Such a sh-tty and depressing life - uncertain career - some times want to end life

Right now, I am 33 y.o., just started my second career last year in September.

I am happy to have a full-time job, and the pay is okay. I also like the facility that I work at, as "most" of the employees or co-workers are nice people to be around (except for certain departments that have a-holes who try to bully me)

However, if I do end up getting married and having children, my hospital tech/aide job is not enough to pay for the bills or even entice my GF to stay with me.

My main overall concern is getting admitted to a new graduate RN program within my hospital or heck, getting any experience I can to work in this field.

I find that there is a lot of reverse sexism in my profession when it comes to the hiring process.

I know of plenty of females who graduated in my class who are working as on-call RNs at a hospital, or heck, even got hired for RN positions WITHOUT EXPERIENCE. Life is just not fair!!!
Sorry fellow SPW sisters, I hope to not sound misogynistic, but it sucks when I have invested a lot of money and time into my education, only to be working as a tech, where my classmates, some of them previous friends, who are working and getting paid a higher wage. Some of the so-called "friends" no longer call me back or respond to my text messages when I ask them about jobs within their facilities.

My life is miserable as I don't know whether I will get admitted to the training program or not. There is a lot of gossip and sh-t-talking that gets to the manager level about aides' performance. I don't think I rank at the top nor do I have good job work reputation. At least that's the paranoia that I have when I am at work. There is also a very biased panel of managers at my facility who makes the decision of whom they select into the nursing training program. I have known a lot of great/excellent aides/techs who were not selected after applying to the program numerous times, and having to end up moving to another city to find work. Sooooo sad. I even heard a manager scream at an aide, telling her to resign from the job. That sucks. :crying:

For me, outside of my job within the hospital, I manage my parents' rental property. Just today, my mother argued with our tenants, which makes things even more complicated, as they got upset that my mother has decided to charge them a late fee for paying rent late. Not only do they hate my mom, but I also get the vibe that they hate me too.

My parents also tend to argue a lot, and my mom is very distrustful of my dad. This has set a very crappy home environment for me to live in. I also hardly speak to my dad. I speak more to mommy, but some times, she's soooo damn annoying and critical of my life and how I am not successful, which gets on my nerve.

I just wish that I had enough money to move the f--k out of my parents' home....but cannot, because I don't have enough income to do so. :kickingmyself:

My sister has left the house long time ago, and has gotten married. She lives in L.A. and has her own, soon-to-be, two-year-old son, and will soon be purchasing their own home within one month. She is working in the Air Force as a captain. Lucky her, and lucky how life played out in a good way for her. Lucky.

For me, I don't have a sweet heart, feeling lonely, ostracized and feel like shit at work, and very uncertain about how my future career will play out.

I have lots of student debt from my nursing school education. If I don't get admitted to the training program, and don't successfully find an RN job, I may have to commit suicide. I can't afford to have Navient, Nelnet keep forcing me to pay sooooo much monthly payment for my student loan.

Plus there were some "friends" whom I used to keep in touch with, somehow, they all of a sudden stop responding to my text message.

Or "oh, I am busy, cannot meet up for lunch." Seriously? One of them is named John B. I am sure he has time to meet up. But nope, after leaving several voicemails on his cell phone, and sending him text messages, he did not bother to respond to any of my messages.

Oh well, add more fuel to the depression that I already am suffering from. :crying::crying:
 

gustavofring

Well-known member
Hi LonelyNomad.

My career is also down the drain. I have amassed huge debts, student loans and otherwise. I'm soon going into some sort of program to pay off my debts in 3 years, where a legal guardian has control over my finances. It's not a pretty foresight.

My dream career is also in shatters. I did a study in visual media, but I've had a long running depression and fatigue that made me abandon it. I am in doubt whether to continue or to pursue another career that depends less on creativity, which I unfortunately can't seem to harness/cultivate very well. My financial situation is giving me too much stress to focus on my creative portfolio.
A lot of my former classmates are doing quite well, which makes me feel like a loser. Former study mates I also lost contact with because I'm too embarrassed about my situation. This causes a lot of loneliness and isolation. I don't have a girlfriend either, and my current situation isn't exactly inviting for girls probably so I 'm not even thinking about getting into a relationship until my life is back on track again somewhat.

On top of that I am unemployed currently, the room I rent is falling apart, my laptop broke down so I'm on an old XP computer, and so many things just overwhelm me and I feel like crap. I have practically no money to do anything fun or get some stress release. I've done menial work the past couple of years, and the thought of taking on another such job to make ends meet depresses me endlessly. Also I hate the horrible process of finding a job (job interviews and such). Even for crappy menial jobs there's too many applicants and they're playing very hard to get. I hope I will eventually be able to find a decent menial job and that the guardian takes control over my finances and keeps the debt sharks at bay, so I can find some degree of inner peace to work on other things in my downtime. This fleeting thought is the only thing I can cling on to right now, but believe me, many times I've wished I could just vanish into thin air. My mind often just retreats to cloud cuckoo escapism land probably as a defense mechanism, but I need to work more on less running away from, and more facing my problems and creating discipline. It's the only way things will improve.

I hope you find the strength and I'm sure things will get better even though they seem bleak now. Just know you're not alone!
 
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Megaten

Well-known member
Oh man, this was a while ago. I hope you're having better luck with that training course. I had considered going into nursing myself as I cant seem to get a job with my biology degree. At least not without doing some serious relocating. But Im afraid Im a bit too cold hearted for the nursing business, so I have to figure out what Im gonna do with my life so I can get my ish together and be less dependant on my folks. If its any consolation youre not the only one. Being social anxious makes it difficult to network and networking seems to be the name of the game right now. Theres a LOT of competition and its hard to make yourself stand out. These two guys I graduated with got a good paying job at a place Ive tried to get into myself but failed. On top of that I cant get in contact with them since they dont read their blasted messages. -_-

I just get the impression that a lot of people will just wash their hands of dudes like us if they see us floundering too much.
 
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