Share your AvPD story?

I'm attempting to better understand Avoidant personality disorder but I'm finding it difficult. I think the best way to understand something like this is to hear personal stories as it must differ for all? If you are comfortable doing so, describe your AvPD - how it affects you, your life, the people around you, anything. Thank you :)
 

Nabu

Well-known member
I'm attempting to better understand Avoidant personality disorder but I'm finding it difficult. I think the best way to understand something like this is to hear personal stories as it must differ for all? If you are comfortable doing so, describe your AvPD - how it affects you, your life, the people around you, anything. Thank you :)

On this webpage there are a few stories. It might help you to understand

Person 1
 

Chriiss

Well-known member
Depression in the Summer... Can I ask why Lionheart?
I find Winter affects my mood negatively short days and always miserable.
 

DespairSoul

Well-known member
Me either in summer more like Lionheart. In summer are people more hanging outside, seating around on coffee wich i cant and i dislike going only around see how they feel alright is broking my heart. Really depressions at summer heavy ones. I love nature,sunshine but i cant enjoy with being worried all the time.
 

Pacific_Loner

Pirate from the North Pole
Phocas, do you have Avpd? Or you think you might? Or you think you might know someone who has it? Or you're just trying to understand for personal knowledge?
The following are the things I think are linked to Avpd (I am not sure where is the boundary with SA):
I never go very deep into friendship, because I don't think I am interesting enough, and I think I will disappoint people. I swear I do most of the time ... I have 2 very good friends though, but they really DECIDED that I had to be their friend no matter what.
It's about the same in relationships, I had a very few boyfriends, I had more short-term non-serious relationships: I try to reject people before they reject me.
So yes I have self esteem issues.
I avoid as much as possible any social gatherings. Especially those linked to work.
Not only that I fear judgment and rejection, I am not good in casual conversation because I think it's boring, and most of the time I am not very interested in what people have to say.
I used to avoid all activities where I would possibly have to deal with other people, but now I'm starting to stop doing that because it was really keeping me from doing things that I considere important.
I'm usually happier alone. When with people, even with people I like and with whom I feel no anxiety or pressure, I feel relieved when I'm finally back alone with myself.
Whenever I'm with people, I feel like I'm exposing my lacks and failures to their view.
I can't keep a job so far, not sure why yet. I'm still analyzing: I'll see what happens with the next one.
I do have depression too but not sure it's linked with Avpd?
I hope it helps you in some way.
 

Minty

Well-known member
Well, whenever there is an assignment in class that requires presentation or every time my friends decide to hang out, I tell myself: awesome, I can do this! But as it gets closer and closer to the date, my anxiety builds and builds. When the day comes where I'm supposed to be exposed to that anxiety-provoking event that normal people would think is a breeze, I spiral into depression and can't leave my house.

I can't. In the same way that a normal person is programmed to freeze when told to jump off a cliff. They can't do it because it will kill them. Of course, hanging out won't kill me--quite the opposite in the end because I need socialization to feel good--but my brain isn't wired correctly.

Some AvPD quirks:

I have a hard time answering the phone.
I cannot leave messages or be the one to make the phone call; I can only sometimes pick up when I'm feeling less anxious than I normally am.
I don't buy clothes that I like. I like stylish, pretty clothes but that would get me attention. I wear plain, boring, I-don't-have-a-personality clothes.
I do not wear make-up outside. Weird, I know. I love make-up and being girly but I can't do it because I want to be invisible.
I can't talk to boys. With great effort, I can make friends with girls and be more comfortable around them but with boys...it's impossible. There is one guy I'm comfortable around and that's because he stutters (I'm horrible, I know...) but I feel like we can relate because he's very shy and forgives my awkwardness because he's awkward too.
I tried to get a job once. I ended it after a week because all of the exposure to people threw me into a depression.

Basically, I don't just have SA because I need to avoid. I need to avoid because if I face my fears I go into a clinical depression and I get suicidal. I avoid because I honestly care very much about myself and I hate, hate, hate having thoughts of suicide.

I'm fairly certain my AvPD is both genetic and environmental. I have a huge history of schizophrenia (and you know how it skips a generation? Well, it's on my parent's generation on my mom's side and my grandparent's generation on my dad's side.) One of my cousins has SA and had a mental breakdown from too much exposure at once.

It's environmental because my mom is a ball of anxiety at all hours of the day. She screens calls and cancels plans with her friends all of the time. Most of her friends now are just on FB because she doesn't like to go out. She even complains if she has to go shopping because "she doesn't feel like it". And she's in denial about it.

