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Old 11-05-2012
 

Just wanted to get peoples opinions on this subject. Do you think that people with social anxiety are self-obsessed/selfish? I couldn't help but notice that on this website (and others) theres a lot of I, I, I, me, me, pity me and people ranting rather than supporting/helping others. I myself am often told that I have social anxiety because I'm "too self-absorbed" and I just wondered if anyone is made to feel the same by others.
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Old 11-05-2012
 

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Raichel is offline  
Old 11-05-2012
 

Wait! Don't get me wrong I'm not saying that everyone whines nor that there's anything wrong with it! I I know there are many compassionate people on here too! I was just wondering if anyone gets labelled as selfish in their life. Maybe I didn't phrase it right...
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Old 11-05-2012
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In a way, I do think so, yes. But not necessarily because of selfishness or ego (which are the two I find most annoying about traditional self centredness).

To give an exaggerated example, someone whom crashes his/her into a fence and breaks his/her leg, is naturally going to be more concerned with him/herself rather then the person whom has to fix that fence. In this scenario the person in question is being self centred, but for self maintenance reasons.

I think that in a less severe way, that's what happens here too. People feel trapped and cornered by fear, triggering their self defence instinct. What is fear/anxiety if not that? And perhaps after a while of being here, it unconsciously turns into a habit to focus on one's self.

And of course, many people with social anxiety live life quite isolated. On a general day they might not need to invest that much time into others, making general social behaviour an alien thing to them. Frustration in combination with the power to finally express themselves on a open forum (literally) might not be the best motivation to inspire proper social behaviour.

It begs the question, how much venting is harmful to your progress? And is it perhaps beneficial to sometimes, forcefully, invest some time into other members.
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Old 11-05-2012
 

Yes, I agree, more time should be spent helping eachother. Your point about it being more self-defence was interesting, I've never thought of it like that but I definitely agree.
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Old 11-05-2012
Lea
 

It is by far not this easy, it seems to me like throwing all the people in one sack. There is a myriad of unique personalities and each of them requires thorough individual evaluation. Not all introverted people are selfish, on the contrary they are intelligent, sensitive and thoughtful. Some of them just write their stuff but don´t interact much by showing compassion and support but I´d never thought they were "worse" than those who do. I know how it is because I am one of those types who aren´t touchy-feely, or are reserved or shy in showing emotion. Which doesn´t mean we don´t care or observe others carefully. That´s why I think this judgement was quite shallow. Btw, I even find some people with preacher mentalities annoying, who seem to think they are the only ones who know the truth and how to fix things for everyone. I think they should first look into how to help themselves instead of how to help people around them. Because "help" might sometimes also be some masked need of the ego.
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Old 11-05-2012
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Quote:
Originally Posted by aNOTfox View Post
Just wanted to get peoples opinions on this subject. Do you think that people with social anxiety are self-obsessed/selfish? I couldn't help but notice that on this website (and others) theres a lot of I, I, I, me, me, pity me and people ranting rather than supporting/helping others. I myself am often told that I have social anxiety because I'm "too self-absorbed" and I just wondered if anyone is made to feel the same by others.
Ironically, it really is a self-absorbed mentality. That's one thing that I kept telling myself when I first started exposure exercises. What makes me think I'm so important that I instantly command everyone's attention, that everyone is watching and judging me? The idea is a bit ludicrous, when you stop and think about it.
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Old 11-05-2012
 

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Old 11-05-2012
 

How can you suffer from SA and not be self-centered?, it's the whole point of the illness, you have this distorted view of reality that makes you feel like everyone is constantly judging you and that you're the center of (negative) attention even when there's no rational reason for believing that.
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Old 11-05-2012
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Quote:
Originally Posted by aNOTfox View Post
Just wanted to get peoples opinions on this subject. Do you think that people with social anxiety are self-obsessed/selfish? I couldn't help but notice that on this website (and others) theres a lot of I, I, I, me, me, pity me and people ranting rather than supporting/helping others. I myself am often told that I have social anxiety because I'm "too self-absorbed" and I just wondered if anyone is made to feel the same by others.
What a ridiculous assumption. I give EVERYTHING I have to those I love. I spend more on trying to make other peoples lives happy because that's the only thing that still makes me smile, to see the smile on their faces that I caused. I could eat steak and shrimp every night, but I eat pasta and cheap foods so I can save money to give others what my condition keeps me from enjoying myself. All I do is pay my bills and the rest goes to making others happy. I pity myself? Not on your life. I'm a good person and I pity those who look at me like I have the problem. I am about the most responsible and giving person one can meet, so to even insinuate that, I personally take it as an insult. Maybe others here are like you describe, but I take offense being thrown into the same boat. I am different and I am proud of it. It just hurts that everyone else isn't like me.

Most self-centered people I see would never have SA because they don't give a crap how they are in front of others, nor do they care about anything but themselves and will walk on top of everyone else to get there, without so much as breaking a sweat.

