Brexin
Member
Hello everyone. So im just trying to get some honest opinions on what i should do with my wife. We have talking about divorce but im not sure thats what i want. This is a long story, and i hope some of you will please endure it so i can get the best possible opinions.
So the story begins back in january 2009. I met my (future at the time) wife. She already had 1 failed marriage and a son from that marriage. We both were in the military and shared a few common friends. We fell madly in Love, I could go on all day about how much we loved each other and couldn't be away from each other for a second. We got married july of 2009. She was pregnant at the time and things were still going good. My wife and I after 7 months together were still madly in Love and things couldn't have been better. Around September of 09, i started to get very depressed. I had a very bad experience while deployed in 2007, when my truck hit and IED and killed 2 of my guys, including my best friend, and removing a leg from my squad leader. I have had many problems over the years dealing with these issues, but it didnt bother me until late 2009.
Lets just say, things started going very bad in my marriage. My wife did everything she could to keep me happy, and nothing worked. I lost my sex drive and blamed her gaining baby weight as the problem for that :: ... My wife, despite all of this stuck it out with me and continued to try and make me happy. I got out of the army in December of 09 after 3 years of service. From that point on, i was the "stay at home parent". 2010 was the worst year,,, i had giving up in my marriage and stopped trying, i quit giving her much attention and spent most of my time on the computer... Plain put, I was the worst husband ever ::
Things started to get better in 2011, but we still had issues because of the year before. We talked divorce once during that time and i almost had to buy a plane ticket back to my home state... We worked things out, though i still wasn't much better then before, to where we would keep working things out.
This is where the story gets bad... My wife deployed to Afghanistan on June 20th, 2011. The first 2 weeks she was gone, she was skype calling me everyday all day long. At the time i had just my son with me, My oldest was with his biological dad's for the summertime. I told her that she was calling to much because i had a life here I needed to manage. This kind of ticked her off but i felt it was necessary. Things were really good once she only called a few hours every other day.. I was happy and so was she. At the end of the summer, I received our oldest son back from his dads house. After that, i was really highly stressed all the time. I found it difficult to raise 2 kids by myself (Oldest was 4 yrs, and the other at the time 16 months old). I got super annoyed when she would call because i was so stressed all the time and tired. I told her that she annoyed me everytime she called. We stopped talking almost all together for the rest of the deployment.
On January 7th, 2012... She asked me over facebook if i wanted a divorce. I told her yes i did. I wasnt sure that i did, but after being so far apart and not talking much i didnt feel loved myself, let alone how she felt. When she got home, The moment i seen her get off the plane. I knew i made the biggest mistake of my life! All those feelings of love came back, and she still had feelings for me aswell.. So whats the issue here you ask?
She was very suspicious when she came home. She was angry at me for wanting to work things out now that she was home, but i didnt support her when she needed it the most. She kept a lock on her phone and computer (which never happened pre-deployment). This bothered me and she told me that it was non of my business what she was texting other people. The first weekend after she came home, she was going to the Bar to get drunk with her unit. I was the babysitter for this night and wasnt allowed to go (suspicious eh?). I managed to catch her phone before it locked, and i installed a spyware called "spybubble" on her phone to see if she was cheating on me. That first night was the first rude awakening that she WAS indeed cheating on me. She was telling this guy how she wish she could disappear with him and how she would "do" him so hard and stuff like this. I was devastated... but being the honest man i was, i told her about it the next day. She told me that it was just dirty talk and there was nothing else to it... She also told me that she NEVER had sex with anyone while being home, or while deployed.
A few weeks later, she comes to me and tells me that she missed her period, which was to start just days after coming home. At this point, we had sex 3 times unprotected (this is my wife here ), but i never had made a mistake like this before. i was 99% sure that the baby wasnt mine... but she swore that she never cheated on me. A week later, while at her moms house, we got into a little fight about something, and she admitted so having sex with some black guy right before coming home... I was FURIOUS, and called her a liar among a few other names and stormed out the house.
We talked about it a couple hours later and she told me she felt bad for lying, and that she said i deserved to know because we were going to work things out again. She went and seen a doctor (this is about 2 weeks ago), to see how old the baby was... Come to find out, she conceived around the first week a February ( 3 weeks before coming home ).
At this point, i decided to hack into her computer (which was mine anyways), and look at her facebook messages from deployment (she never logs out, because the PC has a password i dont know). To make a long story short, she had sex with 2 different guys, and lied about who the real father was. The real father (who was married as well), wants to be in the baby's life and for the baby to have his last name. He is a staff sergeant in the army so if i pushed the issue, i could get my wife and him kicked out of the army for adultery AND fraternization (sexual relations between a Non-commissioned officer (staff sergeant) and a junior enlisted member). Ive thought about doing that to get back at my wife,,, but at the same time she is my sons mother.
