Social anxiety - just with dating

Shakey

Member
Hi all, my first post here. I need to talk to some people who can offer some advice! I'll give you a bit of a background.

I'm 25, female, have had OCD and panic attacks since I was 13. They are mostly under control now (I take SSRIs and have worked lots on my thoughts etc). I get a bit nervous meeting new people, but I wouldn't call it social anxiety. HOWEVER... when it comes to dating, I am a nervous wreck! I have had a few dates (probably with 6 or so guys) since I was in my late teens, but I usually get to the second date with a guy and can't stand feeling so nervous any more, so I give up and tell him I'm not interested. The longest relationship I had was 2 months, and I was anxious the entire time. By anxious, I mean I will have panic attacks for several days before the date, usually during the date as well.

Now though, I have met a guy through mutual friends and we have been friends for a few months. I really like him, and he asked me out a few weeks ago. After the first date I told him that I was terribly nervous about dating, and he seemed okay with it. According to our friends, he hasn't dated much either. Anyway, we went on a second date the other night, even held hands (yeah, I know, it sounds really pathetic, but holding hands is a big step for me!). I was fine until we walked to my car - I was so nervous about him kissing me (which he didn't end up doing - we've kissed on the cheek, but that's it). The 2 guys I have kissed have both been awful, and now I'm really scared that kissing isn't all its cracked up to be and it's going to be awful with this new guy too. I think that's what might be making me so nervous. I know I should just kiss him and get it over with and finally feel like I can start relaxing.

I guess I just want to feel around him the way I do around my friends - comfortable and affectionate.

How can I stop the panic attacks from coming on dates?! I even told him I had them and I'm still nervous! But maybe he's nervous too - when he hugs me it feels like he's shaking a bit!

Can anyone help me turn my feeling of hating going on dates around?!
 

Caseums21

Well-known member
I wish I knew how to help but sorry I don't. I'm a 23 year old female and I also get really nervous on dates. I always make excuses not the see them anymore. It's a horrible feeling but you're definitely not alone.

I did go on one date (my last date) and wasn't nervous. I just kept taking deep breaths and told myself that there's no reason to be nervous. I thought of things that made me happy and didn't think about having an attack. So just try to think of anything else that makes you calm.

Sorry I can't help but keep us posted on your dates or anything else. Also, remember that the guys are nervous too. Not just you.
 
Top