I'd also like to add that when I'm in anxious-mode, when I'm fearing something coming up, I don't think about being rejected or being laughed at. No, what I fear the most is the anxiety itself. Why? Because I've been fortunate to have nothing but positive experiences with people in my life. I've never been bullied. I know, from experience, that people are good and that I want them in my life. What I fear is the anxiety they will trigger in me.
 

mictsekk

Well-known member
I like this thread:)
I dont have so much time so I write just the thinks that affects me the most.
-a girlfriend is nearly impossible to get
-always isolated
-very hard to make friends
-problems with going to school/job
-fear of getting heart mentally
-always totally nervouse and unsafe
-very low self confidence

and I forgot to metion the depressions.they are really heavy on summer...

pretty much the same for me. I have AVPD + depression.. not a good combo..
 
On this webpage there are a few stories. It might help you to understand
Person 1
Thank you Nabu, I saw these, they were what prompted me to ask here :)
Me either in summer more like Lionheart. In summer are people more hanging outside, seating around on coffee wich i cant and i dislike going only around see how they feel alright is broking my heart. Really depressions at summer heavy ones. I love nature,sunshine but i cant enjoy with being worried all the time.
:( DespairSoul, I hope you can work through it and enjoy summer

Phocas, do you have Avpd? Or you think you might? Or you think you might know someone who has it? Or you're just trying to understand for personal knowledge?
Thanks PL, that is very helpful. I dont think I have AvPD, though there seems to be an element of it with things I avoid because of the anxiety that arises. Job hunting is one example, I could be looking for other work yet often i can't even open the jobs section in the paper because the whole process is so awful - low self esteem (i cant do that, i'm no good); writing about myself; telephoning; interviews etc etc There have been times in the past when this has caused major personal problems.

I want to understand it for friendships here, for work (I often work with people with various issues) and for family, someone with anxiety who has the potential for it to overtake her

I can't. In the same way that a normal person is programmed to freeze when told to jump off a cliff. They can't do it because it will kill them.

Thanks Minty, all that has given me a very good insight :)

I know that 'freeze' feeling, what has helped with me with this was/is to do some physical things that involved getting that and doing it anyway - jumping off the 3 metre platform at the pool; going down the water slide; going on carnival rides; swimming at the beach with water so cold that you have to dive in. It has taught me that it is possible to break through what seems like a barrier and that all is ok on the other side. Its only a moment of terror that passes quickly. With the water slide it actually became boring after a while, no terror at all.

I like this thread:)
I dont have so much time so I write just the thinks that affects me the most.
-a girlfriend is nearly impossible to get
-always isolated
-very hard to make friends
-problems with going to school/job
-fear of getting heart mentally
-always totally nervouse and unsafe
-very low self confidence

and I forgot to metion the depressions.they are really heavy on summer...

pretty much the same for me. I have AVPD + depression.. not a good combo..

Thanks mictsekk and Lionheart :), each builds on the other, i think
 

awkwardamanda

Well-known member
and I forgot to metion the depressions.they are really heavy on summer...

Depression in the Summer... Can I ask why Lionheart?
I find Winter affects my mood negatively short days and always miserable.
Could be Seasonal Affective Disorder (The other "SAD").

Job hunting is one example, I could be looking for other work yet often i can't even open the jobs section in the paper because the whole process is so awful - low self esteem (i cant do that, i'm no good); writing about myself; telephoning; interviews etc etc
THIS!!! Huge problem for me right now. I have a job, but I need a better one. I've been finished university for a while and I can't even motivate myself to start looking, I dread it so much.::(:
 

Kristina223

Well-known member
I'm confused. I'm not really sure how AvPD differs from SA. I thought AvPD ment avoiding things you fear, but these "things" are not necessarily connected with people/social situations. But after reading about it, it's obviously not like that ... ? I still don't quite understand what's the difference between AvPD and SA. :confused:
 

JamesSmith

Well-known member
I've been hiding for a while now. I've been avoiding contacting my friends for 5 years. I never can convince myself that it would be in my best interest to hang out with them. I had many bad times with them. If i just wasn't so shy.....ugh. I just wish I didn't have anxiety
 

Tiercel

Well-known member
I don't know if I'd actually qualify for AvPD or not, but I'll give you some info on some things I do.

I take any form of "negative" criticism or rejection as personally as one can possibly imagine. The slightest bit of either of those, and my emotional world spirals down in flames. And I'm always afraid that I won't be good enough for anyone or anything. In 9th grade I didn't even try out for the baseball team because I knew I wouldn't make it anyway. Every day I don't contact a local wildlife rehab place because I'm afraid that something will keep me from being around and helping injured birds. I'd love to get out and make some new friends, and actually do something with my life; but I'm already convinced that no one wants to be bothered with me.

Not pleased that I'm afraid of being found inadequate in any way, I also have a very low opinion of myself. Somehow I can only see and magnify my flaws. So those times when I'm not afraid to put myself out there I'm usually convinced that others will see me as I see myself: the failures, the shortcomings, the undesirable character traits. So I "save them the trouble" and just don't bother.