(cont. Post # 2)
So the story begins back in january 2009. I met my (future at the time) wife. She already had 1 failed marriage and a son from that marriage. We both were in the military and shared a few common friends. We fell madly in Love, I could go on all day about how much we loved each other and couldn't be away from each other for a second. We got married july of 2009. She was pregnant at the time and things were still going good. My wife and I after 7 months together were still madly in Love and things couldn't have been better. Around September of 09, i started to get very depressed. I had a very bad experience while deployed in 2007, when my truck hit and IED and killed 2 of my guys, including my best friend, and removing a leg from my squad leader. I have had many problems over the years dealing with these issues, but it didnt bother me until late 2009.
Lets just say, things started going very bad in my marriage. My wife did everything she could to keep me happy, and nothing worked. I lost my sex drive and blamed her gaining baby weight as the problem for that :: ... My wife, despite all of this stuck it out with me and continued to try and make me happy. I got out of the army in December of 09 after 3 years of service. From that point on, i was the "stay at home parent". 2010 was the worst year,,, i had giving up in my marriage and stopped trying, i quit giving her much attention and spent most of my time on the computer... Plain put, I was the worst husband ever ::
Things started to get better in 2011, but we still had issues because of the year before. We talked divorce once during that time and i almost had to buy a plane ticket back to my home state... We worked things out, though i still wasn't much better then before, to where we would keep working things out.
This is where the story gets bad... My wife deployed to Afghanistan on June 20th, 2011. The first 2 weeks she was gone, she was skype calling me everyday all day long. At the time i had just my son with me, My oldest was with his biological dad's for the summertime. I told her that she was calling to much because i had a life here I needed to manage. This kind of ticked her off but i felt it was necessary. Things were really good once she only called a few hours every other day.. I was happy and so was she. At the end of the summer, I received our oldest son back from his dads house. After that, i was really highly stressed all the time. I found it difficult to raise 2 kids by myself (Oldest was 4 yrs, and the other at the time 16 months old). I got super annoyed when she would call because i was so stressed all the time and tired. I told her that she annoyed me everytime she called. We stopped talking almost all together for the rest of the deployment.
On January 7th, 2012... She asked me over facebook if i wanted a divorce. I told her yes i did. I wasnt sure that i did, but after being so far apart and not talking much i didnt feel loved myself, let alone how she felt. When she got home, The moment i seen her get off the plane. I knew i made the biggest mistake of my life! All those feelings of love came back, and she still had feelings for me aswell.. So whats the issue here you ask?
She was very suspicious when she came home. She was angry at me for wanting to work things out now that she was home, but i didnt support her when she needed it the most. She kept a lock on her phone and computer (which never happened pre-deployment). This bothered me and she told me that it was non of my business what she was texting other people. The first weekend after she came home, she was going to the Bar to get drunk with her unit. I was the babysitter for this night and wasnt allowed to go (suspicious eh?). I managed to catch her phone before it locked, and i installed a spyware called "spybubble" on her phone to see if she was cheating on me. That first night was the first rude awakening that she WAS indeed cheating on me. She was telling this guy how she wish she could disappear with him and how she would "do" him so hard and stuff like this. I was devastated... but being the honest man i was, i told her about it the next day. She told me that it was just dirty talk and there was nothing else to it... She also told me that she NEVER had sex with anyone while being home, or while deployed.
A few weeks later, she comes to me and tells me that she missed her period, which was to start just days after coming home. At this point, we had sex 3 times unprotected (this is my wife here ), but i never had made a mistake like this before. i was 99% sure that the baby wasnt mine... but she swore that she never cheated on me. A week later, while at her moms house, we got into a little fight about something, and she admitted so having sex with some black guy right before coming home... I was FURIOUS, and called her a liar among a few other names and stormed out the house.
We talked about it a couple hours later and she told me she felt bad for lying, and that she said i deserved to know because we were going to work things out again. She went and seen a doctor (this is about 2 weeks ago), to see how old the baby was... Come to find out, she conceived around the first week a February ( 3 weeks before coming home ).
At this point, i decided to hack into her computer (which was mine anyways), and look at her facebook messages from deployment (she never logs out, because the PC has a password i dont know). To make a long story short, she had sex with 2 different guys, and lied about who the real father was. The real father (who was married as well), wants to be in the baby's life and for the baby to have his last name. He is a staff sergeant in the army so if i pushed the issue, i could get my wife and him kicked out of the army for adultery AND fraternization (sexual relations between a Non-commissioned officer (staff sergeant) and a junior enlisted member). Ive thought about doing that to get back at my wife,,, but at the same time she is my sons mother.
(cont. Post # 2)
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