Social Anxiety= Self Centred?

I'd like to make it clear that I do not judge people it that way. My own personal opinion is that socially anxious people are NOT self centred. I was told by someone that social anxiety is selfish and so decided to put the question up here. (Maybe I should have made that clear to start with XD)

as for being shy and reserved, in my experience being quiet and not participating has led people to believe I'm snobbish, arrogant and self-centred because the symtoms are so similar. You kinda get labled as ignorant if you don't make eye contact with people etc. But I know that's not the case its just that that's how it looks to an outsider. People were very surprised when they relised that the reason I was quiet and reserved wasn't because I was a snob but because I was very shy!

aNOTfox said:

as for being shy and reserved, in my experience being quiet and not participating has led people to believe I'm snobbish, arrogant and self-centred because the symtoms are so similar. You kinda get labled as ignorant if you don't make eye contact with people etc. But I know that's not the case its just that that's how it looks to an outsider. People were very surprised when they relised that the reason I was quiet and reserved wasn't because I was a snob but because I was very shy!

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Really? That's weird because arrogant, snobbish people are the ones who talk a lot and try to dominate over others. When I see quiet, withdrawn people, I tend to think they are shy, have a bad day, or maybe have some mental disorders (i.e. depression, autism, etc). I've met arrogant, holier-than-thou people before, and they certainly are far from being quiet and reserved; rather, they are the ones who are not afraid to bully others.

aNOTfox said:

I'd like to make it clear that I do not judge people it that way. My own personal opinion is that socially anxious people are NOT self centred. I was told by someone that social anxiety is selfish and so decided to put the question up here. (Maybe I should have made that clear to start with XD)

as for being shy and reserved, in my experience being quiet and not participating has led people to believe I'm snobbish, arrogant and self-centred because the symtoms are so similar. You kinda get labled as ignorant if you don't make eye contact with people etc. But I know that's not the case its just that that's how it looks to an outsider. People were very surprised when they relised that the reason I was quiet and reserved wasn't because I was a snob but because I was very shy!

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I just think everyone thinks differently and what is thought of and defined by them can be thought of and defined by someone else in a different manner, never exactly the same. Just look at Bill Clinton, he told the entire country that oral-sex is not sex! I happen to disagree w/him whole-heartedly!! (I mean why end it in the word "sex" if its not some kind of sex?!) Of course he had his own dirty reasons though.

I've had a lot of those same labels placed on me. Or being narcissistic because I'm self conscious and look in mirrors, it becomes assumed I must love what I see. But to me, the only people who would place those labels are the unempathetic or the ignorant. I suspect whoever said it was selfish also falls into one those categories.

I think you should judge every person as an INDIVIDUAL and not making default statements like "every person who has SA is selfish", it´s similar as if you said "every person of XY race is an idiot" etc. Just don´t make generalizations, if you care take the time and effort to find out about everyone in depth, don´t make shallow statements.

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JackOfSpades said:

I've had a lot of those same labels placed on me. Or being narcissistic because I'm self conscious and look in mirrors, it becomes assumed I must love what I see. But to me, the only people who would place those labels are the unempathetic or the ignorant. I suspect whoever said it was selfish also falls into one those categories.

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Yes I agree. And I get the "narcissistic mirrors" thing a lot too

I have a rule, unless someone is behaving in a hurtful way toward you personally, there is no need to criticise him.

Lea said:

I think you should judge every person as an INDIVIDUAL and not making default statements like "every person who has SA is selfish", it´s similar as if you said "every person of XY race is an idiot" etc. Just don´t make generalizations, if you care take the time and effort to find out about everyone in depth, don´t make shallow statements.

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The statement is no reflection of my own opinions. I agree its shallow, it was something somebody said to me which I took offence at. I wanted to get others opinions on the matter as it got me thinking "am I selfish?"

Raichel said:

I agree the title is somewhat provoking.

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Only if you disregard the question mark. Which a lot of people seem to have done

aNOTfox said:

as for being shy and reserved, in my experience being quiet and not participating has led people to believe I'm snobbish, arrogant and self-centred because the symtoms are so similar. You kinda get labled as ignorant if you don't make eye contact with people etc. But I know that's not the case its just that that's how it looks to an outsider. People were very surprised when they relised that the reason I was quiet and reserved wasn't because I was a snob but because I was very shy!

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I am regarded this way by others as well.
When I first started the job I'm at several years ago, one of the cashiers called me an ***hole under her breath when I didn't make eye-contact with her! And I get SO MUCH of these "What a d***." looks from women while walking down the street if I don't make/hold eye-contact and (I guess) smile at the same time. But I'm slowly getting a hang of the mechanics of non-verbal communication.

