avoiding them, and then regret it later.

The weekends suck for me for the same reason. I have nothing to do all week, but the weekend is still the hardest to get through.

Preparing a party is stressful stuff...in the end though your work and effort will pay off 'cause you will have a beautiful party. I have never thrown a party before, but I imagine I would be the same way, wanting everything to be perfect.

You mentioned the whole borderline thing. I have borderline tendencies myself. We do have to remember to cut others some slack. Being aware of the problem is half the work already. We can choose to indulge our borderline behaviors or not. We always have a choice. But you are going to therapy so you don't need me telling you these things. Draining as it is, having a therapist is good. How long have you been going for?

The number of things I have quit over the years...after it always makes me feel terrible. So, I understand how you feel. Sometimes you can only do so much, and it all becomes so overwhelming, so cut yourself some slack too. You are trying. And you will keep trying.

Taking it day by day (moment by moment sometimes!) is certainty the best advice out there. Don't be so hard on yourself (though I know it is hard not to!)
 

Agent_Violet

Well-known member
A huge part of my stress is making the conscious effort to not indulge the borderline tendencies. my SA is a direct result of being borderline...well...a direct result of being so painfully aware of being borderline. It basically frightens me into not interacting at all bc I know I'll hurt people or i'll perceive myself as being hurt by them.

Therapy has been on and off since I was a young teen. I don't find it the most helpful for fixing the issues but it can be helpful in recognizing my triggers.


Thanks for the encouragement :)
 

Agent_Violet

Well-known member
That freakin sucks. I dont like planning or preparing any kind of entertainment or fun time for anyone. I feel like if they dont have a great time its my fault. Hell I dont even like having guest lol. I dunno, I would say dont care what they think but thats easier said than done. Maybe get your man to do half of it so it wont feel like all the responsibility is on you.

I feel the same way. That's what makes this so hard. I feel personally responsible for everyone's good or bad time. AND i dislike having people in my home...i feel so violated having people walk around my personal space like that.

i'm doing this for my husband...i try to do things for him to try to make up for being the way I am. but i can't let him do half of the planning because he doesn't care as much as I do. His mind tells him everyone will have a good time regardless of how much or how little effort he makes...he's lucky like that.
 

Agent_Violet

Well-known member
So i had a phone session with my therapist. it was frustrating. I hold nothing back in therapy bc i want it to actually help me and even if i'm ashamed of the truth i can't hold back.
According to the genius, medication would help me. REALLY? ok so i'm going to put a bandaid on an incurable disorder by pumping myself full of meds that will turn me into a complete zombie who is never hungry and never wants joy, love, sex, or anything that normal people want.

Everytime I've been on meds I get suicidal. Doesn't matter what the meds happen to be, the outcome is the same. I was even on a medication for my insulin resistance and it made me want to kill myself bc it messed with my hormones or something. I went through months and months fantasizing about how i could off myself. I even went as far as to write goodbye letters to my son, my mother,and my husband.

So i stopped taking that. Now genius wants to "try" something else to stabilize my moods.

My husband looks at me (when he's around) like I'm about to crumble into a nervous breakdown at any minute. I feel sorry for him. Living with me is like walking on eggshells even though i try so hard to be even and calm.

he never knows when i'm going to stalk off in a mood. Of course, he isn't really helping himself bc it's almost as though he knows all of my triggers yet constantly plucks at me to set me off.

I've gotten good at just walking away from him.

I think that's what is making me have a social phobia. I can't expect everyone to tip toe around my triggers so I just hide away from people so I don't hurt them and they don't hurt me.

I told my mother the other day I could be a recluse by choice. I'd spend just enough time in public to avoid becomming strange but the rest of the time I'd be home safe.

I may find a new therapist. I don't need one trying to shove meds down my throat. I get that they know more than me about mental health but they DO NOT know my body and how I react to things. I don't want to have my husband come home and find me lying in a pool of my own blood someday just bc some therapist put me on a drug that made me suicidal.

