SEVERE Mental and Emotional Neglect/Abuse

LovelyAmor

LovelyAmor

Well-known member
Did anyone experience this as a child? I have never been physically abused in any way, but I was severely abused mentally and emotionally by my mother. She never really encouraged social interaction or social involvement with other kids my age. Sometimes she would tease me worse than the kids at school. She was very cold emotionally and never showed any affection. When I would cry she would look at me like I was stupid. She later told me right after my grandmother died, that after she had me, she took me to an adoption agency, left me there for a few days, then came back and got me. And she did because 'God' told her to, not because she wanted to.

I am uncomfortable showing emotion. Sometimes my emotions feel out of place inside me and I don't really know what to do with them. I become confused and anxious when placed in emotional situations and I don't know the proper way to react. Instead of crying about things I just try to block it out or do something productive with my time. I have detachment issues and I don't really know how to form emotional connections with people. I feel disconnected and detached.

I have a hard time getting physically close and showing affection. I want to be able to get close to people, respond emotionally, and comfortable with my feelings but it is extremely difficult. I've dealt with most traumatic situations in my life by just "blocking them out". That's all i've ever known to do.

I'm getting a HUGE refund check soon from college. Do any of you think I should use some of it to see a therapist? I saw one before but it was only for 15 minutes and i'm afraid I might be wasting my money again.

I just want to know what I should do to become healthy emotionally instead of feeling all the confusion/discomfort with what is going on inside of me.

Do the rest of you have these issues?
 
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deleted user 1

Guest
I can relate to some of this. My father was defiantly abusive when I was younger, believing that you have to be aggressive in raising boys. I was always alright in dealing with it, in fact throughout the 90s I was incredibly happy, but during my early teen years I felt more insecure with myself, that's when massive damage was done in an incredibly short space of time as for once I actually started taking his words and actions to heart. This was around the same time that I was experiencing indifference at school, so I was facing two fronts, thus it became the norm for me to feel this way. Physical abusive can be traumatic, no doubt about that, but it's the psychological damage from words and actions that are the hardest to heal. I did go through a period where I found it difficult to express my emotions, but when I was housebound, that's where I rediscovered my sense of self. Taking all the other people out of the equation allowed me to concentrate on myself, and I am now very definite about what I think and feel, and won't back down on these thing regardless of external pressure. I just need to relearn how to articulate it verbally, as I feel very out of sorts when talking with others, though it is improving.
 
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mmmm

Well-known member
Wow. I wish I had the guts to post in this thread but I'm still too embarrassed to admit certain things. You guys are telling my story. Nice font LovelyAmor.
 
PunkRotten

PunkRotten

1
Yeah I can relate to some of this. Try checking out emotionsanonymous.org see if there is some support groups in your area. It's totally free.
 
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deleted user 1

Guest
mmmm said:
Wow. I wish I had the guts to post in this thread but I'm still too embarrassed to admit certain things. You guys are telling my story. Nice font LovelyAmor.
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It can be difficult to talk about things so personal. Much of what I write about myself here has never been discussed before with others, so I understand how you must be feeling. But it's comforting to see so many people share the same experiences. Before joining this forum I genuinely believed that I was one of a very small percentage of people who suffers from some of the issues dealt with here. If reading others acounts can help, then that's great too ^_^
 
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mmmm

Well-known member
Look on the bright side. It seems as though we all have the same sort of parents, which sort of makes us brothers and sisters.
 
LovelyAmor

LovelyAmor

Well-known member
TheAristocrat said:
I can relate to some of this. My father was defiantly abusive when I was younger, believing that you have to be aggressive in raising boys. I was always alright in dealing with it, in fact throughout the 90s I was incredibly happy, but during my early teen years I felt more insecure with myself, that's when massive damage was done in an incredibly short space of time as for once I actually started taking his words and actions to heart. This was around the same time that I was experiencing indifference at school, so I was facing two fronts, thus it became the norm for me to feel this way. Physical abusive can be traumatic, no doubt about that, but it's the psychological damage from words and actions that are the hardest to heal. I did go through a period where I found it difficult to express my emotions, but when I was housebound, that's where I rediscovered my sense of self. Taking all the other people out of the equation allowed me to concentrate on myself, and I am now very definite about what I think and feel, and won't back down on these thing regardless of external pressure. I just need to relearn how to articulate it verbally, as I feel very out of sorts when talking with others, though it is improving.
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I remember being happy when I was in kindergarten and the first part of elementary school, if that even counts lol. As soon as I got in the 5th grade, the terrorizing began and it got worse as I became older. I believe that broken bones can heal, but a broken soul/spirit may never (although it is possible, but it may take a lifetime). I feel it to be easier to verbally express my feelings and emotions rather than actually showing them. Does that even make sense?:confused:

Thanks for replying!
 
LovelyAmor

LovelyAmor

Well-known member
mmmm said:
Wow. I wish I had the guts to post in this thread but I'm still too embarrassed to admit certain things. You guys are telling my story. Nice font LovelyAmor.
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I used to be embarrassed as well but I really want help and advice from people so I have been starting to make a lot of threads. Don't be afraid to post anything because there could be someone that could provide help or it could just serve as a 'release' to help you feel better. Yea it seems like all of us here have been through the same things. Thanks!

Thanks for replying!
 
Section_31

Section_31

Well-known member
My wife's father was the same way. it took her a really long time to be comfortable with herself.

You have a rough road ahead, but it is possible to come to recognize and be comfortable with your emotions. Give it time, but i think you will def. get there.
 
LovelyAmor

LovelyAmor

Well-known member
Sorry i've been away from this for so long! I've been doing CBT and sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't.:confused::rolleyes: So im back lol ::p:

I feel like I am doing ok mentally now, but I have some serious problems with my emotions...i just don't like them-feeling them,facing them, expressing them to others...::(:
 
LovelyAmor

LovelyAmor

Well-known member
The Lone Gunman said:
My wife's father was the same way. it took her a really long time to be comfortable with herself.

You have a rough road ahead, but it is possible to come to recognize and be comfortable with your emotions. Give it time, but i think you will def. get there.
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That is what I am afraid of. I want to be in a relationship but I am so emotionally closed/awkward. I'm afraid that I might be like this forever. It's very confusing and frustrating. :confused::mad:
 
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