Shaping Up To Be One The Worst Days Of My Life

206Raider

Well-known member
One Of The Worst Days Of My Life

Basically I feel like I'm not shit, everyone is on me about doing something, but today I feel like **** it. I can't get anyone no christmas presents and people are mad becuase they get me stuff, well **** it I don't need anything or want anything I wish I got nothing. My best friend called me today and is moving back to Chicago, partly becuase he pissed me off the other day for disappearing. Everybody just drops out of my life, I'm not used to being alone but really I am. In school I pretty much knew everyone around, 4 years later I'm all alone thanks to this SA shit. People think I'm cold becuase I'm hurt and never cry, like my grandpa was very important to me and he died 2 years ago and never shed a tear, so people act like I don't care. I'm too accustomed to pain that nothing really bothers me.

Damn I just need to go out and get completely wasted I want to get on a damn spaceship and leave this earth for awhile becuase the future is bleak, ya'll can keep the sunshine and save me the rain. I'm gone.

(No, this isn't suicidal, don't get this mixed up with that)
 
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kittypants

Member
the things that feel like the end of the world to you today are just going to be vague memories eventually. i ask myself- will these things matter in a year, 5 years, 10 years, 100 years?
 

206Raider

Well-known member
I don't know, maybe? I sometimes hate expressing myself becuase I don't want people to feel sorry, I just need to vent becuase nobody else is going to listen. Besides I'm kind of numb to it all and I expect this stuff to happen becuase it mostly what my life consists of....let downs....But whatever, I'll adapt once again, I know it's not the asnwer but I just got myself some good weed and plan to kill it all tonight and so I can't remember how bad things are, atleast for tonight. I'm also pissed I did that when I need to keep my money for other things but I didn't blow it all, and today I just don't care.
 
Yeah I feel ya on the gift buying thing. Everyone in my family bought me a present or gave me money and they call/text sendig off a vibe like "well I bought you somethig for Xmas, so whatcha gonna get me" I don't have much money and sent everyone cards cause that's all I can afford and I feel like they think I'm a selfish asshole... Usually they're undersanding but this year not so much. Whatevs I'm too emotionally drained to care
 

206Raider

Well-known member
Yes, that's exactly what I mean. I don't have hardly any money, I had 30 dollars and have to get atleast 4 different kids presents (my nieces, my nephew and my brother) or else people are going to be pissed. I just think, "get mad, I don't care, there is nothing I can really do about it becuase I have no job and I wouldn't be mad if you didn't get me anything at all" I'd rather them not actually, becuase I will feel guilty.
 

arsenalwa

Well-known member
Wish I was on that spaceship too :(

Oh, nevermind. This's even more depressing. I just don't know anything to say that would help. Though it's exactly the same with me about that how people think you're cold cause you never cry. I used to cry all the time when I was a little kid. But now I've never cried for years. Guess it started with this SA shit. My grandpa died a few years ago as well and I didn't cry at all and everyone was amazed. I guess it is like how you said it, "I'm too accustomed to pain that nothing really bothers me".

Hope it gets better soon.
 
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206Raider

Well-known member
Anyone is welcome to join my spaceship there is lots of room lol. No, but seriously I will be okay at some point, just not right now and I hope everyone here gets better soon as well.
 
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