But, we always get judged by other people no matter what we do or who we are, normal, phobic, etc etc etc. It's true that "what other people think of you is none of your business", but on the flip, reading body-language is human nature and many of us (all?) give it off wrong because of this damn anxiety.
And a lot of potential friends, lovers, etc are being "rejected" by us the longer we go w/o learning to conquer the SAD.


As for the original question, I think we're very self-centered in the view that as anxiety sufferers we're constantly judging ourselves through the perceived perceptions of everyone around us at any given moment, and then at the same time being very self-aware of all of our actions, our appearance, what we say and so on.

And I think there's more "my problem" posts more than "my solution" posts mainly because once people start to find themselves getting better, they wean away from these forums since the need to be here is less necessary as progress is made. I'm guilty of this myself, as since I've been learning to like myself the anxiety has been eroding like crazy and I'm using my own techniques to make myself better, I've been coming back to the site less and less.
It'd be like hanging around the hospital after you're better so you can give medical references to incoming patients .

Hastings & Main said:

And I think there's more "my problem" posts more than "my solution" posts mainly because once people start to find themselves getting better, they wean away from these forums since the need to be here is less necessary as progress is made. I'm guilty of this myself, as since I've been learning to like myself the anxiety has been eroding like crazy and I'm using my own techniques to make myself better, I've been coming back to the site less and less.
It'd be like hanging around the hospital after you're better so you can give medical references to incoming patients .

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Good point, never thought of it that way but yes, I agree

aNOTfox said:

Just wanted to get peoples opinions on this subject. Do you think that people with social anxiety are self-obsessed/selfish? I couldn't help but notice that on this website (and others) theres a lot of I, I, I, me, me, pity me and people ranting rather than supporting/helping others. I myself am often told that I have social anxiety because I'm "too self-absorbed" and I just wondered if anyone is made to feel the same by others.

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The reason people use I/me a lot is because it's a place for people to state their situation, see if anyone else is going through the same thing and if they can give any advice. Any form of self-help forum will be like that.

I just come across as self-centred as I don't have anyone else to care about apart from my family, which I don't live with during the week. In fact, I feel inferior to everyone else, that's my main problem. Working on bumping up my ego a bit and being a little more confident.

self-conscious

is a good one.

I don't want to be selfish, but others who are, have made me that for the long term. Being rejected means others have a very tight restrictive, low-tolerant policy. I'm the opposite. No job, partner, family, income is a situation I try to handle, but there's little chance of loving all strangers

With my GP or psychologist, I go on all about me and my concerns, naturally. I speak too much. I like such people cos they're intelligent, like me. They listen. Nobody else listens. The self-centred factor is important. I understand it fully, but communicating with normals who don't has a basic grasp of the universe and physics makes me feel superior. Normals base their life around smiling, giggling and bursting out laughing after every sentence. I am not pessimistic. I am realistic. I see truth in everything physical (not verbally) Our worlds collide

yep I tend more and more to be selfish. and that's really good to me

I have suspicions that certain people are testing me and frankly, I'm tired of it. They're putting me in situations that I don't want to be in, and they're watching to see how I react and then after I react, they form their own judgements and conclusions about me. I'm tired of this. I don't want them interfering in my life anymore. Honestly, sometimes I saw right through their schemes but I just acted the opposite of how I would react just to piss them off. They think they can play with my life like I'm a puppet to them, but I've had enough. I'm not gonna even try for them. Real change has to come from within, not without.

jaim38 said:

I have suspicions that certain people are testing me and frankly, I'm tired of it. They're putting me in situations that I don't want to be in, and they're watching to see how I react and then after I react, they form their own judgements and conclusions about me. I'm tired of this. I don't want them interfering in my life anymore. Honestly, sometimes I saw right through their schemes but I just acted the opposite of how I would react just to piss them off. They think they can play with my life like I'm a puppet to them, but I've had enough. I'm not gonna even try for them. Real change has to come from within, not without.

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Good message I feel the sameway all the time. That what make SA hard who know and understand who we are.

well if you actually think about it, us SA sufferes put ourselves inferior to others, we feel worthless so how on earth is that selffish? As far as I'm concerned, we are more humble like becasue we don't mess with anyone and we just quiet!

i think i have a HUGE ego, sometimes i think that i just argue about my problems to other people so they can make compliments and raise my ego! idk i think i'm too selfish, i like to help people and ear about their problems but maybe its because this makes me feel better than them. ;/
i'm a good person, but this feelings are uncontrollable

Isn't selfishness the only way to be happy?