I'm rambling...sorry folks.
 

Blabla..

Well-known member
i totally disagree with the meds for the same reason , the only time i opened myself to a doctor she didn't even listen to me and just gave me a prescription of whatever anxiety meds , i couldn't even finish explaining how i feel because her smiling made me feel like an idiot , i bought the pills , got home , looked it up on google and after reading through all the horror stories i threw them in the garbage bin .
 

Agent_Violet

Well-known member
i usually don't concern myself with the 'possible' problems list bc usually it's so far fetched but seriously, I personally experienced that "suicidal thoughts" one with more than one medication. it was a scary experience that i never want to repeat.
 

WeirdyMcGee

Well-known member
ohhhhh... weekends!
Every day for me seems to blend together-- months fly by; every day the same.
To me it doesn't really matter because I never go anywhere or do anything or hang out with anyone.
A 7 day week - no weekends for me.
Every day might as well be a sunday because I always dread the next day and wish I'd have been more productive.
 

Blabla..

Well-known member
ohhhhh... weekends!
Every day for me seems to blend together-- months fly by; every day the same.
To me it doesn't really matter because I never go anywhere or do anything or hang out with anyone.
A 7 day week - no weekends for me.
Every day might as well be a sunday because I always dread the next day and wish I'd have been more productive.

oh yeah , that's exactly the same for me , every days seem the same ,it's really confusing , time goes by so fast
 

Agent_Violet

Well-known member
I would be sad with that but i also think a part of me would treasure it. I guess it's a case of the grass being greener on the other side.

i'd love to bring my daily routine to a halt and just have all my days blend together...
 

Agent_Violet

Well-known member
ugh my morning has been really sh*tty.

i hate when you're just going along with your day and you're fine and then suddenly you feel like dirt.

eh...could be worse. i mean i did wear my pajamas to work today since we aren't seeing patients today.
 

pop-princess

Well-known member
I get sligtly panicked when the weekend is approaching (like today). I just sit here worried and wonder if any of my friends will ask me out (I hate, hate, hate inviting myself). Always these expectations and musts that you should go out and have a drink.
 

Kiwong

Well-known member
The weekends are my escape from people, which is good. Fortunately I don't have to please anyone but myself. And I get to hang out with Lenny my Pet Cockatiel, and she is probably the most consistent living thing in my life.

On weekends I get to run lots. Sunday morning is my long run, and then I rest. I am too tired to think too much except about a siesta. Weekends when there are local running races on I get apprehensive. I find facing people difficult, particularly anyone who has noticed my anxiety and have responded negatively to me.

My favourite weekends are when I get away on my running adventures. I travel the country and enter funs runs and other races. I've had so many wonderful experiences.

This all changes when I am injured. My stress levels skyrocket, I have more time to think, I drink more caffiene to mask the pain. Caffiene snow balls my worrying thoughts until they are out of control. Injured weekends are the worst.
 

Agent_Violet

Well-known member
I get sligtly panicked when the weekend is approaching (like today). I just sit here worried and wonder if any of my friends will ask me out (I hate, hate, hate inviting myself). Always these expectations and musts that you should go out and have a drink.

i know how you feel..i'm like that so often that i just end up not going out at all unless it's with my husband.

inviting myself feels like i'm breaking into some sacred closed group ...then i feel like they only say yes bc i asked and they don't want to hurt me.:rolleyes:
 

Agent_Violet

Well-known member
The weekends are my escape from people, which is good. Fortunately I don't have to please anyone but myself. And I get to hang out with Lenny my Pet Cockatiel, and she is probably the most consistent living thing in my life.

On weekends I get to run lots. Sunday morning is my long run, and then I rest. I am too tired to think too much except about a siesta. Weekends when there are local running races on I get apprehensive. I find facing people difficult, particularly anyone who has noticed my anxiety and have responded negatively to me.

My favourite weekends are when I get away on my running adventures. I travel the country and enter funs runs and other races. I've had so many wonderful experiences.

