Should I intervene?

williamreinsch

Well-known member
I have to keep it impersonal in case anyone I know reads this.

I have someone in my life who won't let something go and is causing grief to everyone around them as a result. The actual problem is trivial and was over a week ago, it's something you forget about it. This person has dragged it on and sulked mainly in the company of others (to make them feel guilty).

Someone very close to me is being effected by them, and they do so much for the person and everyone else and are having to swallow the shit they are giving out.

I feel angrier everyday because this person is still dragging it out. I fear I won't be able to hold it in if it carries on. People tell me I need to stay calm because I tend to let everything out very angrily and passionately which tends to just exacerbate things.... spilling out the truth is not always a good thing.

So should I let it out or keep silent? Or something else?
 

Graeme1988

Hie yer hence from me heath!
You can either ask why this person is making a big deal of this trivial matter? Calmly, mind you.

Or just cut them outta yer life, seriously. People like that aren't worth wastin' yer time with or being around. Long-term stayin' silent will just make you snap at this person if they continue giving you grief about this. Be it something you said that got taken the wrong way, like a joke for example. Or something you did.

In the end, it's up to you, really. Anyway, that's my advice.
 

williamreinsch

Well-known member
You can either ask why this person is making a big deal of this trivial matter? Calmly, mind you.

Or just cut them outta yer life, seriously. People like that aren't worth wastin' yer time with or being around. Long-term stayin' silent will just make you snap at this person if they continue giving you grief about this. Be it something you said that got taken the wrong way, like a joke for example. Or something you did.

In the end, it's up to you, really. Anyway, that's my advice.

Thanks so much for the advice, I think it's all starting to come out tonight, some people have spoken, ill know tommorow if it's still continuing.

Problem is this person is a lovely person at other times, just has this terrible side :(

I will try to talk calmly about it to the person if they carry on, ill just have to time it right, so that I don't end up snapping :/ I'm never very good at keeping it together in these situations.
 

Graeme1988

Hie yer hence from me heath!
Thanks so much for the advice, I think it's all starting to come out tonight, some people have spoken, ill know tommorow if it's still continuing.

Problem is this person is a lovely person at other times, just has this terrible side :(

I will try to talk calmly about it to the person if they carry on, ill just have to time it right, so that I don't end up snapping :/ I'm never very good at keeping it together in these situations.

Oh, same here. These situations can be so stressful. Plus, you can easily have your words misunderstood if phrased wrongly. Or people putting words in yer mouth.

You'll just have to stand your ground on this one. Say sorry to this person, if need be. Otherwise avoid them, manipulative folk aren't worth it. Regardless of how lovely this person is. Sometimes, ye just have get rid of the people in yer life aren't be considerate to the fact you struggle with anxiety.

Though, if were me, ah would lose ma cool an snap being Scottish. :bigsmile: Ah'd says sorry to them but give 'em fair warning that if they kickoff like that again then they can just eff right off, like.
 
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Graeme1988

Hie yer hence from me heath!
Sorry for posting again, ah just want to say it's quite upsetting to read how angry this person has made you. Though, take my advice about not being around them anymore, if this person can't be civil in resolving this matter.

Failing that, put so distance between you and this person. Like not talking to them for awhile. To be fair the other person has more reason to say sorry to than you do to them. Just for dragging this matter out for so long. You don't deserve to be burden with that shite.

How you have managed to tolerate this, you must be like me, then.? Tòo afraid you'll hurt this person's feelings, so you haven't said owt til now?

Hope you can get this problem sorted. Though, if ye do snap, keep it verbal,and at least then this person will know not to repeat this behaviour with you. You might feel guilty for doing and overreacting. But from how you have nothin' to feel guilty about
 
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Requiescat

Well-known member
I will refrain from judging this person's conduct as I feel I don't have enough information to assess the situation. That said, I am tilting more in the direction of Graeme. Here's an interesting and brief article on toxic people, I suspect this may be the case here. But only can know for certain. Either way it may be of interest to you upon reflection of your course of action.

http://www.heysigmund.com/toxic-people/
 

Graeme1988

Hie yer hence from me heath!
I will refrain from judging this person's conduct as I feel I don't have enough information to assess the situation. That said, I am tilting more in the direction of Graeme. Here's an interesting and brief article on toxic people, I suspect this may be the case here. But only can know for certain. Either way it may be of interest to you upon reflection of your course of action.

Toxic People: 12 Things They Do and How to Deal with Them - Hey Sigmund - Karen Young

Just read that article. Was nearly in tears by the end of it. Due to realising that points 2 through 6, as well as the last 4 are exactly what my sisters and my mum, in particular, are like with me. Actually, that article is an accurate description of most of my family. No wonder I'm not right in the head. Nor surprising why spent Christmas 2015 alone, watching The Hobbit trilogy of films. :bigsmile: Sorry, that article just really struck a nerve with me. :sad:
 

Requiescat

Well-known member
Just read that article. Was nearly in tears by the end of it. Due to realising that points 2 through 6, as well as the last 4 are exactly what my sisters and my mum, in particular, are like with me. Actually, that article is an accurate description of most of my family. No wonder I'm not right in the head. Nor surprising why spent Christmas 2015 alone, watching The Hobbit trilogy of films. :bigsmile: Sorry, that article just really struck a nerve with me. :sad:

I'm sorry to hear that Graeme, toxic people are the worst, especially when you don't have the means of getting away from them! But you don't sound that messed up; a pretty logical, coherent person with lots of personality. A hint: it isn't you, but them! :thumbup:
 

Graeme1988

Hie yer hence from me heath!
I'm sorry to hear that Graeme, toxic people are the worst, especially when you don't have the means of getting away from them!

Aye, especially when you have to live with one and tolerate the rest.
Because disowning yer family who treat yer crap is wrong when yer disabled.

But you don't sound that messed up; a pretty logical, coherent person

Ah know... But ye wouldnae be sayin' that if ye meet me in real life.

I'm only logical cuz I actually think afore opening my mouth, most of the time. Put some thought into what I want to say, y'know?

with lots of personality.

Lots of personality? Aye right, I'm just a shy, quiet, introverted, lad who found a means of coping with my dysfunctional family upbringing and escaping it through reading a lot, a love of music and playing the guitar and comedy.

Still don't feel at ease around people or as a good a judge of them as I used to be.

A hint: it isn't you, but them! :thumbup:

But they don't see it that way... I'm just a nasty, hateful person, according to my mum - projecting my feelings of resentment onto those around me. Y'know despite having to listen to my mum's negativity and how much she hates men for the past 14 or so years. Why she had me is beyond me, really.

As well as my sisters ridiculing everything about me.

Sorry for gettin' overly personal there...

Anyway, William... Best of luck dealing with that person you were on about. :thumbup:: Sorry to sound pessimistic, but I can't see this person being as calm or reasonable an individual as you seem.
 
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