Had you meant "self-conscious", that's another story, I am completely self-conscious.
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Old 11-05-2012
 

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Originally Posted by Steppen-Wolf View Post
How can you suffer from SA and not be self-centered?, it's the whole point of the illness, you have this distorted view of reality that makes you feel like everyone is constantly judging you and that you're the center of (negative) attention
I agree. I feel worthless to society. When I go out, I feel like people don't like me or will come to dislike me once they get to know me. I would say, SA makes me more self-conscious, not self-centered. Many times, it also makes me become very paranoid about my surroundings.
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Old 11-05-2012
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Originally Posted by Ruditchka View Post
What a ridiculous assumption. I give EVERYTHING I have to those I love. I spend more on trying to make other peoples lives happy because that's the only thing that still makes me smile, to see the smile on their faces that I caused. I could eat steak and shrimp every night, but I eat pasta and cheap foods so I can save money to give others what my condition keeps me from enjoying myself. All I do is pay my bills and the rest goes to making others happy. I pity myself? Not on your life. I'm a good person and I pity those who look at me like I have the problem. I am about the most responsible and giving person one can meet, so to even insinuate that, I personally take it as an insult. Maybe others here are like you describe, but I take offense being thrown into the same boat. I am different and I am proud of it. It just hurts that everyone else isn't like me.

Most self-centered people I see would never have SA because they don't give a crap how they are in front of others, nor do they care about anything but themselves and will walk on top of everyone else to get there, without so much as breaking a sweat.

Had you meant "self-conscious", that's another story, I am completely self-conscious.
Note that ''self centred'' needn't mean a bad, selfish person, whom only cares about him/herself in the OP's context. It merely means focusing on one's self and the personal problems involved, and as a result of that doesn't engage in other people's problem (unintentionally). Which, when problems are substantial enough, is a natural response.

I'd say fear of your fellow human is a big enough problem for such a response. I wouldn't call that a bad person persé, more mentally occupied rather.
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Old 11-05-2012
Lea
 

Quote:
Originally Posted by Steppen-Wolf View Post
How can you suffer from SA and not be self-centered?, it's the whole point of the illness, you have this distorted view of reality that makes you feel like everyone is constantly judging you and that you're the center of (negative) attention even when there's no rational reason for believing that.
You just speak for yourself, not for anyone else you know nothing of. This is just becoming tiring.
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Old 11-05-2012
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Quote:
Originally Posted by BlackPuma View Post
Note that ''self centred'' needn't mean a bad, selfish person, whom only cares about him/herself in the OP's context. It merely means focusing on one's self and the personal problems involved, and as a result of that doesn't engage in other people's problem (unintentionally). Which, when problems are substantial enough, is a natural response.

I'd say fear of your fellow human is a big enough problem for such a response. I wouldn't call that a bad person persé, more mentally occupied rather.

self–cen·tered
adjective \-ˈsen-tərd\

Definition of SELF-CENTERED


1 : independent of outside force or influence : self-sufficient


2 : concerned solely with one's own desires, needs, or interests

Number one, being self-sufficient" doesn't relate to the question, and definition two does.

I'd agree with myself being independent of outside force or influence, but being concerned solely w/my own desires, needs , or interests, is not me nor how I think. I put myself last, never first. I believe they meant to say self-concious because I have more than just SA problems, and being self-centered is one of the few problems I don't have!
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Old 11-05-2012
 

I purposefully stated self-CENTRED as this would tend to be the view of an outsider or "society".
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Old 11-05-2012
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Originally Posted by aNOTfox View Post
I purposefully stated self-CENTRED as this would tend to be the view of an outsider or "society".
I don't look at shy or distant people as self-centered. How could you even judge that unless you know a person? You can tell if they are self-conscious about themselves by their external actions, but to say someone is self-centered, you'd have to actually know them. Society can call me whatever they want, but I know better and really could care less what anyone thinks. Wouldn't change myself for the world. Does that make me self-centered because I don't care what others think of me? Not at all!
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Old 11-05-2012
 

You've missed the point. This is not a personal attack.
People DO prejudge people, automatically, even if they don't know the person. When the symtoms of social anxiety are described to a "regular guy" most (and NOT ALL) people will instantly judge them as self-centred, which is wrong I know!
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Old 11-05-2012
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Originally Posted by aNOTfox View Post
You've missed the point. This is not a personal attack.
People DO prejudge people, automatically, even if they don't know the person. When the symtoms of social anxiety are described to a "regular guy" most (and NOT ALL) people will instantly judge them as self-centred, which is wrong I know!
I understand, and I'm not taking it personally, but how can someone look at a person that is shy, withdrawn, unsociable, or not "participating" as self-centered"? It makes absolutely no sense what-so-ever to me. I'd judge them as shy, withdrawn, unsociable, or whatever else, but self-centered would not be on the list. I guess we just judge people differently, that's all.
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Old 11-05-2012
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I think you're making generalizations that aren't correct. Being self-aware doesn't have to come at the expense of being highly aware of everyone ELSE and what they feel. And for the socially anxious, I don't think it tends to. I think there's more hypersensitivity, than lack of it. And I think there's evidence that suggests high amounts of perception among SA.
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Old 11-05-2012
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Originally Posted by JackOfSpades View Post
I think you're making generalizations that aren't correct. Being self-aware doesn't have to come at the expense of being highly aware of everyone ELSE and what they feel. And for the socially anxious, I don't think it tends to. I think there's more hypersensitivity, than lack of it. And I think there's evidence that suggests high amounts of perception among SA.
I'll agree with that!
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