This all changes when I am injured. My stress levels skyrocket, I have more time to think, I drink more caffiene to mask the pain. Caffiene snow balls my worrying thoughts until they are out of control. Injured weekends are the worst.

I love that you have running:) i wish i liked to run.
 

Agent_Violet

Well-known member
my thought for the moment... not original thought, i borrowed it from a really pretty song that a famous chick wrote.

Oh these little rejections how they add up quickly
One small sideways look and I feel so ungood
Somewhere along the way I think I gave you the power to make
Me feel the way I thought only my father could
Oh these little rejections how they seem so real to me
One forgotten birthday I'm all but cooked
How these little abandonments seem to sting so easily
I'm 13 again am I 13 for good?
I can feel so unsexy for someone so beautiful
So unloved for someone so fine
I can feel so boring for someone so interesting
So ignorant for someone of sound mind
Oh these little protections how they fail to serve me
One forgotten phone call and I'm deflated
Oh these little defenses how they fail to comfort me
Your hand pulling away and I'm devastated
When will you stop leaving baby?
When will I stop deserting baby?
When will I start staying with myself?
Oh these little projections how they keep springing from me
I jump my ship as I take it personally
Oh these little rejections how they disappear quickly
The moment I decide not to abandon me
 

Piece_By_Piece

Well-known member
I used to worry about what I would do during the weekend, for I usually have got nothing to do. Now I don't worry about it that much anymore. I have a 0% interest in going out drinking with anyone whatsoever (not that I even got the chance to). That's pretty much what people of my age do during weekends anyway. So I'm not left with much choices but to be alone. Doesn't bother me though, since I'm often so exhausted after the school week that I just need to be alone and rest.

This weekend I get to be all alone at home, because my mom went somewhere for the whole weekend. She usually doesn't leave the house that much, so I'm relieved that now she did and left me alone. And I really need to be alone now.
 

Dead_on_Arrival

Well-known member
my thought for the moment... not original thought, i borrowed it from a really pretty song that a famous chick wrote.

Oh these little rejections how they add up quickly
One small sideways look and I feel so ungood
Somewhere along the way I think I gave you the power to make
Me feel the way I thought only my father could
Oh these little rejections how they seem so real to me
One forgotten birthday I'm all but cooked
How these little abandonments seem to sting so easily
I'm 13 again am I 13 for good?
I can feel so unsexy for someone so beautiful
So unloved for someone so fine
I can feel so boring for someone so interesting
So ignorant for someone of sound mind
Oh these little protections how they fail to serve me
One forgotten phone call and I'm deflated
Oh these little defenses how they fail to comfort me
Your hand pulling away and I'm devastated
When will you stop leaving baby?
When will I stop deserting baby?
When will I start staying with myself?
Oh these little projections how they keep springing from me
I jump my ship as I take it personally
Oh these little rejections how they disappear quickly
The moment I decide not to abandon me

Beautifuly powerful and emotive.
I can see how you relate to these words. Focus on the last two lines.
 

Agent_Violet

Well-known member
Well i am going to have a good weekend. I have my son this weekend. and i'm taking him to see a movie tonight just the two of us. i will probably be bored to tears since we don't have the same taste in movies but it'll be ok. *yawn*---i just wish i could stop doing that.

We went to the toy store the other day and bought the angry birds game...yeah they have an actual real life game for that. it looks like so much fun i can't wait to play it with him:D And we're going to play spongebob monopoly...which,i love monopoly so that'll be fun too.

i'm going to try to talk him into eating sushi with me after i pick him up from school. he tried it once and seemed to like it then he just changed his mind about it suddenly. it was weird. i'm gonna work on him though!

then tomorrow, my husband has to take his daughter to dance class so the boy and I will be flying solo again. he'll want to sit inside playing videogames and i'll have to torture him by making him go outside with me to play with the dogs or go for a walk.

*yawn*---see? i can't stop doing that.
 
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