Severe Fear of making eye contect

cacophonyx

New member
Hi, I posted something up here like a year ago about this social nightmare I'm living, and now its much worse. I can't look anyone in the eyes. Not even my family. I'm totally afraid of interacting with people, and when I go out in public I have to hide from people that might recognize me. I used to have everything: friends, a good job, and I used to have no problem interacting with people. But its this eye contact thing. I can't seem to look at people's eyes when I talk to them, instead I look INTO them. It totally freaks the hell out of them, and me for that matter. I can't control it. I think that alcohol has something to do with this problem, because I am a very heavy drinker and I think it does something weird to my eyes and my soul. What I notice is that when I wake up from a night of heavy drinking, when I look in to the mirror my eyes look zombified. THey are sick and gray with no color in them whatsoever. As I look at the mirror I just have some freaky blank stare that I have no control over. I have tried alot of everything to try and cure this phobia. I thought that getting in shape might help, so I did that. Ive been obsessively exercising for the past year. I do 10 sets of 50 pushups a day and eat very heallthy. I am very fit right now, but I still don't feel mentally healthy. The only thing I havent tried is quitting alcohol completely, but I will stop for weeks at a time. I really hope that someone might be able to help me because this is a nightmare. I can't get a job, and even worse I can't get a girlfriend. I need a girlfriend so bad, I feel like if I had one, she would put the life back in my soul. But it is impossible to talk to women without looking them in the eyes, so Im totally screwed and lonely.
 

jasonkidd

Member
i've had trouble making eye contact too including with family members. i've had this problem for 15 years. try looking at ppl's forehead instead. i've tried that and i'm less nervous when I'm with alot of ppl
 

Crazy

Active member
cacophonyx said:
I think that alcohol has something to do with this problem, because I am a very heavy drinker and I think it does something weird to my eyes and my soul.

I have tried alot of everything to try and cure this phobia.

The only thing I havent tried is quitting alcohol completely, but I will stop for weeks at a time.

Give up alcohol and see what happens :)
 

Indecisive

Active member
I have problems with making eye contact also. For me it just feels as if I'm on the spot, getting too much attention and it makes me nervous. I tend to forget what I'm trying to say and that just adds to my nervousness and anxiety. I don't really have any tips just wanted to let you know you're not alone.
 

emmasma

Well-known member
Big problem for me too, then I worry about it after, and then I force myself to look in their eyes and I'm sure I look all panicy, being a waitress, this is an issue all the time. no advice here either :(
 

Nice2MeetU

Member
I used to feel uncomfortable looking at other's eyes too, but for the last 5 years I've really made an effort to look people in the eye, especially when we're having a conversation. What kind of snapped me out of some of the awkwardness was my friend making an example of me at a birthday party. I think my friend was talking to me and could see that I wouldn't look her straight in the eyes when talking back, so in front of about 10 other people, she said look at my eyes when you're talking to me, but not in a mean way, just to get me to do so. Ever since then I realised, for me anyway, it's not such a scary thing to look someone in the eyes if you're talking to them or if you want to show that you're listening to them; and it's ok to look away sometimes when you want to think of something to say or if you don't want to look at their eyes during the whole conversation. However, I still feel extremely uncomfortable looking at people in general when I'm out shopping etc.
 

NewHope

Member
I can totally relate to what you are going through. I was waiting for someone to post this topic again....because i too have felt totally hopeless for the last 2 years. I walk around with my head down and if anyone calls my name..i'm terrified to look at them in their eyes...and when i do..i feel like i give them this really weird look, thats totally noticeable. First off...i would try seeing a psychiatrist and telling them EXACTLY how you feel..so maybe they can find something that best suits you. Try maybe a tinted pair of glasses....like a non pre-scription pair that has a slight mirror tint or dark tint...but nothing that dark that you'll feel stupid walking around in sunglasses all the time...try and drag yourself to therapy and get close to someone who can help you....and try not to give up after a week. I've tried some of these methods and although I'm not to the point i wanna be...i've gotten a lot better.....i too used to have friends...be able to go out to dinner and laugh and talk....recently i avoid anything like that...because it's too stressfull.....but it gets better
 

Falcon

Well-known member
Hi cacaphonyx,

Here is my foolproof plan to make eye contact easier. It worked great for me. First, buy a pair of dark or reflective sunglasses. Spend a few hours a week at the mall or outside, walking around and looking directly into peoples eyes. If you carry yourself high and with a smile on your face, you will even see people looking back at you :) The sunglasses make it much less scary, since they can't see where you're looking.

Once that's comfortable, remove the sunglasses, and make eye contact with young children. Grocery store lines are great for this. It's not creepy, it's fun! Just look at how a baby loves to stare at you directly in the eyes. Stare back at him or her! If the mom notices you looking, just say "cute kid!" and smile. You'll make her day.

I know it seems hard, but these two exercises will train you to be able to easily make eye contact.
 

steve230

Member
i have this problem too, ive found looking at people in the eyes then focusing on something close, like as already suggested, foreheads or things in the background helps a lot.
 

quietkiwi

Active member
I have problems with eye contact, at times it doesn't seem to bother me, at other times I start to wonder if I'm actually staring because of too much eye contact, start to panic that it might come accross as strange then start avoiding eye contact. Thanks for the suggestions above, going to try focusing on something close to peoples eyes after intial contact and see how that works.
 

MaliceInWickedland

Well-known member
I usually look at my feet as I walk and nothing more. I'll occasionally look up and make very brief eye contact but then I'll be focused on my feet again or any inanimate objects that manage to cross my path of sight as I move along.
 
I am absolutely terrible with making eye contact. Sucks because how else are you supposed to connect with people?? Basically with any strangers, but especially with people in authority, or people I find attractive, I can normally only manage a couple seconds maintaining eye contact, before hastening to look away, usually down (at my feet) or past the persons head... If I try to maintain eye contact any longer, it feels strained and superrr uncomfortable, and I just know that to the other person it seems like I'm glaring at them.. in a silent rage or something lol
 
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