Of course I'm smart enough to realize that I'm the only thing holding me back. That only serves to decrease self-esteem and makes me even more critical of myself.

And worst of all is anything having to do with employment. I had my last regular job in 2004. It lasted all of two days, including training. For some reason or other, intentionally putting myself up for criticism and evaluation is something I cannot overcome. Working itself isn't a problem; every attempt I've made to go from unemployed to employed has ended in failure. If you've seen the underpants gnomes episode of South Park, Phase 2 is also my biggest problem.
 

mictsekk

Well-known member
I think the worst thing is the fear of rejection and critisism. Because of that I cant express myself freely/show my personality. I can never open up to anyone and therefore people cant relate to me or understand me. I used to be a very open person and had lots of friends, but in highschool I started noticing my flaws and started holding myself back because of it. So now I have just isolated myself from everything and have no friends left. Anyway I think the key to overcoming this is to fully accept myself but I dont know if I can do it...
 

DespairSoul

Well-known member
Hello again,

AvPD and SA is close to each other like sis and brother, but AvPD is severe as SA.
SA is extremely shyness as was many times mentioned and u avoid only some social situations but not every, but by AvPD u avoid every social situation. U feel severe low-selfeestem and u are hyper-sensitive on every comment even if is mean like a joke, any critism any negative word let u worry, suspiciousity all the time about everything and everyone(this may not be by AvPD like regular symptom but i feel like that), avoid any possible contact with people wich may be embarrasing or u will feel inferior better u will avoid it as face it. If u should make one frend even this is hard for you with AvPD u constantly worry if she likes u or he even if they was telling u many times they do.


I feel:

* Avoids occupational activities that involve significant interpersonal contact,
because of fears of criticism, disapproval, or rejection

* Is unwilling to get involved with people unless certain of being liked

* Shows restraint within intimate relationships because of the fear of being
ashamed or ridiculed

* Is preoccupied with being criticized or rejected in social situations

* Is inhibited in new interpersonal situations because of feelings of inadequacy

* Views themself as socially inept, personally unappealing, or inferior to others

* Is unusually reluctant to take personal risks or to engage in any new activities
because they may prove embarrassing
 

Mercedes

Well-known member
I'm not sure if I have it or not because I really don't care much whether I'm liked or not (seem to almost hope to be disliked), and I don't fear criticism, disapproval or rejection.

I just intensely dread someone talking to me, especially when I'm expected to reply in any way. I tend to shun all social interactions mostly because I don't know how to handle those situations and don't seem to ever really learn. I think I have just given up and now experience a phobia to social interactions that causes anxiety and stress related symptoms when I do. Trauma may also be a factor. It's difficult and painful to be alone and isolated all the time but the alternatives equally so.
 

Minty

Well-known member
I'm confused. I'm not really sure how AvPD differs from SA. I thought AvPD ment avoiding things you fear, but these "things" are not necessarily connected with people/social situations. But after reading about it, it's obviously not like that ... ? I still don't quite understand what's the difference between AvPD and SA. :confused:

AvPD has a behavioral element SA lacks. An SA person will feel the anxiety and be inhibited by it but they can live a relatively normal life and do most things normal people do. An AvPD person will schedule their entire life in order to avoid anxiety, will rarely marry, make close friendships, have a fulfilling career, etc...

And yes, AvPD is related to people and social situations, not just any fear. You can avoid mustard because you have a mustard phobia--that doesn't mean you have AvPD.
 
Phocas, do you have Avpd? Or you think you might? Or you think you might know someone who has it? Or you're just trying to understand for personal knowledge?
The following are the things I think are linked to Avpd (I am not sure where is the boundary with SA):
I never go very deep into friendship, because I don't think I am interesting enough, and I think I will disappoint people. I swear I do most of the time ... I have 2 very good friends though, but they really DECIDED that I had to be their friend no matter what.
It's about the same in relationships, I had a very few boyfriends, I had more short-term non-serious relationships: I try to reject people before they reject me.
So yes I have self esteem issues.
I avoid as much as possible any social gatherings. Especially those linked to work.
Not only that I fear judgment and rejection, I am not good in casual conversation because I think it's boring, and most of the time I am not very interested in what people have to say.
I used to avoid all activities where I would possibly have to deal with other people, but now I'm starting to stop doing that because it was really keeping me from doing things that I considere important.
I'm usually happier alone. When with people, even with people I like and with whom I feel no anxiety or pressure, I feel relieved when I'm finally back alone with myself.
Whenever I'm with people, I feel like I'm exposing my lacks and failures to their view.
I can't keep a job so far, not sure why yet. I'm still analyzing: I'll see what happens with the next one.
I do have depression too but not sure it's linked with Avpd?
I hope it helps you in some way.

^^^this sums up my existance.
 
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